


The 13 Lives of Laura Hollis

by jeepsarmitage



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, F/F, F/M, Minor Wilson Kirsch/Danny Lawrence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 57,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3496721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeepsarmitage/pseuds/jeepsarmitage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Carmilla seeks out Laura's reincarnations throughout the centuries. Feat. Reincarnated!Laura (in many forms) and a series of murders that draws her to Carmilla for the last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And Then There Was Another (Don't Forget Me)

**Author's Note:**

> Series trigger warning for mentions of racism + murders. Other trigger warnings will be written at the beginning of each chapter
> 
> This chapter: misgendering (brief)

The crowd that had gathered at he entrance of the park across the street had thickened in the past half hour. Obnoxious residents, early morning joggers and nosy teenagers had gathered crowded together around the small gate, trying to peer over the heads of the people in front of them in order to catch a glimpse of the police activity on the other side. 

 

For the most part, Carmilla was successful in her attempt to avoid the situation. She had no interest in what the street cops were doing, and no interest in involving herself in the mess they were sure to make. There was a reason why she had left the force, and she intended for it to stay that way. Other than a few special favours, Carmilla Karnstein was content with doing her own thing. 

  

The world was against her, though, and as soon as she turned on the TV she was graced with shaky images of the park across the street and a fresh-faced reporter making ridiculous accusations that, even without being involved in the case, Carmilla knew were fabricated. 

 

“Juveniles,” she muttered to herself, flicking through the channels in hopes of finding something non-related to the chaos across the street. It was hopeless, though, because the entire city had been swept up in this particular case, and Carmilla realised that she would not be able to remain separate from it no matter how hard she tried. 

 

Especially since the newest dumping ground was apparently directly across from her apartment. 

 

Shaking her head, Carmilla turned to look out the window at the gathering crowd. Police officers were ushering people away from the gate, trying in vain to stop reporters getting in. Carmilla knew that task all too well. Four years on the streets meant she had played crowd-control far too often. It was something she didn’t miss once she made detective, and something she didn’t miss now that she had left the force. If there was anything that she had learnt, it was that there was very little that could stop reporters from getting inside somehow, and everyone was better off if you gave them something - anything. One sentence from the mouths of the cops was better than an entire story fabricated by people who knew nothing about what was going on after all. 

 

She was watching a particularly persistent man thrust a microphone in the face of an officer when she saw her. It was just a glimpse, a flash of hair and brief glance in Carmilla’s direction, but it was enough for Carmilla to turn and begin gathering yesterdays clothes. Throwing them on, she grabbed her keys from the kitchen bench and after hesitating over her ID, picked it up and rushed out the door. 

 

After all, she wasn’t going to get away from this case was she? So she might as well put herself right in the middle of it. 

 

* * *

Twelve. 

 

That’s how many times she had met Laura. Or versions of her anyway. Twelve variations of the woman she had loved so passionately and for so long. Twelve times she had fallen in love with Laura all over again, and twelve times she had watched her die. 

 

Twelve times she had had her heart broken in one way or another. Twelve times she had picked up the pieces because twelve times she had seemed out the woman she had met in room 307 all those years ago and had failed. 

 

It was sometime during the second reincarnation that Carmilla had realised that the woman she had loved so dearly wasn’t completely there. Likewise, it was somewhere in the fourth reincarnation that not all of the reincarnations remembered. 

 

Either way, none were ever her Laura. Not really. 

 

Bits and pieces were there, definitely. Her laugh one life. Her love for all things sugar another. Maybe one would come so close that Carmilla would get her hopes up, but then they would make an offhanded comment about how “doctor who is so ridiculous”, or that “I only eat organic whole-foods” and Carmilla's heart would sink heavily back into her chest. 

 

She always knew Laura Hollis was one of a kind, and try as she might, Carmilla couldn’t help but hope that this would be the lifetime that her Laura came back to her. That this would be the time that she could sink into the all too familiar embrace knowing the Laura was there and not some second-hand run-off. 

 

It always  ended in disappointment though.

* * *

 

It had take her a ridiculous amount of time to find her again once in the crowd across the street. Everyone was so closely packed together, Carmilla had almost given up. Then she saw the hair, bobbing in and out amongst the edge of the crowd and Carmilla had followed until she was greeted with red tape and a command to “stay back, ma’am” that only served to make Carmilla more angry than she already was. 

 

“Stupid, isn’t it? Just because they have a badge they think they can stop everyone? They aren’t the only one’s with a job to do for Christ’s sake!”

 

The voice was familiar, but Carmilla didn’t let herself get too drawn in by it. It had happened before; meeting someone who could have passed as Laura but wasn’t. That girl had walked away in hand-cuffs and Carmilla nursing a bruised heart. 

 

“I take it you aren’t here just to gawk?” Carmilla turned to face the woman and was met with the face she had caught a glimpse of from her apartment window. Dressed professionally in a tightly fitting pantsuit, she had a take-a-way coffee cup in one hand a a notebook in the other. She was young, couldn’t have been more than twenty, but the scowl on her face told Carmilla that she didn’t like to be messed with. “What are you here for?”

 

The woman shook her head, causing a few strange of hair to swing loose from her pony tale and frame her face. She secured the notebook under her arm before reaching up to tuck the loose hairs behind her ear. 

 

“My boss wants me to cover this story. Said that if I did a good job he’d give me my own crew. This could be my big break but those assholes wont even let me open my mouth before they’re ushering me away.” The woman paused and shook her head, seemingly gathering her thoughts before counting. “Think they run the whole world just because they’ve got a badge. Whatever happened to freedom of information?”

 

Carmilla elevated an eyebrow, smirking at the way this woman in front of her got physically exasperated at the situation. The way her eyes darted from Carmilla to the group of police men a few metre beyond the tape that held them both back. The light flush to her cheeks and how her breath seemed to quicken told Carmilla that, should she focus enough, the woman’s heartbeat would also be elevated. 

 

It was rather amusing. 

 

“So you’re a journalist?”

 

“Yes. Well….kind of.” The woman shrugged. “I want to be. I’m an intern at the moment, but like I said, I’ve got a good shot at stepping up if I do this story well.” 

 

The dejected look that found it’s way onto the woman’s face caused Carmilla to frown. Casting a look at the group of officers standing guard, she reached out suddenly and grabbed the woman by her elbow. 

 

A surprised “oh!” and a small jump followed the contact and Carmilla actively ignored the warm feeling that seeped through her fingertips. Helping this woman had absolutely nothing to do with her possible Laura-resemblance and everything to do with Carmilla’s growth as an individual, right?

 

A few seconds later the woman coughed and Carmilla sent a glance back at her. 

 

“Where are we going?”

 

“To get your story.”

 

The woman blinked a few times and Carmilla resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She didn’t even need to wit for the next question - she knew what it would be. 

 

“…how?”

 

“We’re going to question the medical examiner. Maybe a cop. Haven't thought that far yet.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Carmilla didn’t explain anymore and simply led the woman a few more metre though the gathering crowd where there was a young cop standing guard. Pausing, Carmilla turned to the woman. 

 

“You got a recorder of sorts on you?” Mentally, she added ‘cutie’ on the end of the question before similarly scolding herself. This wasn't the time or the place to fall back into old habits. “If so, turn it on and let me do all the talking, okay?”

 

The woman nodded, and Carmilla saw her reach into her jacket pocket and pull out a rather out-dated recording device. At Carmilla’s questioning look, the woman smiled sheepishly. 

 

“Don’t judge. My dad though that anything newer would attract potential muggers.”

 

The familiarity of that phrase wasn’t lost on Carmilla, but the vampire pushed the feelings aside and simply nodded before asking if it was turned on. At the woman’s confirmation, Carmilla grabbed the notebook from the woman and shoved it into her back pocket. 

 

“For the next few minutes you aren’t a journalist” was all she said before diving under the police line. 

 

* * *

“Oi you! What do you think you’re doing?”

 

Carmilla ignored the calls of the young cop, pulling herself up straighter and walking purposefully towards the scene. The woman ran after her, nervously looking back over her shoulder at the young cop running after them. 

 

“Don’t pay him any attention,” Carmilla hissed, “and don’t say anything, either.”

 

As they neared the scene, an older cop stepped in front of them, causing Carmilla to halt and glare up at the smug face in front of her. 

 

“Who let you over the line?”

 

Carmilla shrugged, digging into her pocket and pulling out her leather-bound badge. She flipped it open and watched as the man suddenly stood straighter and stammered his way through an apology. Carmilla waved him off. 

 

“I’m detective Karnstein. This is detective Hollis. Is the Doc here yet?”

 

She didn’t wait for the man to answer, having spotted the person she was looking for standing under a tree. Heading towards them, the man fell into step beside her and the Laura-a-like a pace behind. She was doing well not to talk, and Carmilla could tell she wanted to. It was written all over the woman’s face, but her lips remained pushed together as she listen attentively to the conversation happening in front of her. 

 

“Girl. About twelve years old found a few hours ago. Doc’s been here for a while now, don’t think she ever goes home.”

 

“They.”

The man looked quizzically at Carmilla, who refused to look back at him. 

 

“I don’t follow.”

 

“Doctor Lafontaine is not a woman. Doctor Lafontaine is not a man. They use neutral pronouns when referring to themselves and I highly suggest you use them too when referring to the good Doc.”

* * *

 

Lafontaine hadn’t changed much in the last few centuries. Not that Carmilla had expected them to. The only real change was only evident to those who had known her before, and it was something Carmilla knew she too presented. It was in Lafontaine’s eyes; the dark shadow that that hung over them, as if some part of them was no longer there. 

 

They were strong, though, everything considered. They went on with life, throwing themselves into work; a tactic Carmilla knew far too well. They seemed somewhat happy, too, and Carmilla was glad about that. The two of them had started off rough back in Silas U, but after a few centuries of living together, grieving together and adjusting to the rapidly changing world around them they had become friends of sorts. 

 

No, it was more than that. They were close, and Carmilla did genuinely care about them, and seeing them somewhat happy despite everything that had happened was something Carmilla was glad about. After all, Lafontaine deserved happiness, however they happened to achieve it. 

 

“Hey LaF, what you got for me?”

 

Lafontaine looked up from where they were crouched on the ground next to what Carmilla assumed was the victims remains. They gave Carmilla a smile before returning their gaze to the small form in front of them. 

 

“Preteen girl. Found tied to that tree over there,” LaF gave a nod towards a tree that, sure enough, had been zoned off by a few street cops. Carmilla watched as the cops circled the tree; the evidence team were already photographing the scene and Carmilla mentally filed a note to herself to log into the database and download some of those photos. 

 

“Rope?”

 

“Nah. Standard electrical cord. Got it bagged over there if you want to take a look.”

 

Carmilla shook her head and ducked down across from Laf, gaze hovering over the body laid out in front of her. 

 

The girl was small, innocent, and definitely undeserving of the fate that had struck her. Dressed in denim with a head full of fuzzy black hair pulled back into a tight bun, she was the picture of an elementary school girl. Carmilla swallowed, turning to head to stare directly into the girls face. There was no doubt that this was the latest missing child. 

 

A hint of white caught Carmilla’s attention and she frowned, reaching over the child to pick up a pair of gloves from LaF’s medical bag. Pulling them on, she looked up at LaF who questioned her with their eyes. Carmilla nodded towards the girl before reaching down and opening the girl’s mouth. 

 

LaF’s eyes widened as Carmilla pulled a pair of white underwear from the child’s mouth. They quickly pulled an evidence bag from their pocket and opened it, allowing Carmilla to lower the item into it. 

 

“Well…” LaF swallowed, zipping the bag up and pulling a marker to label it. “That was unexpected.”

 

“Think maybe sexual abuse was involved?”

 

“Maybe. There’s no other physical indicators, but I haven’t done a thorough exam yet. Autopsy will be tomorrow morning if you want to join.” LaF smiled again at Carmilla who simply raised an eyebrow in response. LaF started to stand and extended a hand to Carmilla. “Speaking of, what are you doing here anyway? I thought you quit the force?”

 

“I did,” Carmilla accepted the offered hand and pulled herself up, brushing off some grass from the back of her pants. She tilted her head back towards the Laura-a-like still standing silently behind the two of them. “This one convinced me to come have a look. You are, after all, disrupting my quiet morning.”

 

LaFontaine looked over Carmilla’s shoulder at the blonde woman standing awkwardly and clearly out of place amongst all the police officers, detectives and medical teams. They raised an eyebrow, eyes widening as they took in the journalist’s appearance before glancing at Carmilla, asking the obvious question with their eyes. Carmilla just nodded. 

 

“I know.”

 

“You know what I’m going to say then.”

“Shut it, Doc. I know what I’m doing.”

 

“Don’t think I wont call you later.”

 

“I’ll count on it!”

 

Carmilla laughed, pulling off her gloves and throwing them at the doctor, who caught them in the air and shook their head, laughing at Carmilla’s antics. The two of them had come a long way since their rough start, but LaFontaine was always thankful that Carmilla had stuck by them all these years. Honestly, they weren't sure they would have survived this long had Carmilla not stuck around. At the star, part of them believed that Carmilla was only doing it out of duty to Laura, but as the decades came and went, it became more obvious to LaF that Carmilla was lonely, and a friend that remained unchanged in both appearance and personality was something that Carmilla needed. The vampire needed LaF and much as LaF needed the vampire, and they stuck together because of it. 

 

Not that either one minded, really. Despite their differences, Carmilla and LaF found some solid ground as friends, and it had only strengthened through the years. Now, LaF would go so far as to say that Carmilla was their best friend, and they knew that they were Carmilla’s. Regardless of what the vampire said. 

 

They were worried though, and as Carmilla turned and walked away with the blonde woman in tow, a frown worked it’s way onto their face. The woman was clearly the next reincarnation, and LaF knew that Carmilla still hoped that Laura would come back, in some form. At first, so did LaF. When they had first discovered that Laura reincarnated, both of them had hoped that the new person would be exactly like their old friend, and both of them were disappointed when proven otherwise. 

 

Now, twelve reincarnations later, LaF knew only too well the effect each one had on their friend, and it worried them to see Carmilla falling again. Warnings never seemed to have much effect, and no words seemed to stick. Carmilla seemed to attract these reincarnations, and despite the repeated insistences that she didn’t go and actively seek them out, LaF knew that Carmilla subconsciously placed herself in the vicinity that the new one would eventually come to. And it hurt, knowing that Carmilla was willing to subject herself to another lifetime of pain in the hopes that Laura would come back to her. It was a kind of self-destruction LaF couldn’t prevent. 

 

So they watched as Carmilla walked away, talking quietly to the next one, and LaF quietly promised themselves that they would not say anything until Carmilla asked. After all, they would still be here after, and they would sit with Carmilla night after night, silently putting the pieces of their broken friend back together. 

They had done it twelve times, after all. 

 

* * *

 

“Need anything else for your story?”

 

The Laura-a-like had jogged to keep pace with Carmilla, who avoided eye contact as she walked briskly away from the crime scene. The woman didn’t know why Carmilla was avoiding eye contact, but shook her head as if the action would bring Carmilla to look at her, if only for a second. 

 

“No, I think that’s it.”

 

Carmilla didn’t reply, staring straight ahead as she ducked under the police tape and pushed her way through the crowd. The big-name media crews had arrived, and teams of camera operators and too well put together journalists were yelling at people to move out of their way in a fight to get the best angle of the distant crime-scene. Carmilla scoffed at them, causing the Laura-a-like to frown and grab Carmilla by the shoulder. The action caused Carmilla to swing around so that the two women were face to face. 

 

“You’re a cop?”

 

“Ex-Detective.”

 

The blonde spluttered for a moment, seemingly incapable of forming coherent words as Carmilla folded her arms across her chest and waited. Finally, the woman managed to cough out a “how?”

 

“Well generally, sweetheart, one rises to the status of detective after first being a police officer. The ex part comes when one leaves the force.”

 

“I know that, but…I mean..” she shook her head, causing the loose pieces of hair from earlier to dangle across her face and Carmilla resisted the urge to tuck them away. “Why help me?”

 

Carmilla shrugged, turning to continue walking. 

“You intrigue me.”

 

It wasn’t a lie. The woman did intrigue her, just in a very different way to that which the woman was probably thinking. Carmilla was intrigued not by the short conversation they had held, but rather by the ay she had held herself. The way she formed her words and got excited not just in her voice but by her heart. Carmilla was intrigued by how deep these Laura-isms ran, and how many of them were present. 

 

She stopped walking when they reached the door to Carmilla’s apartment building, and the two woman stared at each other before Carmilla sighed and tilter her head towards the door. 

 

“This is me.”

 

The woman nodded but made no action to move away. To be fair, neither did Carmilla, but the vampire felt she had a much greater reason to linger in the woman’s presence than the woman had to linger in hers. Eventually, the woman cleared her through, transferring her weight from one foot to the other in a nervous dance that made Carmilla smile. 

 

“I suppose I should go.”

 

“Good luck with your story.”

 

Both women spoke at one, and both ducked their head in embarrassment. Carmilla let out a short laugh and ran her hand through her hair, pushing it back off of her face as she looked back up at the blushing woman in front of her. 

 

“I hope you get that promotion.”

 

“Me too…I mean, thank you.”

 

They stood there for a few more minutes before the Laura-a-like half turned and pointed down the road before turing back, waving and then scampering off down the street. Carmilla laughed, pausing before calling after the retreating woman. 

 

“I’m Carmilla by the way.”

 

The woman turned, walking backwards as she called back, “I’m Lauren!” 

 

And then she was gone.


	2. 2A: The Nature of Politics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Racism

Lauren Harvey rewound the recording and played it again. 

 

It was the tenth time she had listened to it, and in all honesty she had all the information she could possibly squeeze out of it, but she liked listening to it because it made her feel professional. Like she was actually doing the whole “journalist” thing and she was incredibly proud of herself. The fact that the detective - _Carmilla_ \- had an incredibly attractive voice had absolutely nothing to do with her repetitive listening of the tape. 

 

_“Rope?”_

 

_“Nah. Standard electrical cord…”_

 

She paused the recording and checked her phone. It was a habit she didn’t know where she had picked up because no one ever messaged her anyway. Except her dad, but that didn’t count because he was her _dad_ and messaged her literally all the time anyway. 

 

It was half past two in the afternoon and she had three more days before her story was due to be submitted. She had most of it written, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of her head that she couldn’t make go away. Glancing from the pile of papers stacked next to her computer, Lauren sighed and picked up the address and phone number she had printed off. It was somewhat stalkerish for her to do, especially considering she had only met the woman for the first time that day, but honestly there was only one Carmilla Karnstein in the phone book so technically it wasn’t stalking. 

 

Technically. 

 

She didn’t know why the nagging feeling wouldn’t go away. She only had theories, after all. And maybe they were completely ridiculous and far-fetched, but she was a journalist now. An actual journalist who worked for a newspaper, and she knew she would never forgive herself if she didn’t follow this up. Especially now that she knew someone who was a detective. 

 

_Ex-Detective_ , she reminded herself. Carmilla didn’t work with the police department anymore. But she did work as a Private Investigator, or so a quick google search of her name said, and so she could probably help Lauren work out whether her theories were legitimate or not. 

 

She called the number. 

 

“Hello?”

 

Carmilla sounded tired, and Lauren briefly debated about hanging up, but the pile of papers taunted her and after Carmilla repeated a the greeting more frustratedly, Lauren managed to splutter out a greeting of her own. 

 

“Hi! Uh, Carmilla. It’s Lauren. Lauren Harvey? We met yesterday at the crime scene and you helped me get some information which was super helpful by the way. So thank you for that. Um…Hi?”

 

A throaty laugh echoed down the line and Lauren could hear Carmilla moving around in her apartment. From the outside it didn’t look that big, but Lauren thought that was probably deceiving. An ex-detective who now worked private cases wouldn’t live in a small apartment, she reckoned. It just wasn’t done. Especially at the fee’s Carmilla charged. She probably had a lot of people coming to her for help and could afford to pick and choose her cases. 

 

So why would she help Lauren?

 

“I remember. You can stop babbling now.”

 

“Sorry!”

 

“It’s fine, to what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?”

 

“I was wondering if you could help me with something.” Lauren swallowed, glancing again at the pile of documents stacked next to her computer. The photos on the top stared back at her, and urged her to continue despite the thudding of her heart in her chest. “It’s related to the crime scene from yesterday. At least I think it is, and since you’re an ex-detective I thought you might be able to tell me if I’m delusional or not? Only if you want to that is, I completely understand if you don’t want to help. I just-I don’t know…was hoping you could?”

 

There was silence for a moment, and Lauren panicked. _Oh god this was a stupid idea. She probably thinks you’re crazy now. Goddamnit, Lauren. Why do you always scare away the pretty ones?_

 

“Where do you want to meet?”

 

Lauren nearly dropped her phone. 

 

* * *

 

The cafe was small and crowded and Carmilla looked entirely out of place in it. She dressed rather unusually for someone her age, or the age Lauren had guessed for her. She was an ex-detective, after all, and had been out of the force for some time according to the google-search she had conducted. So logically Carmilla would be somewhere in her mid-thirties, but she looked like she was barely twenty. She dressed like a teenager, though, and the whole packaged threw Lauren for the loop, and she stopped thinking about it as soon as she felt a headache coming on. 

 

“I don’t see what it is you want me to do.” Carmilla put down the files and looked across the table at Lauren. The look on her face was confusion, and Lauren didn’t know what to say in response. She thought she had been clear while explaining everything, and Carmilla had spent a lot of time going through the first few pages of the file. She had read through the list Lauren had complied, and Lauren had allowed hope to rise in her chest. Now though, as Carmilla looked at her from across the table with that level gaze she seemed to have down to an art form, she was beginning to doubt herself. 

 

“I was hoping you’d see a connection I had missed.”

 

“These are written up as completely separate cases, L. Surely if there was something here, the police would have figured it out.”

 

Lauren sighed. She should have known Carmilla would say that, but she also knew that the police weren’t as good at doing their job as they should be. She shook her head and looked at Carmilla, levelling her gaze. 

 

“But they’re not separate cases. I mean look at the info: July 21, Jayden Bell goes missing. Four days later his friend Carter Jones goes missing too. Three days after that, _both_ their bodies are found in the same place. Then Earl Duncan goes missing. Then Mohammad Wilson. That’s four kids going missing in less than four months! Not to mention that a few days after Mohammad’s body if found _in an abandoned school_ , Faith Simmons goes missing, and don’t even try to tell me that the girl found yesterday isn’t Faith because we both know it was!”

 

She pauses, fighting for breath, and Carmilla is looking at her with an expression of shock and intrigue. Lauren swallows, waiting for Carmilla to say something, anything, to make her feel less like an idiot. 

 

“So, what you're saying is that there is a serial killer on the loose?”

 

Lauren nods. 

 

“You realise how hard this will be to pitch to the authorities, right? Plus it would cause hysteria amongst the general public. Accusations of serial killers - _especially_ ones that target children - aren’t taken lightly.”

 

“That’s why I came to you.”

 

Carmilla nods, eyes raking over the pile of documents Lauren had brought. The woman did have a decent amount of research, but when Carmilla helped her the other day she didn’t intend to get sucked into a case. Let alone a case involving missing kids and a serial killer. 

 

She sighed, raking a hand through her hair before looking back up at Lauren who was looking at her with hopeful eyes. 

 

“Honestly? There’s probably nothing here. And even if there was, there’s very little that I could do. All of these cases are either active, or closed because a body was found.”Lauren looked like she was about to cry. A stab went through Carmilla’s chest and she resisted reaching across the table to hold Lauren’s hand. “Sorry, but I don’t think I can help.”

 

“So I shouldn't add any of this to my article?”

 

Despite herself, Carmilla snorts and Lauren looks incredibly offended. Carmilla send the blonde an apologetic look but it does little to help Lauren’s bruised ego. 

 

“Not if you want to get that promotion.”

 

Lauren nods and stand up. Before she leaves she nods at the files. 

“Just, look over them some more? My number is written on the top sheet, if you find anything, or… I don’t know, change your mind?”

 

She smiles weakly before leaving, and Carmilla is left looking after her with a mug of hot cocoa left untouched on the table in front of her. 

 

* * *

 

If there was anything Carmilla could admit about herself, it was that she was stubborn. Stubborn and arrogant and entirely self-centred. She knew it before she had died and she knew it after she was resurrected. Just because she knew about and acknowledged this flaw in her character, however, didn't mean that she liked the admit it to anyone. If anything, she would much prefer it if people could look over it, past it, or ignore it entirely. Much like she did with their god-awful smell and sketch-at-best hygiene habits in general. 

 

Unfortunately though, it appeared that along with Laura’s inquisitive nature, Lauren Harvey had also inherited Laura’s inability to put up with Carmilla’s stubborn and arrogant nature. Carmilla had discovered this at some unholy hour of the morning with the persistent ringing go her phone and approximately seventeen voice message all repeating a message along the line of, “you can’t ignore that _this_ is proof of my theories, Carmilla.”

 

_This_ was ten-year-old Kurtis James who disappeared on an errand for his mother, and _this_ was the disappearance of fourteen-year-old Daniel Payne a week later, with his body being found twenty-two hours after he went missing. _This_ was the clear connection between Kurtis James and Daniel Payne, and Lauren’s list of missing children from the last few months. 

 

_This_ was why she was sitting in Lola’s cafe, a mug of blood in front of her as she flipped through the file Lauren Harvey had led for her, finally admitting to herself that she was wrong and finally growing a pair and calling Lauren. 

 

She didn’t leave enough room in the conversation for Lauren to say anything, simply telling the journalist that she would be at Lola’s at 9am if she wanted to discuss things. Carmilla knew that Lauren would come anything, so didn’t feel a great need to explain anything (or admit to the journalist that she was wrong). Carmilla was stubborn, after all, and even after all these centuries she wasn’t a big enough person to admit that just yet. 

 

Not to Lauren Harvey at least. 

 

* * *

 

“I saw your article,” Carmilla said as way of greeting. 

 

Lauren raised an eyebrow, sitting down opposite Carmilla who had yet to look up from the file open across her lap. There was a fresh cup of hot chocolate in front of Lauren’s seat, and a chocolate chip cookie on a plate next to it. “It was good. No mention of serial killers which impressed me. Those are for you, by the way.”

 

Lauren smiled her thanks and quickly picked up the stemming mug, mentally wondering how Carmilla knew exactly what she usually ordered. Carmilla watched her over the file, observing the way Lauren licked the fluffy milk-moustache from her upper lip with enthusiasm equally that of a five-year-old. 

 

As the blonde reached for the cookie, Carmilla put down the file and sat forward in her chair. She had purposely chosen a table in the far corner of the establishment knowing that people in this town had a way of eavesdropping  on conversation that in no way concerned them. It was a part of humanity Carmilla didn’t appreciate in the slightest, and thus chose her dining situation accordingly. 

 

“This is so good,” Lauren mumbled through a mouthful of cookie. Crumbs fell onto the table (and probably every other surface around her), but Lauren didn't seem to notice. Carmilla chuckled softly and pushed the napkin tray to Lauren’s side of the table. “I didn’t even know this place existed! How on earth did you find it? It’s in such an off-track part of town.”

 

“An old family friend own it. It’s been passed down through their family for generations now and I guess my family just never stopped coming here either.” Carmilla shrugged, looking around the cafe that Perry had built way-back-when. It had endured it’s fair amount of renovations of course, but the underlying design was so inherently _Perry_ that Carmilla couldn’t help but smile fondly. “And as for the location, in the early 2030’s, this was the centre of town. As the business district grew though, the centre shifted north slightly so now this part is rather forgotten. If you look hard enough, though, there’s still all sorts of family-run shops open around the place.”

 

Lauren nodded, chewing slowly on the last bit of cookie before swallowing and picking up her cocoa again. Carmilla watched her carefully, taking in every detail of the woman sitting across from her; from the way she held her mug in both hands to the way her mouth moved when she chewed and swallowed. In any other situation it would be creepy, Carmilla knew, but Lauren wasn’t watching Carmilla. Rather, she was looking around the cafe like it was magical. 

 

“I feel very at home, here.” Lauren stated, smiling softly before taking a large mouthful of cocoa. Carmilla smiled back and nodded slightly to herself because yes, Lauren should feel very at home in the shop she had helped create several lifetimes ago. She didn’t say that though, waiting for Lauren to continue. “I’m assuming that Lola is the name of the original owner?”

 

“Lola Perry, yeah.”

 

There was silence; Lauren looking around the cafe again and Carmilla looking at Lauren. Eventually, though, Lauren glanced at Carmilla frowning slightly as she put her mug back on the table. 

 

“You look sad.”

 

“It’s nothing for you to worry your pretty head about, L.” Carmilla’s voice cracked slightly, but she smiled anyways and Lauren nodded, still frowning. She used her better judgment and decided to change the subject. Nodding at the file on the table she asked Carmilla if she’d found anything. 

 

“I found a great deal number of things, L, it just depends what it is you’re hoping I have found.”

 

Lauren rolled her eyes and sat back in the chair. From the look on Carmilla’s face, Lauren could tell that the detective knew exactly what Lauren had been asking, but was having far too much fun stringing her along. It was infuriating, and just another reason she didn’t like Carmilla. Bu she knew that the woman sitting across from her was the only person that would actually help her with this case, and the only one with the resources to do a halfway decent job at it. So, for now at least, Lauren would play along. 

“You know what I mean.”

 

Carmilla nodded, the playful smile falling from her lips as she sat forward in her chair. Flicking through the file she pulled a few pages out and flipped them so that they were facing Lauren. 

 

“This is the list you gave me. Jayden Bell. Carter Jones. Earl Duncan. Mohammad Wilson. Faith Simmons. All disappeared between July 21 and March 4. Five kids, aged between nine and fourteen. Four boys, one girl. So far, four bodies have been found in entirely different locations.” Lauren nodded, looking down at the list she had given Carmilla a few weeks before. The names, dates and photos of the children taken from newspapers and web articles organised chronologically down the page. It was horrifying, and eventually she tears her eyes away to look up at Carmilla who is pointing now at another sheet of paper. “March 11, Kurtis James goes missing. March 18, Daniel Payne goes missing. Payne’s body is found the next day. So now we have seven kids gone missing, five bodies and no apparent connection between them.”

 

“But you agree, there is a connection, right? There has to be a connection, this can’t be a coincidence-“

 

“Look at the pictures.”

 

Lauren glances back down at the pictures of the kids. Innocent faces look back at her, wide smiles and bright eyes. Some were yearbook pictures, others chosen by the family. She couldn’t see how looking at the pictures would help draw a connection between them, and she said as much when she looked back up at Carmilla. 

 

“You are so new-age, L. Look at the photos and tell me what you see.”

 

“Kids. Smiling. One is female. This guy is wearing a green shirt…”

 

“Lauren.” It was the first time Carmilla had actually used her full name, and her head snapped up to look at the woman. Carmilla was leaning on the table, hands folded in front of her and looking at Lauren with the most intense gaze Lauren had ever received. Lauren stared back, somewhat confused at what it was that she was missing. 

 

Then it clicked. She had looked right past it because it didn’t seem to matter, but of course it did. This was a murder investigation and she had looked right past the most obvious clue. Her eyes widened as she looked back up at Carmilla, who spoke calmly as she said exactly what Lauren had just realised.

 

“All these kids,” Carmilla said, eyes trained on Lauren’s, “are black.”

* * *

 

Politics. 

 

Carmilla hated politics. Meaningless mumbo-jumbo that builds mens egos up more than is healthy for anyone involved and the endless chain of office that you have to navigate in order to get even the slimmest fragment of coherent information. Ot was the reason she had left the force, and as she now reminded herself, the reason she would never go back. 

 

“Look, can you just put me through to Wallace?”

 

“Sorry Karnstein, no can-do.” The voice on the other end of the line was that of her old partner, some guy she can’t remember the name of but can vividly picture his sweaty face. He sounded smug, and Carmilla knew he was getting a lot of pleasure out of pissing her off. She sighed. 

 

“Can you get him to call me back? It’s about the missing kids.”

 

The was silence on the other end of the line, and Carmilla frowned, checking that the line was still connected before questioning if her old partner was still there. 

 

“The missing kids?” He stuttered, “I’ll put you through now.”

 

A moment later, Hadrien Wallace was greeting her with more enthusiasm than Carmilla had experienced during her entire time on the force. Part of her supposed it was forced, but the other more egotistical part of her took pride in the fact that he would even feign excitement when talking to her. 

 

“Carmilla Karnstein! How’s retirement going?”

 

“Cut the crap, Wallace. You got some missing kids and I have some time so I’m offering my services to you so you can get this case off your hands”

 

There was a pause, and Carmilla could hear Wallace breathing down the receiver. She grimaced slightly, picturing his larger form sitting in the too-small chair in his over-sized office. There was probably old coffee cups littering his desk, and most certainly chocolate wrappers hidden in his bin under recycled paper. Hadrien Wallace was the stereotypical cop and the laziest bastard Carmilla had ever had the honour of meeting. 

 

“These are more than a single case, though, Karnstein.”

 

“You and I both know it isn’t.”

 

Wallace sighed and Carmilla rolled her eyes, turning to face the open window that overlooked the park where Faith Simmons was found tied to a tree a mere few weeks ago. The area was back open to the public now, and kids were riding their bikes along the concrete paths. Everyone was avoiding the tree, though. Almost as if Faith’s body was still there. 

 

“As far as the public is concerned, these are completely unrelated cases. You’d do well to keep it that way.”

 

He hung up before Carmilla could reply, leaving her fuming in her apartment. What made her think that Wallace would want her help anyway? He was a lazy bastard, and didn’t fully appreciate her when she was officially working for him. If anyone was going to see this as the single case it clearly was, it wasn’t going to be anyone working the local police station, that was for sure. 

Looking once again out the window, Carmilla saw a kid swerve dangerously off the path. A man walking past went to help him up, but their mother rushed forward and scooped the kid up before the man could reach them. This case had the public scared, nervous of everyone around them. How long would it go on before the PD got their heads out of the asses and did something about it? 

 

Dialling a different number, Carmilla waited for the voice on the other end to acknowledge her before speaking quickly. 

 

“Can you make time to come over? I got something I need to run past you.”

 

* * *

 

William Eisen liked his life. He liked it in the sense that he had no obligations at the moment and could literally spend all his time doing absolutely nothing. Which was odd, considering he had existed for a significant amount of time by now, and one would think that he would have grown sick of simply doing nothing, but he didn’t. In fact, he quite enjoyed doing nothing, because he had spent the majority of his undead life doing _something._

 

Like kidnapping. And murder. 

 

Carmilla was the one who had convinced him to take a break from life. He hadn’t taken her seriously at first, until she pointed out that he had a bank account with literally decades of interest saved up and he could afford to take a few years off. Hell, he _deserved_ to take time off because he had been working on the whole “not being a douche-face moron” thing. 

 

It would be a lie if he said he wasn’t surprised when Carmilla sought him out. After all, he had fled Silas after whole debacle with Mother, and if his relationship with his after-death sister had been strained before that it was definitely strained after. He had felt it was his brotherly duty to write Carmilla and tell her he was in America, but he hadn’t gotten a reply for a long while after, assuming Carmilla was pissed with him. Not surprising, really, but he still wrote her, telling her what he was doing and how he was going. 

 

When Carmilla came to see him sometime in the early 24th century, he had been surprised sure, but he had also let Carmilla into his small apartment because Carmilla had looked _sad_ and he had evolved as a person and he did actually care about his sister. He wanted to make amends, and since Carmilla had come to him, surely she did as well? Either way, he brought her in and sat her down, got her a glass of blood and let her drink, taking in her rugged appearance. 

 

As she finished off the glass she looked up at him, smiling softly and muttering something William took to be her thanks. He nodded in response, taking the glass and sitting it on the floor next to the couch the two of them were currently occupying. He rubbed his hands together, nervously trying to figure out the correct thing to say. What did you say when your in-death-sister showed up on your doorstep after literal centuries had gone by during which she hated you and everything you stood for? He didn’t know, so he swallowed hard and looked at her hoping something vaguely intelligent and profound came out of his mouth. 

 

“You don’t have to say anything, I’ve read all your letters so I know you are the idiot you were before Maman died.” Carmilla’s voice was flat and drained and William felt something resembling heart ache at the sight. This wasn’t the strong and sarcastic woman he had known at Silas. This was a shell; something had broken inside of Carmilla and he had no idea what to do. 

 

She looked at him and he stared back, unsure about whether to hug her or not. When she rolled her eyes he bit his lip, trying not to laugh because was this really a time to laugh? He didn’t think so, but even in such a broken state, this was definitely Carmilla and it was nice to know that she wasn’t totally defeated. 

 

“I’ve grown, I’ve changed. Getting half-staked does that to you, you know?” 

 

Carmilla nodded and rubbed her hands together. William frowned, wondering briefly if that was a badly timed joke or if his ice-break attempt had been successful. When Carmilla looked back up at him there were tears in her eyes and suddenly he was enveloped in an awkward hug that he struggled to return. 

 

“She doesn’t remember.” Carmilla whispered, “She doesn’t remember and now I’m alone.”

 

“Who doesn’t remember?”

 

Carmilla shook her head and buried her face into the crook of William’s neck. He held her, rubbing her back and murmuring softly that she wasn’t alone anymore. Neither of them were. He was here and it would be okay eventually. He promised, in the hopes that he could help his sister even a little bit, and was really glad when she sighed and whispered that she was glad she had found him. 

 

Because he was glad too. 

 

Now they were close; she was his best friend and the two of them had worked together in the police force. They had resigned together, too, both feeling like they needed to get the hell away from all the corruption that occurred because really? They had enough of that with Maman. He knew Carmilla still did the odd job though, and didn’t mind helping out every now and again. She didn’t call on him much, so when she did William knew that it was serious. 

 

Like right now. 

 

Carmilla had emailed him the files, and he had spent his Thursday reading through them. There was a lot, but he found himself remembering why he had become a crime analyst in the first place. It was interesting, and especially considering his background, helped him understand people better. Made him understand himself better. 

 

He called her back. 

 

“I see what you mean,” he said as she answered, scrolling through the document on his computer, “there’s definitely something there.”

 

“So it’s linked? She was right?”

 

“I’d say so. There’s some inconsistencies but they could just be experimentation. There is definitely a pattern, though, so I’d say you have a case even if Wallace says differently.” He paused, considering his next words carefully. “But Carm? Be careful okay? I know you want to help but don’t forget to look after yourself too.”

 

Carmilla sighed and William could picture her running a hand through her hair and looking around her apartment for no apparent reason other than for something to do. He could see the little lines in her forehead and how her eyebrows furrowed together and she mulled over the words. The way she bit her lip as she considered a reply. Carmilla was by nature a careful person, but when it came to these girls all common sense went out the window and he knew that she knew that, but he also knew that she wouldn’t consider the consequences if she got sucked back into this game. 

 

“I will be. Thanks Will.”

 

“It’s William.”

 

“Not to me.”

 

He laughed and so did Carmilla. It was nice, feeling as though they weren’t totally alone in the world. He had friends, sure, and LaFontaine and Perry had become good friends despite their initial discrepancies regarding him in general. But having someone who knew exactly who Maman had been, and understanding the ongoing fears that she would someone return and force the two of them back into that hell of a lifestyle was something else entirely. It was something that, no matter how hard anyone may try, only Carmilla could really supply. 

 

“You’re still coming, right?”

 

William nodded, “yeah. You still cool with picking me up?”

 

“Of course! I couldn’t leave you to the hell storm that is the public transport system, could I?”

 

“You’ve done it before, Kitty.”

 

“Only because you were an insulting prat.”

 

“When am I not?”

 

The eye roll that Carmilla had most certainly given him was felt even down the phone line, and William could have sworn he had heard Carmilla mutter something about rat-boys and their disgusting personalities. It made him smile, and he uttered words of love that made Carmilla gag into the phone before hanging up on him, only to send him a text saying “I love you too” that kept him smiling for the rest of the week. 


	3. 2B: Easily

Being with Emily was easy, despite the publicity that surrounded it. Of course, Carmilla had known that getting involved with a politician wouldn’t be the most low-key of relationships. She didn’t care though, because Emily was gorgeous and funny and after enduring a lifetime of hardships, Carmilla wanted something familiar. 

 

She got along with LaF and Perry too, which was a change because most of the time the ginger twins tried their hardest to dislike any of the girls Carmilla brought home. LaF especially tried to push the girls away, saying that Carmilla was using them. In a way, LaF was right, because Carmilla was holding onto the hope that one day, one of these girls would be entirely _Laura_ and not just a mediocre representation of her.LaF said it was unfair, Perry didn’t completely understand but at least she tried to get along with them. 

 

It made it harder when the girls didn’t remember, though. Even if they only remembered the tiniest of details, it was easier because Carmilla didn’t feel like she was working from nothing. Emily though, she was different. She didn’t have the faintest of clues about who Carmilla was. Had no idea, and Carmilla was all but ready to give up on chasing these girls because this was the second one in a row that didn’t remember, but Emily surprised her. 

 

Emily chased _her_. 

 

It started out as just a casual thing, where Carmilla would be off doing something and Emily would just turn up. Then it evolved into invitations to political events, and try as Carmilla might to get out of them (because really, she was done with pursuing these girls. Really.) Emily would someone manage to get her to go. 

 

“I don’t do politics, love.” Carmilla would say, and Emily would laugh and flutter her eyelids which would only serve to make Carmilla scoff and roll her eyes. “And even if I did, social gatherings and I do not mix.”

 

“So you aren’t secretly a party girl?” Emily would retort, folding her arms across her chest and mimicking Carmilla’s frown. “Could of fooled me. You look like you’re dressed for a party at any moment, should one happen to cross your path.”

 

Carmilla looked down at her clothes and then back up at the woman standing in front of her. The look on Carmilla’s face must have given away exactly who offended she was, because Emily’s smirk dropped and she sighed. 

 

“Look, I just want someone there who isn’t an 80 year old man with ideas as outdated as his suit,” she shrugged, and Carmilla rolled her eyes again because she knew that she would end up going and she hated the fact that she always managed to get roped into this. “If you were there, maybe I wouldn’t feel like throwing myself out of the window every time they open their mouths.”

 

So Carmilla found herself donning a fancy dress and going to parties and somewhere along the way people started referring to her as “Emily’s girlfriend” and for some reason she couldn’t quite place, Carmilla didn’t entirely mind. 

 

And maybe it was the fact that Emily pursued her even though Carmilla didn’t necessarily want her to. Or maybe it was just because Emily was generally a selfless and caring person. Either way, LaF and Perry and even William, who always managed to squirm his way out of personal things, liked Emily. And even though she wasn’t Laura, Carmilla found herself caring about the woman’s wellbeing. 

 

In another life she might have loved Emily as much as Emily had loved her. 

 

That life, though, wasn’t this one. 

 

* * *

 

The house stood on the corner of two streets in a quiet part of town that Carmilla hadn’t visited in many, many years. It was old and could probably do with a new coat of paint, but there was a swing hanging from a tree in the front yard and Carmilla could tell that despite all it’s failings in aesthetic, the house belonged to a family that failed none in love. 

 

It belonged to a happy family. 

 

Or it did. 

 

Checking again the scrawled address on her palm, Carmilla pulled her shirt down more firmly and strolled up the few steps to the front door. 

 

The door swung open before Carmilla could knock and she was greeted with a face Carmilla could only describe as haunted. 

 

“You’re Carmilla?”

 

Carmilla nodded. “Yes Ma’am.” 

 

The lady frowned and looked Carmilla up and down. “I thought you would be older. Never mind though, come in. We’re in the kitchen.”

 

Carmilla stepped into the house and was immediately engulfed with the scent of home. It was warm and comforting, and as she shrugged off her coat she studied the pictures adorning the walls, the football boots and array of sports equipment at the front door, the discarded toys strewn across the carpet. It was the house that should have been filled with children, laughing and playing. 

 

It was silent. 

 

“Would you like some coffee detective?”

 

“That would be wonderful, thank you.”

 

She wandered slowly into the kitchen, smiling softly at the group of people gathered around the small kitchen table; heads leaning in towards one another, hands grasped tightly together. Carmilla immediately felt out of place as she stood off to the side, awkwardly stuffing her hands into her pockets in an attempt to _do_ something other than stare. 

 

“Sugar and milk?”

 

“No thank you.”

 

The lady who had greeted her smiled sadly, placing the mug on the kitchen table and gesturing for Carmilla to take a seat. Carmilla obliged, thanking the lady once again before taking a sip from the mug and relishing the warmth that it provided. 

 

“I want to thank you for calling. I - I know you aren’t with the police force but…” The lady reached out and wrapped her hand around Carmilla’s and the vampire had to stop herself from flinching. The touch was soft and warm and she desperately wished that she could provide half the comfort this woman clearly craved. That she needed. That she deserved. “It’s just nice to know that someone is trying. That someone cares.”

 

“I can assure you Mrs Wilson, I will do everything in my power to find out what happened to your son.”

 

“Alleah.” The lady smiled and removed her hand from Carmilla’s and the vampire relaxed slightly. “Call me Alleah. I’m sure we’ll be working together quite a bit.”

 

Carmilla nodded and took another sip from her mug before placing it back down and reaching down for her bag. She pulled out a notebook and skimmed the few notes she had taken from the Wilson file. It wasn’t much - the police had only done the bare minimum of questioning - but it was a start. 

 

“So it’s just you and your son living here?”

 

Alleah nodded. “My mother and brothers live a few blocks away, but it’s just Mohammad and me here.” She paused and glanced sideways at the other occupants of the table Carmilla now guessed to be Alleah’s other family. 

 

“My husband left a few months after Mohammad was born.”

 

“Do you know where he went?”

 

Alleah shook her head. 

 

A gruff voice spoke up. “Went to Vegas, last I heard.”

 

Carmilla turned to look at the speaker, someone she could only guess was Alleah’s brother. He looked angry and sad at the same time; a feeling Carmilla knew all too well. 

 

“How do you know that?”

 

“When a man hurts my baby sister, a man’s gotta do what he’s gotta do to look out for her.” He shook his head, “I made a few calls, kept tabs on him so I’d know if he ever made a move to come back. No way was I letting him anywhere near my family again.”

 

“When did you last check up on him?”

 

“A few weeks back. About three days before Mohammad went missing. The guy was in Vegas. Probably gambling away his life savings.” He let out a laugh, “good riddance I say.”

 

Carmilla nodded, scribbling down the information. “So there’s no chance he was the one to take Mohammad?”

 

Alleah shook her head furiously. “No no. My brother checked again after we found Mohammad. Peter had been in his hotel room all night with a…” 

 

“A prostitute.”

 

Carmilla’s eyebrow elevated but she made no other expression as she continued to notate. It wasn’t likely that the ex had anything to do with this case, but she’d be sure to make a few calls just in case. After all, the husband was always the first suspect. 

 

“Why did your son leave the house that day?”

 

“He was going to the store.”

 

“What time did he leave?”

 

Alleah paused. “About 3:30.”

 

“And when did you call the police?”

 

“Later that night. I think it was around 7 or 8. We went out to look for him before that.”

 

Carmilla nodded, “and by we you mean your brothers and you?” She glanced sideways at the other occupants of the room. Apart from the brief addition by Alleah’s brother, the others had been so quiet Carmilla and forgotten they were actually there. 

 

“Yes.” Alleah nodded. “The store is only a few block away and it shouldn’t have taken him more than half an hour. Sometimes he was back in twenty minutes. So when he wasn’t back by 4:30 I knew something was wrong. That something had gone wrong.”

 

A few tears began to trace wet lines down Alleah’s face and Carmilla reached out and took her hand. The woman took a deep, jagged breath, inhaling through her nose before breathing a puff of air out of her mouth. Carmilla squeezed her hand. 

 

“The store owner says he never saw Mohammad, so that narrows down the time frame.” Carmilla released Alleah’s hand and looked back down at her scrawled notes. “I just need to ask you one more thing.”

Alleah nodded, pulling herself up straighter in the chair. “Anything.”

 

Carmilla took a sheet of paper out of the folder. “Have you ever seen or heard of these children?”

 

“No. Never.” Alleah shook her head and handed it back to Carmilla who sighed. “Is there a…are they related to Mohammad?”

 

“That’s the golden question now, isn’t it?” 

 

* * *

 

Lola Perry’s Coffee House wasn’t much to look at. It wasn’t popular. It wasn’t the “place to be”. Anyone who frequented the place, however, knew that Lola’s Coffee House was the only place that could serve up a triple shot caramel latte with extra cream and get you a plate of brownies and help you figure out what to do about your stalker ex-wife and gambling problem all before 10am on a Thursday. 

 

Lola Perry, after all, took her customers seriously. 

 

So Carmilla barely battered an eyelid when she walked into the establishment and saw Perry leaning over the counter holding the hand of a man Carmilla didn’t recognise and talking very seriously. She simply took her regular seat in the back corner of the shop, settling into the familiar chair and raising a hand to the barista who nodded. 

 

Two minutes later Carmilla’s regular order was siting in front of her and open on the table was a stack of folders. 

 

She had, after all, resigned herself to the fact that this case wasn’t going to go away unless she did something about it. 

 

“I thought you’d given up on this police business.”

 

Carmilla smiled without looking up, closing her eyes and gripping the piece of paper on her hands tighter. _I’m ridiculous_ , she thought to herself, _absolutely ridiculous_. 

 

“And I thought you’d given up advising strangers on their private lives and yet here we are.”

 

Perry shrugged, there was no point arguing with Carmilla. She was telling the truth. LaFontaine had often said that Perry needed to stop offering free counselling services to strangers, but Perry was by nature a helping person. She felt a general need to ensure that the people who came into her shop felt cared for and looked after. It wasn’t something that she could help, but she agreed to tone it down a little. 

 

Like a part-time thing. 

 

Sort of. 

 

As Carmilla cleared away space at the table, Perry sat down opposite her. She avoided looking at the files, knowing from experience that she would sleep better at night not knowing the intricate details of Carmilla’s work life. Their friendship was based entirely off of Perry looking after Carmilla emotionally and in return Carmilla kept Perry in dark with all the supernatural happenings. Or as in the dark as possible, that is. The latter was harder, considering Perry’s current predicament, but Carmilla did her best and Perry was thankful for it. Because of Carmilla’s efforts she was able to live out her life in relative normalcy; feeding coffee and gluten-free brownies to strangers and listening to their human problems. 

 

It was great, all things considered, and Perry was content. 

 

“I’ve toned it down, you know that.”

 

“Of course, Mama Hen.”

 

“Oh stop it.”

 

“Never.”

 

Carmilla smirked, snapping the folder closed and throwing it onto the table. She sighed, picking up her mug and swirling the contents for a moment before taking a large mouthful. The warm blood tasted vaguely of cinnamon and she smiled appreciatively at Perry who shrugged in response and took a drink from her own, bloodless mug. 

 

That was another thing Carmilla liked about this arrangement, Perry and her staff took care of her “needs” so to speak. LaFontaine did all the hiring, scoping out the supernatural who needed a few extra dollars. Of course, Perry truly believed that her staff were human, not that the staff minded because they were treated _normal,_ and Carmilla suspected that that was the exact reason Lola Perry’s Coffee House was so successful. When you stepped inside you were immediately overwhelmed with a sense of home. 

 

Carmilla knew that was why she kept going back, if not for the fact her friends ran it. 

 

“LaFontaine mentioned you found another one.”

 

The laugh that escaped Carmilla’s lips caused a few heads to turn. “More like she found me.”

 

“I thought you were done with this.”

 

“I was Perry, I was but…” Carmilla sighed, leaning back in the chair and folding her arms across her chest. She knew it was a position of self-protection, and from the look on Perry face her friend knew it too. This only caused Carmilla to wrap herself up tighter and she realised it was a really good thing she didn’t breathe because she almost certainly wouldn’t be able to in her current self-imposed position. “I don’t know. Sometime I really think she could be _the one,_ you know. I look at her and I see Laura. But other times it’s like I’m looking at a complete stranger.”

 

“Do you really believe that Laura will come back?”

 

The question made Carmilla still in her seat, and the vampire blinked a few times, staring at Perry sitting across from her. Gorgeous Perry. Innocent Perry. Perry who never changed, never aged, stuck in her twenty-fiver year old human body for eternity and spent her time looking after everyone around her. Who kept things normal and sane and so utterly _human_ that she had somehow managed to crawl her way into Carmilla’s heart and latch on. 

 

Perry who looked after Carmilla when even Carmilla couldn’t, and reminded her of the harsh realities Carmilla would otherwise choose to conveniently ignore. 

 

“I have to believe, Perry. If I don’t then I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

 

And it was true. Maybe there was a time before Laura that Carmilla knew that she could do anything. Be anything. Now though, after Laura and everything that she and Laura had done, it was as though a part of Carmilla had died with Laura, and Carmilla didn’t think she would ever get it back. 

 

Not unless Laura came back to her, and these girls were her hope. Her hope that maybe she could get a part of herself back. Not all, she knew that she would never really be the same. Laura had changed her, for the better she thinks, but changed her nonetheless, and she would never be the person she was before Laura. But maybe, just maybe, she would be able to grasp some of herself again, become more than this walking shell that she had become. Maybe she would be able to piece herself back together and walk forward. 

 

She had to believe that maybe she would be able to be someone without the pieces that were buried with Laura. 

 

“Hey Carmilla!”

 

The cheery voice caused Carmilla’s head to snap up and she was greeted with a bright smile from Lauren. She could feel Perry’s worrisome gaze in her back but she ignored it, standing up to greet the woman and pull over a chair. 

 

Lauren thanked her, sitting down and tucking her bag under her chair; an action that caused Perry to look questioningly at Carmilla. 

 

“My dad always said that coffee shops were the perfect place for bag theft, and considering my entire life is pretty much in this bag, I don’t want to take any chances.”

 

“Oh,” Perry nodded, a serious look clouding her face as she took in the blonde woman’s appearance. Carmilla watched, taking in every flicker of emotion that crossed Perry’s face, smiling as her friend swallowed hard before standing and brushing imaginary crumbs off of her pants. “Well, I can assure you sweetie that no such theft happens in this coffee shop. I took a great deal of care ensuring that the place was fitted with the best security system.”

 

Lauren nodded. “So you’re the owner?”

 

“Yes, dear. You can call me Perry.”

 

A hint of recognition lit up Lauren’s face and she looked from Carmilla to Perry and back again. “You said Lola Perry built this place.”

 

“I also said it ran in the family.”

 

“Yes, well. I didn’t really believe you because many places are family business’ but they always get sold.”

 

“You should learn to take me more seriously, L.”

 

Perry cleared her throat, stopping the bickering between the two seated women and causing them both to look up at her. With a pointed look in Carmilla’s direction she announced that she should head back to work. 

 

“Would you like anything to eat?”

 

“No thanks.” Lauren replied, “I just ate, but um, I might get a hot chocolate?”

 

Perry nodded, and wiped her hands once again on the front of her trousers and taking a deep breath she turned back to Carmilla. 

 

“I expect to see you at dinner tomorrow night. You’ve skipped the last few and LaFontaine is complaining that you’re ditching us again.”

 

“I’ve been busy, Perry. You know that.”

 

“Yes, well,” Perry looked at Lauren and frowned before looking back at Carmilla, “that’s no excuse. I expect to see you there.”

 

* * *

 

They sat in silence for a moment, Carmilla hastily finishing her drink and Lauren sitting patiently, hands folded in her lap. She was looking at Carmilla, studying the way her jaw flexed as she swallowed, noticing the unblemished skin, the dark circles under her eyes. She looked tired. Defeated, almost. Haunted. There was a shadow hanging over Carmilla that Lauren hadn’t noticed before and Lauren found herself wondering if Carmilla had been getting enough sleep. 

 

Which was a ridiculous thought and it unnerved her a little bit because she had literally only known the woman for a few months and she wasn’t even sure if she _liked_ her and yet here she was stressing slightly about the woman’s sleeping habits and overall health. 

 

_Get a grip, Lauren._

 

“So have you found out anything?” she asked, deciding that she really needed to distract herself and as Perry had yet to bring over her drink, talking seemed like the logical alternative. “I’m assuming that’s why you wanted to meet?”

 

Carmilla nodded, reaching for one of the files stacked on the table with one hand and flipping open a notebook with the other. “I called my brother. He used to work as a criminal analyst. Did some profiling with the FBI for a while. Anyway, he looked over the case for me and agrees that there is a link. A substantial link. We just don’t know what it is yet, which makes determining a motive hard.”

 

She paused, skimming through her notebook for a moment and Lauren caught herself staring at Carmilla’s jawline again. She looked away, glancing over to the front counter and wondering when Perry would bring her drink over. 

 

“Will flew in. He’s going to help out, by the way so you should meet him soon. Anyway, he and I went and did some door knocking. We didn’t come up with much except all these kids came from fairly normal homes and there was no reason any of them had to run away so kidnapping seems the likeliest.” She tapped her pen a few times onto her notebook and then looked back up at Lauren, “I spoke to Alleah Wilson and her family. The police skipped over the fact that Alleah’s ex husband ran out on the family a few years ago. Apparently he’s in Vegas at the moment but I haven't been able to get in contact with him. Will spoke with the local police in the area Mr Wilson is supposedly staying in. They said they would check him out but we haven't heard back.”

 

“Do you think he had something to do with it?”

 

“Honestly? I doubt it. According to Alleah’s brother the guys been having a heap of fun with prostitutes. It doesn’t seem likely that he would come back just to kill his kid. Who know’s though. I’ll check it out, but if the Vegas cops don’t get back to me I wont lose any sleep.”

 

_Anymore sleep you mean_ , Lauren’s mind shot straight back to her earlier worries and it struck her how little she actually knew about Carmilla. Was she married? Seeing anyone? She was an attractive woman so surely she had someone. The apartment complex she lived in was small though, so maybe she did live alone. But then, was anyone looking out for her? She was so tiny, there honestly wasn’t much meat on those bones as Lauren’s dad would say. Was she eating right? The questions kept coming and Lauren frowned while staring again at Carmilla’s exposed neck. 

 

“…you aren’t even paying attention.”

 

“What?”

 

“Were you listening at all?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Carmilla didn’t look convinced and Lauren had enough decency to look apologetic. Carmilla rolled her eyes, shuffling the papers and placing them carefully back into one of the folders.She was muttering under her breath and Lauren caught “creampuff”, “ridiculous,” and “I’m doing this for you” before Carmilla looked up and rolled her eyes again. 

 

“Don’t think too hard, L. Wouldn’t want to hurt that pretty head of yours.”

 

“Hey!”

 

The smirk on Carmilla’s face made Lauren’s blood boil, and if it weren’t for Perry’s well-times appearance Lauren was sure that she would have ended up swearing at Carmilla - something she didn’t do often and only under the most stressful of circumstances. 

 

She now remembered why she didn’t care about the woman. 

 

As she took an angry sip of her drink, Carmilla sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. Lauren could feel the woman’s eyes on her, and she avoided the gaze, looking everywhere except at the woman in front of her. 

 

The drink was hot, though, and there was only so much she could swallow before her eyes started to water and she was forced to put the mug down and let her mouth cool. So she finally looked back up at Carmilla who’s expression was serious in comparison to the self-righteous smirk that had previously graced her face. 

 

“What?”

 

“You don’t like me.”

 

“Is that obvious.”

 

“Yes, actually,” Carmilla sat forward, leaning her elbows on her knees and frowning at Lauren who suddenly felt very self-conscious. She wiggled, pulling herself up straighter and tugging her shirt down. “But if you don’t like me, why don’t you get someone else to do this case? Why stay with me?”

 

“I um, I don’t know.” She swallowed, looking down at her mug of hot chocolate and frowning. Honestly, getting someone else to do this for her hadn’t occurred to her. And despite her general dislike of Carmilla, she felt as though she had some kind of obligation to her. As though she was indebted to her. It was as ridiculous a notion as her previous worry about Carmilla’s self-care regime and she silently chastised herself but she felt she should at least be honest with Carmilla because after all, the woman was doing work for her. “I just, feel like I owe you, or something. Like there’s this pull and I need you to do this and not anyone else. It sounds stupid, I know, but I guess as much as I don’t like you, I also feel like I know you.”

 

Carmilla frowned and Lauren laughed, picking up the mug again.“But that’s ridiculous because we only just met and you’re not even the type of person I’d want to be friends with so its whatever.”

 

As Lauren finished her drink and left, Perry came over to clear the table and try as she might, Carmilla couldn’t avoid the worried look Perry shot her before Carmilla left the building. 

 

 


	4. 3A: Forgot About My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BABY KIRSCH

There were few things in this world that made Lafontaine squirm. They’d seen it all, especially in their line of work. This though? This irked them. There was just something about kids on the autopsy table that wasn’t right. Especially young kids. 

 

Sighing, LaF pulled their eyes away from the still face of Timothy Rogers and continued writing on the clip board. _Cause of Death: multiple knife wounds to torso causing severe blood loss._

 

“You ‘right there, doc?”

 

Carmilla stood in the doorway of the morgue, leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed over her chest. She had her glasses on, thick frames that added a dimension of humanity that otherwise diminished her air of mystery. LaF knew Carmilla didn’t really need the glasses for anything other than long periods of reading, but they also knew that Carmilla liked to wear the glasses. They made her feel human, if only for a short while, and while Perry chastised her for it saying that Carmilla would only ruin what eyesight she had left, LaF let her get away with it because they knew that those glasses served ass a bridge between who Carmilla was and who she wished she could be. 

 

“Yeah. Just finishing up the paperwork then we can leave.”

 

Carmilla nodded, walking into the morgue and taking a seat on the stool beside the table and raking her gaze down the small body of Timothy Rogers. He was covered to his chin with a white sheet but it did nothing to hide the tiny size of his frame that gave away his tender age. 

 

If there was one thing that was for certain, it was that Timothy Rogers should not have been on LaF’s table.

 

“How old was he?”

 

LaF looked up from their clipboard and darted their eyes between Carmilla and Timothy’s body.

 

“Nine.”

 

Carmilla nodded, and LaF thought that Carmilla would have more to say, but the PI was silent, gazing at the body with what LaF could only call sadness. 

 

Apparently this case had gotten to everyone. 

 

Initialling at the bottom of the page, LaF handed the clipboard to their assistant and leant back on the sink. They regarded Carmilla, a hint of worry causing a wrinkle in their brow as they took in Carmilla’s ragged appearance. The woollen red jacket Carmilla had wrapped tightly around her lithe frame was one LaF recognised as having been Laura’s, and despite the fact that it had gone out of style centuries ago, Carmilla still wore it when she especially missed the woman who had owned it. 

 

“I thought that we had established that burning holes in my back was impossible.” Carmilla turned her head slightly in LaF’s direction. “Although I should have known you wouldn’t let that stop you from trying.”

 

“What can I say? I’m stubborn.” 

 

Carmilla let out a low chuckle, watching as LaF’s assistant as they prepared to take Timothy’s body to cold storage. 

 

“Infuriatingly so,” she replied, standing and pulling her jacket tighter around her body. She knew LaF was watching but she pretended not to notice as she took one last look at the boy on the metal table before turning and walking out of the morgue, calling out to her friend behind her. “I need at least three drinks before we talk any more. Hurry up.”

 

* * *

 

“Alright, cut the bullshit. What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

The look LaF sent Carmilla’s way was one Carmilla was intimately familiar with, but the brunette tried to ignore it anyway. It didn’t matter though, because as much as she tried to stare intently into her noodles, LaF’s eyes bore into the top of her head and against her will she looked up to meet the gaze of her best friend. 

 

Rolling her eyes, Carmilla put down her fork and sat back in her chair, chewing on her bottom lip as she tried to find the words to explain to LaF whatever was happening inside her head. LaF waited, ceasing to stare at Carmilla and returning to her food. They knew they had won, and the two of them wouldn’t leave the noodle house until Carmilla had talked. It was how it always happened these days, and LaF knew that Carmilla would deny it should anyone ever question her about it. But they also knew that they had reached the point in their friendship with the vampire where Carmilla would open up to LaF with minimal force. 

 

That was a good thing though, because Carmilla really did need someone to open up to. And it wasn’t like LaF was _going_ anywhere. 

 

“She said she feels like she knows me.” 

 

The words were spoken so softly that LaF nearly missed them. When their brain did register the words, however, LaF paused and looked up at Carmilla, a frown etched into their forehead and they tried to comprehend what their friend had just said. 

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“Lauren. She said that she feels like she knows me.” Carmilla bit her lip again and leant forward, elbow on the table and head in the palm of her hand. She stirred the noodles around in her bowl absentmindedly. “It freaked me out.”

 

LaF nodded, absorbing the information. It wasn’t the first time the two of them had had this conversation, but it was the first time Carmilla had looked so broken about it. 

 

“But she doesn’t remember, right? That’s what Perry said.”

 

“She doesn’t remember. Or if she does, she certainly hasn’t said anything.” She twirled some noodles around her fork but left it in her bowl. She didn’t have an appetite anymore. “But she just reminds me so much of Laura, you know? Like not even physically it’s all in the mannerisms. And it’s stupid of me to think that…you know. Especially after this long. But then she will do something or say something and it’s just so…”

 

“Laura.” LaF finished. Carmilla nodded. 

 

“Yeah. And part of me wishes that none of this had happened because I was just starting to feel okay with moving past it, you know? But now I’m getting sucked in again and it hurts.” Carmilla looked up and LaF was surprised to see tears in the vampires eyes. In the three centuries that they had been friends, LaF could count on one hand the amount of times Carmilla had cried and three of those were with Laura. “It hurts because this is Laura. This is Laura but she doesn’t remember and why can’t she remember?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

As suddenly as they appeared, the tears were gone, and Carmilla sat up straight again, swallowing hard and picking up her drink. LaF looked down, stirring their noodles around in the bowl before pushing it away and picking up their own drink. 

 

“Are you still avoiding her?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

LaF shook their head, laughing slightly but they didn’t say anything. It wasn’t like they could change Carmilla’s mind on the matter. That wasn’t how this friendship worked. Perry was the one that told Carmilla what to do. LaF just listened and got drunk with Carmilla at 2am on a Tuesday. That’s who this friendship worked. 

 

“How long you going to avoid her for?”

 

“Until it doesn’t hurt to think about her anymore.”

 

LaF laughed. “So forever, then?”

 

“Probably.”

 

The two sat in silence, drinking and looking at everyone except each other. When the silence was broken it was by Carmilla’s voice, small and broken against the loud atmosphere of the noodle house they were in. 

 

“I miss her.”

 

They didn’t need to ask who Carmilla was referring to. Everyone missed her. 

 

* * *

 

In all honesty, William didn’t know how he had dealt with the police for so long, let alone the FBI. He had forgotten, in his years since his “retirement” from his job, how petty everyone was. He had forgotten about the politics of the job, and now as he walked into his old office he was overwhelmed with how particular  it all was; nothing was out of place, and William truly believed he coldest straight off of the desk, it was that clean. 

 

He walked around the room, running his hand over the back of the leather chair and glancing at the bare shelves along the wall. There had once been a stack of books there, and a few photos too. The walls used to be home to framed movie posters and there were three cacti on the windowsill. Now though, the room was bare, and it was hard to tell if anyone actually worked in here now. 

 

“Eisen. Didn’t think I’d ever see you back here. Not trying to steal my job are you?”

 

“Not a chance, John. The job’s all yours.” 

 

William laughed and stepped back around the desk, embracing the man that had just walked in. At age thirty, John Kirsch was the splitting image of his ancestors, tall, broad shoulder and fit with a crop of red hair on his head. Looking at him, William felt the same pang of guilt he always felt when looking at Brody’s descendants. He never really made up with his old frat buddy, and while Carmilla insisted that Brody had long since forgiven him, he couldn’t help but feel guilty about the way things ended between them. 

 

He liked to think that helping John Kirsch rise the ranks of the FBI made up for it, in some small way. 

 

They sat down in front of the desk and John pulled out two mugs from a drawer. From the fridge he produced a carton of milk and poured some of the red liquid into a mug and gave it to William. The dark haired man nodded his thanks, smiling internally at the fact that John still kept some blood on hand for William’s rare visits. 

 

“I haven’t forgotten,” John said, adding sugar to his coffee and stirring it. “I like to keep some on hand should you choose to grace this old man with your presence.”

 

“Oh shut it, John.” William scoffed, leaning back in his chair and putting one foot up on the desk. “You’re what? Thirty-five? You’re barely middle-aged. Get over yourself!”

 

John rolled his eyes, picking up his mug and moving to sit down next to William. He took a sip of his coffee before placing the mug on the desk and swatting at William’s feet, forcing his friend to remove them from his desk and earning a small protest from the vampire. 

 

“To you, maybe. But some of us do age, William. We feel every year that passes.”

 

“I’m sure you do,” William nodded, holding his mug in both hands and staring at the red liquid in it. The substance that kept him functioning, warm and sane. It was an acquired taste; one that took him many, many years to get used to. Now it was tasteless, almost like water, and the realisation of this was the moment it really dawned on him the nature of his existence. “But you have many years left in you, my friend. Don’t give up hope yet.”

 

John just laughed and leant forward in his chair, resting his hands on his knees and looking sideways at his friend, still staring into his mug with an unreadable expression on his face.

 

“What brings you here?”

 

The vampire sat up, frowning as he placed his mug carefully on the desk next to John’s before reaching into his bag and pulling out a file. John glanced at it curiously, frowning to himself as he caught sight of the front page. 

 

“How do you have that?”

 

William looked up, raising his eyebrows at his old friend and chuckling slightly. 

 

“Am I not supposed to have it?” 

 

John pursed his lips and looked around before sighing. He should have known this wasn’t going to be a simple visit from his friend. 

 

“That’s supposed to be confidential.”

 

“You forget my sister is Carmilla Karnstein.”

 

John rolled his eyes. 

 

“As if I could forget that relation. You two are are worse than my nephews.”

 

William laughed and handed the file to John who took it and flicked it open to the most recent addition. Frowning he flicked back through the file, stopping every so often to read something quickly before continuing through the pages. 

 

“You’ve got a decent file here, Eisen,” he nodded, “you’re missing a few things though.”

 

William cocked his head, “like what?”

 

John looked at him, surprise written across his face and he put the file down on his lap. 

 

“You havent heard?” 

 

When William looked at him confused, John reached over and grabbed his mug off the table before looking at William. 

 

“This is officially an FBI case.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i wrote this while on a plane to Thailand sitting next to my ex gf who decided to tag along for the trip.


	5. 3B: Under the Bridge

Carmilla had never been a huge fan of hospitals. She liked to avoid them where she could. They made her nervous and twitchy when she walked the halls of one and the nurses looked at her suspiciously.She just couldn’t shake the feeling of one of them wanting to use her as an experiment. 

 

Lately though, she had found herself willingly entering into a hospital several times a week, armed with a bunch of flowers and a stash of cookies and climbing the stairs to the third floor. Sometimes people would look at her strangely as she walked into the ward and sat down at Bed 28. They would question why she was there; ask, was she related? Carmilla would glare at them, stand and open her mouth to unleash a verbal lashing at the rudeness of the stranger. A hand would reach up, though, and grasp onto her’s and Carmilla would sit down and smile at the woman in the bed. 

 

“Carm.” the cracked voice made Carmilla’s heart ache, but she covered the wrinkled hand with her own and leant down to kiss the woman’s forehead. 

 

“How you know it’s me will always be a mystery, S.” 

 

The woman smiled. 

 

“I’ll always know when you’re close. I can feel it here.” With her free hand, Sarah pointed to her chest and Carmilla smiled again. “You of all people should know that.”

 

Carmilla laughed and reached for the cookies, placing them on the bed next to Sarah and pulling one out of the packet. Sarah smiled and opened her mouth, allowing Carmilla to feed her pieces as she spoke about what she had been doing. She liked to listen to Carmilla talk, the way her voice cracked when she got excited. It reminded her of when they first met, back when she was an unknown director and Carmilla was working in the coffee shop across from the studios. 

 

Sometimes though, Carmilla would just sit while Sarah slept, reading a book or just sitting. Carmilla was good at just sitting. Experiencing the moment. “When you’ve got centuries of time, S, a few hours mean nothing.” 

 

But Sarah didn’t let Carmilla spend all day with her. Or even come every day. 

 

“You’ve got a life out there, Carm,” she said one day, “you don’t need to waste it on an old woman like me.”

 

It was a ridiculous idea, in Carmilla’s opinion because Carmilla had spent literally a lifetime with her. But Sarah had inherited Laura’s stubborness and there was no way out of it. So they compromised by allowing Carmilla to come in every few days and spend as long as she wanted. 

 

She always brought cookies.

 

That had started a few years back when Sarah had insisted on admitting herself to the nursing home.Carmilla didn’t understand what the problem was. It wasn’t as though Sarah was a burden, or even hard to look after. When Sarah lost her sight though, she insisted. 

“It will be easier for everyone, Carm.”

 

“Bullshit.”

 

Sarah didn’t let up though, and really Carmilla didn’t have a choice. 

 

“I’ll be there all the time,” she said. 

 

Sarah smiled. 

 

“Make sure you bring cookies.”

 

This time though, when she entered the hospital and climbed the stairs to the third floor she was met with sad gazes and avoidance. When she reached the last set of stairs and a nurse stopped her and mumbled her condolences, Carmilla dropped the flowers and ran. 

 

Bed 28 was empty. A nurse was changing the sheets. 

 

“I’m sorry, miss.” She whispered, “her heart gave out last night. She lived a good life though. She was lucky to have such a wonderful great-granddaughter like you looking after her.”

 

“Yeah.” Carmilla muttered, “great grand-daughter.” 

 

She never set foot in a hospital again. 

 

+++

 

Carmilla’s phone buzzed for the third time that night and after glancing at it briefly, Carmilla pushed it away and continued reading. Perry frowned from across the table and looked at LaFontaine who shrugged but didn’t say anything. 

 

William, however, wasn’t so polite. 

 

“You aren’t seriously still ignoring her.”

 

Carmilla raised an eyebrow at her brother and the two engaged in a stare off, broken only when Carmilla’s phone buzzed again and everyone looked down at it. 

 

“I’m just..avoiding.”

 

“So you’re ignoring her.” LaF nodded, exclaiming when Perry jammed her elbow into their ribs and shrugging when they noticed Carmilla’s angry glare. “Well it’s true.”

 

Carmilla went back to eating, ignoring the stiff silence that had settled over the table. They were gathered for their Friday night dinner at Perry and LaF’s house, but everyone was focused on Carmilla’s phone, still sitting next her her plate. 

 

When it buzzed for the fifth time, Will threw his hands up in the air and LaF reached for it, avoiding the angry protests from Carmilla who reached for it when she noticed LaF’s movement. 

 

“Don’t you dare. LaF!”

 

It fell on deaf ears though and LaF unlocked the phone and began reading the texts to the table. 

 

_“So William said there was some new developments. Are you free anytime soon? I’d like to go over them with you.”_

 

_“Carmilla? Please answer me.”_

 

_“Are you mad at me? :(“_

 

_“Carmilla you haven’t replied in like, a week. What’s wrong?”_

 

_“I’m sorry.”_

 

Carmilla was fuming, and as LaF finished reading the messages she stood and snatched the phone out of the doctor’s hands. LaF let her, thinking it was probably better not to do anything else to annoy the vampire. 

 

“Thanks, _friend_ ,” was all that was said before Carmilla grabbed her jacket and left the house, slamming the door behind her. 

 

+++

 

Fifty years of neglect had reduced the Rose Hill Hospice Facility into nothing but crippling shadow of the building it once was, invaded by tree roots and damaged by the elements causing the white-plaster walls to become crumbling messes on the floor. The bricks created obstacles that Carmilla expertly navigated around. This was a path that Carmilla had walked multiple times before; both before and after the closure of the centre. 

 

She walked down the deserted corridors, taking no note of the bug population nor the dead animals that littered the place. Animals that had found themselves in the ruins and failed to find a way out before either starvation and dehydration got them, or a bigger animal had made the food chain a reality. None of this bothered her; she had seen many animals fall victim to urbanisation. It was a sad reality that no one in power seemed to give any notice to anymore. Humans populated the world, and it seemed that the animals would have to wait until humanity eventually died out. 

 

Not that Carmilla cared too much. Humans annoyed her. There were only a hand full she would truly miss and they would die sooner or later anyway. 

 

Turning the corner she found herself in a room that was all too familiar. She closed the door, despite the fact that the chances of anyone walking in were non-existent. The idea of privacy was still important to her, and she found that she couldn’t completely relax in the moment while the door was still open. 

 

She knelt down beside the bed and removed the loose floorboard that was there. Reaching inside she grabbed hold of the box she kept there and pulled it out, returning the floorboard to it’s place and moving to sit on the bed. 

 

The box was dusty but still in tact and Carmilla spent a moment looking at the lid. The fading “LH + CK” in Laura’s fancy scrawl bringing back memories of the day that she had been given the box. 

 

_“It’s a memories box, Carm.” Laura jumped up and down excitedly next to Carmilla on the bed. “We put things that remind us of good times. That way we never forget!”_

 

_“But cupcake, isn’t that what photo’s are for?”_

 

_Laura rolled her eyes, “yes but this is for extra-special memories. Like this.”_

 

_She opened the box and pulled out a stack of paper that Carmilla immediately recognised._

 

_“These are the letter you wrote to me while you were at that internship in Spain,” Laura whispered, “I kept all of them and read them sometimes.”_

 

_“You’re a dork, Laura,” Carmilla whispered. “But I understand now.”_

 

Those letters were the first thing Carmilla pulled out, and she read every single one of them. There were photos, too. Of Laura, of Emily, of Sarah. Of all the other reincarnations. There were the tickets to Sarah’s first film and a newspaper cutting of Emily’s first media coverage. The invitation to Perry and LaFontaine’s wedding was there, as well as the first menu of Perry’s cafe. 

 

Carmilla pulled each momento out and read it or looked over it, tracing the faces from her past with her fingertips and remembering how their skin, hair, clothing felt in that time. How Laura had looked at her on their wedding day. How Perry had hugged her tightly at the opening of her cafe. How LaF had looked so proud when they graduated med school. 

 

How Laura’s lips had felt on her own. 

 

In the bottom was a small plastic bag, and Carmilla pulled it slowly, tipping the contents onto her palm and feeling the weight of the cold metal against her skin. Laura’s wedding ring was still as beautiful as it had been all those years ago when Carmilla had bought it, but in her opinion it looked more beautiful on Laura. 

 

Her hand instinctively reached up the the necklace around her neck, where her own wedding ring hung. Hers was darker, a dark ruby where Laura’s had a bright emerald. 

 

_“The light to my dark,”_ Carmilla had said, _“no matter how far away I am, you will guide me home.”_

 

Carmilla had wanted Laura to keep the ring, to be buried with it. But Laura had insisted the Carmilla keep it. _“They need to stay together.”_ She had said, _“Two halves of the same whole.”_

 

_“You’re my other half.”_ Carmilla had replied, _“You make me whole. What will I do when you aren’t here anymore?”_

 

_“Remember me.”_

 

As if Carmilla would forget. 

 

As if she _could_ forget.

 

Now, sitting in the abandoned hospice room surrounded by memento’s from her life, Carmilla allowed herself to cry. 

 

“I miss you, cupcake.” She whispered into the silence, “I miss you so much.” 

 

+++

 

William walked hesitantly to Carmilla’s door, biting his lower lip as he stood in the hallway fighting he urge to leave and call his sister later. His indecision was cut short, however, when the door swung open and Carmilla stood in front of him, arms folded across her chest. It looked like she had been crying, but that didn’t stop the threatening glare from having it’s impact on him, and he swallowed hard before greeting her. 

 

“Hello.”

 

“Will.”

 

He rolled his eyes, “It’s William.”

 

“Not to me it isn’t.”

 

She turned and walked into the apartment. William trailed behind her, closing the door behind him and following his sister into the kitchen where she began heating up two mugs of blood. She didn’t speak, and William was too unsure to speak. His current standing with his sister was dangerous, and he half believed that she was going to poison him. Or throw him out. Either would be acceptable, considering he did nothing to stand up for her at the dinner. She had every right to be angry, and he would accept whatever she threw his way. 

 

“Don’t look so scared, Will. I’m not pissed at you.”

 

He was not expecting that. 

 

Carmilla rolled her eyes and she pushed the mug towards him. Walking around the kitchen island she sat down next to William, holding her own mug in her hands as if savouring the heat it provided despite the fact it would do nothing to help her. It was a human habit she had picked up, but William never said anything about it. It wasn’t as though telling her would make her do anything to change the habit. And it was harmless, anyway. William just found it amusing. 

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You teased, but you always do that. I’m pissed at LaF. And Perry, I guess. But mostly LaF.” She sighed, “but it’s not like I have good reason to. They just tipped me over the edge, you know? Like this whole situation is so fucked and that was just the last straw.”

 

“Have you told them?”

 

Carmilla shrugged, staring into her mug. “I think I just need space. To process. Calm down. Whatever.”

 

William nodded and put a hand on Carmilla’s shoulder. She looked at him and he saw fresh tears in her eyes. The sight made his own heart clench in his chest and he stood, pulling Carmilla up with him. 

 

He wrapped her in a hug. 

 

She stiffened at first, unused to the physical contact, but then she relaxed and wrapped her own arms around his waist. She didn’t cry, not really. A few tears leaked but it wasn’t a full-on cry. Mostly they just stood there, wrapped around each other in the most sibling-like activity they had engaged in for many, many years. 

 

And then Carmilla pulled back, wiped her face and the moment was gone. 

 

“So what did you find out from baby-Kirsch?”

 

“His name is John and he is a man, thank you.”

 

Carmilla laughed, a stiff laugh that was designed for the sole purpose of hiding her feelings. He had heard this laugh many times over the years. He had used to in the past, too. All of them had. When you had lived as long as the four of them, you had to find ways to cope. 

 

Laughing was one of them. 

 

“He’s still a child,” Carmilla said, picking up her mug from the bench and raising it to her lips. “compared to us.” 

 

“Everyone is a child compared to us.”

 

Carmilla raised her glass in toast to his words before taking a sip and the two of them fell into silence. After a moment she continued. “No but really, what did he tell you?”

 

William sat down at the bench again, pulling his mug closer to him. “The case has officially been referred to the FBI. There’s been a task force created. I got a few more files for the recent victims. I’ll get copies for you tomorrow.”

 

Carmilla nodded slowly. “Why has it become an FBI case?”

 

“One of the victims, the latest one, was abducted and the family got a phone call requesting a ransom claiming their son was in Vermont. They called the police and the case was officially taken up by the FBI because of _‘kidnapping across state boarders’_.” 

 

“Is the kid alive?”

 

“We have no reason to believe he is.”

 

They sat in silence, sipping from their mugs, lost in thought. It didn’t add up, Carmilla thought. Twelve kids disappeared and only one attempted contact from the killer. Was it even the same one? Were the linked? Or was this a completely different case? It wasn’t likely, the FBI had reason to believe that these were all connected, otherwise they wouldn’t have taken the case. She would have to look over the files Will had. She needed to sit down and sift through all these files. Find all the links. 

 

She needed _something_ to work with. Anything really. 

 

Groaning, she ran her hands through her hair. This was a lot bigger than she had expected when she had agreed to take the case. She hadn’t expected it to go on this long, or involve this many people. 

 

“We’ll need to interview neighbours and family of these new victims. See what we can dig up. I’ll also call this task-force and see if they want to collab. This is huge, Will. Huge.”

 

“I know.” William sighed. “The media’s going crazy over this. After the cops denying a link between them all for so long, and now the FBI’s involved? They’re having a field day.” He paused, looking at Carmilla for a second before continuing. “That’s probably why Lauren’s been trying to contact you. She’d want help knowing what to say in the newspapers.”

 

Carmilla sighed and glanced at the door, as if expecting the journalist to barge through it. She didn’t, of course, and Carmilla looked back at her brother who was still studying her. It annoyed her, the way he did that. He seemed to simultaneously be look at her and through her, and it made her feel exposed. Naked, almost. She shook her head. 

 

“I’m going to have to call her, aren’t I?”

 

William nodded. 

 

“Shit.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, tell me your thoughts/feelings/what you had for dinner. I like to hear from you :)


	6. 4A: Hold me please, I'm feeling cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Carmilla gets pissed and LaFerry are gross

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE thanks and shoutout to [in_anotherlife](http://archiveofourown.org/users/in_anotherlife/profile) for beta-ing this!

Tenneil Glass had been a healthy young woman. A freshman in high school, she had been an active member of several clubs and one of the only freshm **e** n chosen for the cheerleading team. Her teachers had repeatedly described her as being both an academic and social stand out from her peers and her family said that Tenneil had her heart set on college - somewhere no one else in her family had attended. 

 

Now, fourteen-year-old Tenneil Glass would never go there either. 

 

Her bones lay on LaFontaine’s table, having been found by a couple of hikers in the early hours of the previous morning. The forensic team was unable to determine a cause of death and had sent LaF the remains for their own examination. They didn’t expect to find anything - forensic anthropology was not their area of science as they had discovered in the early 23rd century after a particularly bad experience with an internship. Nevertheless, they sat on the stool next to the table studying Tenneil’s remains in the vain hope of finding something, _anything_ that would point in the direction of the killer. 

 

This case had been dragging on, and it needed to end. 

 

LaF put down the ulnar and sighed removing their gloves and throwing them in the bin before standing and exiting the morgue. It was times like this that they were particularly glad that their office wasn’t far from the cold room that the bodies were examined in, and they only had to walk down one corridor before they reached the safe haven of their office. 

 

The warmth that enveloped them as soon as they stepped foot in the room was comforting, and as they sat down at their desk and pulled up the report from the FBI forensics team, they kicked their shoes off and got comfortable in their chair. 

 

They hadn’t ordered a very expensive orthopaedic chair for nothing, after all. 

 

_“…several post-mortem breaks conclusive with shallow burial site. Evidence of scavenging by rodents. No other damage to remains. Cause of death undetermined.”_

 

That was unhelpful. 

 

The report was short, all things considered, and LaF was inclined to believe that the FBI team that had compiled the report had done a shoddy job of it. However after their own examination of the body, there really wasn’t much to go on, and now as they re-read the report they were resigned to the fact that there really wasn’t much else that they could have done. The body was severely damaged by scavengers, and there was approximately zero evidence of any pre-mortem trauma. Whatever had killed this girl was not showing up in the bones, and while LaF was no expert in criminal psychology, they guessed that that was precisely the reason the killer had buried Tenneil in such a shallow grave. 

 

They had wanted the evidence to be destroyed. 

 

A knock at the door drew LaF from their thoughts and they looked up, a smile finding it’s was onto their face as they were met with the equally bright smile of their wife. Following closely behind was Carmilla, a friendly expression that wasn’t quite the bright smile that Perry exhibited but friendly nonetheless etched on her face. 

 

LaF stood up. 

 

“What are you guys doing here?”

 

Perry laughed and hugged her partner before placing a kiss on their cheek and stepping back. Carmilla gagged behind the pair, causing LaF to laugh and wrap Carmilla up in a hug and placing a kiss on the top of the vampire’s head. This caused Carmilla to push LaF away before she brushed herself off and scowled. 

 

“What have I said about the hugging?”

 

“You should know by now that I don’t play by your rules.” LaF smiled playfully at their friend who rolled her eyes but didn’t respond. She knew from experience that LaF wouldn’t let down and there was no point pursuing the matter. Anyway, Perry would only intervene and then it would be two against one. And when Perry and LaF teamed up there was no way of outwitting the two of them. They were a dangerous pair when on the same side, and they were always on the same side. 

 

The three of them sat down at LaF’s desk and LaF asked again what they were doing here. It was rare for Perry to visit LaF at work. The woman had never taken to LaF’s choice to work in the morgue, not understanding their desire to work surrounded by death all the time. LaF had tried to explain it to her. To explain that they wanted to make a difference. Perry didn’t understand why they couldn’t make a difference somewhere where _“it smells better. Like a flower shop. Or…something nice like that…”_ So it was normally LaF who visited Perry at work, stopping by for lunch or dinner depending on the time they could get away for half an hour. 

 

To say they were surprised at their wife voluntarily visiting them would be an understatement. 

 

“Carmilla said you had a heavy load, so I made you some lunch. You’ve been so busy lately and it feels like I haven’t seen you in weeks so I thought I’d drop it off myself.” Perry placed a paper bag on LaF’s desk and LaF saw a heart drawn on the bag in pink sharpie. Their heart soared. They really, _really_ loved this woman. 

 

“Thanks, love.”

 

Perry smiled across the table and LaF smiled back. They didn’t realise they had been staring at each other for several moments until Carmilla cleared her throat and the two were pulled away from each other to see Carmilla staring at them with a look of mild disgust written on her face. 

 

“Don’t mind me. I just _love_ being the third wheel in this disgusting display of affection.”

 

She rolled her eyes and sat back in the seat, folding her arms across her chest and looking up at the ceiling. LaF sat back down in their own seat and Perry cleared her throat, reaching up to fix their hair as if her and LaF had been doing more than just staring at each other. 

There was an awkward silence for a while; LaF and Perry purposefully avoiding each other’s eyes and Carmilla looking anywhere except at her friends for fear of throwing up from the sight. LaF busied themselves with eating the lunch Perry had brought them while Perry sat incredibly still in her chair. Eventually she stood up, brushing off the invisible specks of dirt from her pants and announcing that she would be leaving. 

 

“Already?”

 

“I have to get back to the cafe, love. I’ll see you tonight. What time will you be home?”

 

LaF frowned, thinking about the pile of paperwork that needed to be done and the still unsolved death that lay on the morgue table. 

 

“I don’t know. Eight maybe? Nine?”

 

Perry nodded and placed a kiss on Lafontaine’s cheek before turning to Carmilla and saying a brisk, “bye”. Carmilla just nodded in response, eyes still focused on LaF’s office ceiling. How this woman could find entertainment in everything amazed both LaF and Perry, and Perry was slightly concerned for Carmilla’s mental and emotional wellbeing. It couldn’t be healthy simply staring at a ceiling for so long, could it? Not to mention Carmilla just sat for hours doing nothing. She had half a mind to take Carmilla to a therapist, but when she had voiced the idea to LaFontaine, the doctor had starkly disapproved of the idea. Still though, Perry frowned at Carmilla and opened her mouth to ask if the vampire was alright but LaF pulled gently on her arm, tugging her out of the room. 

 

 

When LaF reentered the room she found Carmilla sitting at their desk, reading what they assumed was the forensic report from the FBI. A frown was etched onto her face and as she flipped from page to page the frown only depend, lines working themselves into her forehead and she began chewing idly on her lower lip. 

 

“It’s not much use, really,” LaF said, alerting Carmilla to their presence in the room. “I’ve looked over the remains myself and there is very little to go on. The post-mortem damage is all from scavengers.”

 

Carmilla shook her head, dark tresses flicking across her shoulders, falling over her face. She reached up and absentmindedly tucked it behind her ear before finally looking up at Lafontaine, frowning. 

 

“I don’t get it. Why would the killer want to destroy the evidence on this particular victim?” She shook her head again and LaF walked further into the room, sitting down in the chair Perry had been occupying earlier. “This is only the eighth body we’ve found. We have fifteen kids disappearing over a fifteen-month period. We have ten bodies found, most with clear causes of death: strangulation or stabbing. Why is this one different? Why did the killer want to cover up the evidence with this one?”

 

LaF shook their head. “I have no idea. That’s more your area of expertise.”

 

Carmilla closed the report and pushed it away from her, as if by pushing it away she was also removing it from her life. From her mind. She sighed. 

“I don’t get it. It makes no sense.”

 

“Have you spoken to Lauren yet?”

 

Carmilla shook her head. “I’ve been meaning to call her I just…haven’t done that yet.”

 

LaF nodded and stood up, picking up the folder from their desk and looking down at Carmilla. “Maybe you should focus on that.”

 

* * *

 

If there was one thing the FBI was really good at, it was getting on Carmilla’s nerves. 

 

Since they had taken over the case from the local force, they had been doing a really good job of cutting off Carmilla’s sources. God, she hadn’t even _known_ Charlie Porter or Eddie Phillips or Samuel Code until Baby Kirsch had gotten the file to Will. 

 

No. _To William,_ she said to herself. She needed to start respecting his name. 

 

The mess of faces staring up at her from the page began blurring together and Carmilla slapped the folder shut. LaF had sent through the forensic report but so far that had been of zero use. Tenneil Glass had died of unknown circumstances after being kidnapped by an unknown perpetrator and Carmilla was zero steps closer to finding them. 

 

And the FBI was doing jack shit to help. 

 

Rising to her feet, Carmilla pulled out her phone and dialled her brother’s number, waiting for him to answer. When it rang out and went to voicemail, Carmilla groaned and threw her phone onto the couch, resisting the urge to kick something. This really wasn’t her night. 

 

She began to pace. 

 

September 14, Charlie Porter reported missing. 

 

October 9, Samuel Code reported missing. Found the next day, strangled. 

 

October 18, Tenneil Glass’ remains found. Cause of death undeterminable. 

 

_November 2, Carmilla Karnstein get’s no sleep because the FBI shuts her out of the case like the dimwits they are_. 

 

She laughs to herself, realising exactly how pathetic she must look. _3am on a Saturday and I’m pacing my apartment talking to myself, really know how to live it up, don’t I?_

 

The sound of her phone ringing sliced through the silence and Carmilla almost dived to pick it up, reading the caller ID and smiling to herself as she answered it. 

 

“Little Brother.”

 

She could almost see her brother rolling his eyes, but the smile fell from her face as she realised he was in a car and the sound of sirens drowned out his words. She didn’t even need to hear him say the words to know what he was calling about. 

 

They’d found another one. 

 

“Text me the address. I’m on my way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>    
> I'll be taking a 2 week break from this fic because of uni assignments. I'll be back on the 9th of May!!


	7. 4B: Warped

Jimmy Johnson liked to entertain the idea that he was a hot-shot photographer. Sure, working for a small newspaper wasn’t exactly the glamorous life he had envisioned for himself when he set out to study photography, but it paid the bills and _technically_ his photos _were_ seen by largish crowds. It just wasn’t in the huge gallery exhibition he had initially expected.

 

At least the people were nice.

 

He really should be thankful, he thought. He knew he wasn’t the most qualified to take on the position - after all, he did a Fine Arts degree at college and failed English in high school. They had given him the job anyway, simply because he knew his way around a camera. The chick he was paired with wasn’t hard on the eyes, either, which made the whole thing more bearable. And she knew what she was doing, so really all he had to do was take photos of whatever she told him to.

 

It wasn't hard.

 

She was a talker though.

 

The first few months on the job she wouldn’t shut up. At least now she had limited these chin-wagging sessions to the few short minutes they had for lunch each day. She really asked too many questions. Too many _personal_ questions, and while Jimmy could usually deflect them back to her, Lauren had seemed to have acquired a knack for deflecting them right on back.

 

It was like a game of question-tennis and Jimmy was losing.

 

So when he met her at the office and placed her hot chocolate and cinnamon roll on her desk and didn’t receive so much as a glance in return, Jimmy’s internal alarm bells began blaring.

 

He surveyed her, as he took his seat across from her and began logging into the network. She typed away and occasionally jotting in that damned notebook of hers (why she continued to write by hand he would never know). The cinnamon roll sat untouched.

 

When she continued to disregard his presence, Jimmy cleared his throat: once, twice, and a third before picking up the plastic spoon on his desk and throwing it at Lauren.

 

“Oi! Harvey!”

 

Lauren glared at him over her screen, forehead creasing in annoyance.

 

“Yes, Jim?”

 

“Why so quiet, ey?”

 

“Nothing.”Lauren shrugged glancing at the cup perched on the edge of her desk and the cinnamon roll still in the paper bag. She frowned, tilting her head as she glanced inside the bag as if to check that it was, in fact, a cinnamon roll. “You always complain, anyway.”

 

“Hasn’t stopped you before.”Jimmy leant back in his seat and folding one leg over the other and crossing his arms over his chest as he continued to look at Lauren. The woman was doing a damn good job of looking everywhere except at Jimmy. “So what’s up?”

 

“Nothing. I’m fine.”She sat up straighter and finally glanced at Jimmy. Nodding at the network system that had loaded on his screen. “No need to log on. I’m just finishing paper work and since we don’t have any assignments at the moment you can have the day off if you want.”

 

Jimmy cocked an eyebrow but didn’t argue, standing quickly and striding to the door. Pausing in the doorway, he looked over his shoulder. 

 

“Ya know, if you want to see her you should go. Don’t wait around for her to come to you. You’ll just waste your time.”

 

He smiled to himself as he left, leaving Lauren frozen and wide-eyed at her desk.

 

* * *

 

The tenth time Carmilla fell in love with Laura, Laura was a business student named Phoebe D’Cote. They ran into each other completely by chance at LaF’s fourth graduation from med school (this time majoring in Chemistry). Laura - then, Phoebe - had come up to Carmilla and as soon as their eyes met, Carmilla knew. She knew that this one remembered, and LaF had given the two of them the go-ahead to ditch the ceremony.

 

“You’ve been the three of them already,”they had said, “I’ll see you after okay?”

 

Carmilla had nodded and pulled the woman away, heart leaping in her chest as they spent the next two hours getting reacquainted. Seventy-six years of Carmilla’s life went into loving Phoebe D’Cote, but Phoebe did not love Carmilla for nearly as long.

 

That flash of recognition that Carmilla had seen that day at LaF’s graduation died slowly over the years. Parts of Phoebe D’Cote slipped and faded, the toll of Alzheimer's eating away at her until Carmilla looked into those eyes one day and saw nothing at all.

 

Knowing Laura had forgotten her hurt more than Laura not having known her at all.

 

* * *

 

Florida has a surprising amount of parks and nature strips. Thick woodland areas created by the government to ensure that, in this state at least, humanity wouldn’t run out of oxygen. It was a survival mechanism, designed entirely for the human race in a selfish act of self-preservation. It wasn’t for the animals that lived there, the creatures that would live on long after the human race died out, which was why the woodland areas were small and confined to strategic spots throughout the state.

 

The trees were protected by anti-hunting laws. The animals that lived there weren’t.

 

Carmilla was glad the places existed, though. Even if she disagreed for the reasons for their existence. They reminded her of home; back when she was a carefree child whose only worries were whether or not father would discover she had been playing with the boys in the mud again.

 

The woodland was not that happy escape currently.

 

LaFontaine was already there. Of course they were. LaF was as married to their job as they were to Perry. They looked just as at home bending over human remains as they did dancing in their kitchen and stealing bits of salad from Perry’s dinner preparations. It was something Carmilla still did not understand, despite having been friends with LaF for nearly three centuries now, and having worked with them for well over five.

 

“What we got, Doc?”

 

“Who we have is a better question.”LaFontaine didn’t look up from where they were taking samples of what Carmilla could only describe as being bodily fluid of some sort from Eddie Phillip’s remains. It was a sight Carmilla had seen before, but she had always simply referred to the remains as “the victim”. Now, knowing who the person was, who they had been, the sight was so much worse.

 

Eddie Phillips had been in elementary school.

 

“It’s definitely him then?”

 

This time LaF did look up, and the look in their eyes made Carmilla’s stomach do a somersault. She felt ill, but she steeled herself and took a deep breath. She had been a patrol cop for five years and a detective for nine. Not to mention a PI for nearly fifteen years. Not once had she thrown up at a crime scene and she sure as hell wasn’t going to start now.

 

“We have visual ID from the photograph his parents supplied to missing persons. We’ll get a family member to confirm but we’re 99% sure it’s him.”

 

LaF removed their gloves and stood up, walking to the medical kit sitting under a tree and pulling out a photo. They handed it to Carmilla who took it, looking from the smiling photo to the remains lying in the shrubbery. Even with the bruising and post-mortem swelling the features were discernible and Carmilla had no doubt that this was Eddie.

 

“Dammit.”She muttered, handing the photo back to LaF. She was hoping that it wasn’t him. That Eddie was still alive and there was chance that she could find him. It was a thin hope one that she held in vain each time a missing persons report was filed for a child in this neighbourhood.

 

Maybe it was selfish. Maybe it was simply that she didn’t want to look like an idiot if the FBI figured this out before her. She knew that if that happened she’d never get work in this state again. It was more than that, though, and she knew it. She might not be able to admit it, but she knew it. She didn’t like seeing kids dying. She didn’t like finding them, half buried in woodland, killed by some nameless person that she couldn’t seem to track down. She didn’t like it and, more than that, she didn’t like knowing that she didn’t like that.

 

Maybe she was more human than she thought.

 

She didn’t hang around long after she handed the photo back to LaF. She knew LaF would send her the report, and it wasn’t as though she had any obligation to stay. Will would, she knew. He would stay and ask questions, seamlessly fitting in with the Federal Agents that looked incredibly out of place amongst the green plants of nature. He would come around later today and fill her in, bringing her a copy of LaF’s report if it was done and they would sit down with a pot of coffee and go over every detail.

 

That was what was going to happen. Right after she got some sleep.

 

* * *

 

“Hey kid, you okay down there?”

 

Lauren jumped up from where she was sitting on the bottom step outside Carmilla’s apartment building and looked around, confused. A chuckle from above her caused her to look up, squinting at the light from the setting sun, frowning at the man leaning out of his window, waving down at her.

 

“Um, yeah I guess I’m fine.”

 

The man laughed again, throwing his head back as his chest heaved. It was disconcerting, and Lauren took a few steps back, intending on making a run for it. As she turned, the man called again, and despite her brain screaming for her to run, Lauren turned and looked back up at him.

 

“You’re here for the detective, aren’t ya?”

 

Lauren elevated an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side and folding her arms across her chest. She nodded.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“She’s been moping all week. The amount of pizza that’s been delivered here is ridiculous. Hope you’re here to sort that out. Girl deserves more than misery…what with all the work she’s doing for those missin’ kids an’all…”he shook his head and pushed himself off of the railing he had been leaning on. “Never mind though, I’ll buzz you up. Maybe a surprise will do her good.”

 

Lauren smiled appreciatively and climbed the steps. When the door clicked open she called a thanks to the man, receiving a dismissive wave in return, and then entered.

 

* * *

 

She really should have called.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAND WE'RE BACK!


	8. 5A: Minor Thing

Chattenham Central was a quiet neighbourhood. Carmilla had spent a lot of time here in the 27th century. Mind you, the last three-hundred or so years had changed it significantly, however the peaceful vibe that had initially drawn Carmilla to the area back then was still around now.

 

The house that Carmilla had lived in was still there, the blue door that Laura’s 9th reincarnation insisted on painting because _“I’m the 9th life, Carm! It’s about time I had a TARDIS of my own, don't you think?”_ and Carmilla was too damn happy to have Laura back in some form that she didn’t argue. The blue door was gone, though, and instead of sunflowers growing under the window, there was a rosebush that hadn’t been pruned in a significant amount of time. Or so it seemed, anyway.

 

“You don’t have to go in.”

 

Carmilla’s head snapped around and she realised she had been staring. William was looking at her, head tilted and eyes narrowed in a way that Carmilla knew meant he was trying to be _considerate_ or whatever.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“No really. You can stay outside. I don’t mind doing this one by myself.” He chuckled and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “They probably wont have much to say anyway.”

 

Carmilla rolled her eyes and, as if to prove a point, she pushed open the gate and walked briskly up the three stairs to the front door.

 

(The bottom one had been fixed at some point and she tried her hardest to pretend she hadn’t noticed.)

 

* * *

 

Sitting in the room that was once filled with a sense of home, Carmilla felt awkward and out of place. She wasn’t expecting to be let into the house, let alone find herself sitting on an unfamiliar couch in an all too familiar room looking at the small markings on the wall that, for some reason, were still visible after so man years.

 

_“Mama! Look! Mama I’ve grown!”_

_“That you have, my boy! Soon you’re going to be taller than Uncle Kirsch!”_

_“No way! I’m gonna be taller than a giant! I’m gonna be the tallest in my class!”_

_“I bet you are, my boy.”_

She tore her eyes away from the markings and instead refocused on the conversation happening next to her. William’s questioning gaze bore into her and she nodded, sitting up straighter and swallowing, trying her best to ignore the influx of memories swarming through her head.

 

_“Mama?”_

_“Yeah, buddy?”_

_“I had a bad dream?”_

_“What happened?”_

_“I was alone. You weren’t there.”_

_“Buddy, I’ll always be here with you.”_

_“Always?”_

_“And forever.”_

A hand on her shoulder brought her back and she looked up to see William frowning down at her.

 

“Sorry?”

 

“I asked if you needed a drink. You look a bit pale.”

 

Carmilla swallowed and nodded, and the lady in front of her stood and went into the kitchen, returning with a glass of ice water that Carmilla took gratefully.

 

“Sorry,” she said, smiling at the lady, “It’s been a rough day.”

 

“I can understand that, dear. My husband was in the FBI for years and he always came home a little off.” She smiled at Carmilla, “It’s not easy work. Especially when you’re working with all these kids. The families must be hard to deal with.”

 

Carmilla just nodded, and took another sip from her glass.

 

“So Mrs. Johnson was just saying that she had gotten a phone call from her neighbour’s son before he disappeared”

 

Carmilla frowned. “Why did he call you?”

 

“I was looking after his brother. Their parents work full time to support the two of them. Hunter had gone out to play football with some friends. I got a call saying he was worried the killer was after him. I told him to call the police and he said he had but they didn’t do anything. I said I was on my way but….” She shook her head and swallowed before looking back up. Carmilla leant forward.

 

“But what?”

 

“I never heard from him again.”

 

* * *

 

Jade had died early in life. A car accident. It wasn’t her fault but it left Carmilla alone with their son and it broke her a little bit because Jade was as close to her Laura as she could get without actually being Laura. And now she had been taken away and she was left with a blonde haired, brown-eyed little boy that loved Doctor Who and cookies and Carmilla didn’t know how to go on.

 

She’d watch him at Perry’s cafe, following Perry around, babbling away and asking far too many questions. She’d watch Perry effortlessly answer them while still getting her work done. She’d watch LaF play superheroes with him and then switch seamlessly to a tea party with tiaras and tutus and she’d see all this and wonder if it would be better for James to be raised by them.

 

But then, she would watch James skip over to her and wrap her up in his tiny arms and sleepily whisper that he wanted to go home. She would wrap her arms around him and carry him down the block to their apartment. He would tighten his grip on her neck and nuzzle into her, sighing deeply as he fell asleep and when she placed him in his bed he would pull her back, asking quietly for her to stay and she would _know_ that she wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Except, of course, with Laura there.

 

Laura would have loved this.

 

He was seventeen when he finally asked all the questions about his other mother that he had never asked before. Carmilla told him, of course, about the one that gave birth to him. About Jade and the accident that he was too young to remember. But she also told him about the ones that came before her. She told him about Laura, and how all of them were different and yet so similar.

 

He understood, of course he did. He was intelligent and he wrapped Carmilla up in his now bulky arms and he whispered in her ear that he hoped that she found happiness.

 

She tried not to cry but it didn’t work and so she smiled at the young man and said that she was happy.

 

James just shook his head; his blonde curls dancing around his face. “No.” he said, smiling, the dimples in his cheeks all too reminiscent of someone he could never know. “I hope you’re happy. Like you are when you talk about her.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Laura.”

 

/// 

 

It wasn’t supposed to end like this.

 

He was supposed to graduate college. He was supposed to fall in love and live a long, proper life.  He was supposed to do all the things Carmilla couldn’t.

 

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

 

“Carmilla.”

 

“Go away, LaF.”

 

“ _Carmilla._ ”

 

“I _said_ go. Away.”

 

“Carmilla!”

 

Carmilla spun around, arms still wrapped around her son, fangs barred and eyes dark. Lafontaine didn’t even blink.

 

“It’s going to be alright.”

 

“How?!” Carmilla demanded, “How is this supposed to get better? He’s dead. He’s gone and he had so much to do. So much to _experience_. How, in any way, is this going to be _okay?”_

She choked back a sob, looking down at James’ pale voice and pulled him closer, rocking slightly.

 

“Bring him back.”

 

“I can’t…”

 

“LaF! Bring him back just…bring him back.”

 

LaF’s arms wrapped around her and she cried, holding James to her chest she cried.

 

“ _please bring him back.”_

* * *

“You’re going to have to talk to her soon.”

 

William placed a mug of coffee on the table in front of her before taking a seat on the couch opposite. Carmilla stared at it, biting her lower lip and furrowing her forehead. William was right, and she knew that, but it didn’t mean she had to like it, and she certainly wasn’t going to tell him that he was right because his ego was too big already and he didn’t need to boost.

 

“It’s not that easy.” She sighed, picking up the coffee and taking a sip, ignoring the burning of the liquid against her tongue and instead relishing in the warmth that spread through her body. “It’s not an easy concept to explain to someone who has had absolutely no exposure to the subject matter.”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong,” William sat back in the chair and smirked. Carmilla rolled her eyes, motioning for him to continue. “She’s been exposed to you.”

 

“She walked in, stared, and then ran out!”

 

“But she _knows_ you. Sure, it may have freaked her out, but you need to talk to her. She’s probably more understanding that you’re willing to give her credit for.” He raised his eyebrows, “and besides, she’s grown up in this area. If she hasn’t been exposed to _some_ form of supernatural then she’s been living under a rock.”

 

“She has an overprotective father.” Carmilla sighed, “it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if she’s been sheltered from all of….this _.”_ She waved her arms around the cafe as if it explained everything.

 

“You need to at least try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry about the delay in posting! Long story short I went to hospital briefly (i'm okay though) 
> 
> ANYWHO
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	9. 5B: she knows everything

Carmilla hated Valentines Day. There was only a small amount of goddamn love hearts and teddy bears with “I love you” written all over them that she could handle before she felt like she was going to be sick. Of course, she knew there was nothing she could do about it, which is why she was really glad that William called.

 

As morbid as it sounded, she needed some death in her un-life.

 

So she was more than happy to be stepping through the leaves and grass, stepping on twigs and feeling her feet sinking into the damp soil because even the stench of bodily decay didn’t make her want to throw up half as much as the fluffy bears or red hearts or lovers kissing in the streets did.

 

God she was morbid.

 

(She didn’t care though)

 

LaFontaine was bent over the remains, William was off to the side and Baby Kirsch was with him; a surprise to Carmilla because from what William had told him, Baby Kirsch wanted to stay as far away from this as he could.

 

“What we looking at, Doc?”

 

“Dead things.”

 

Carmilla rolled her eyes when LaF looked over their shoulder, a huge smile on their face exhibiting just how proud they were of their own response. Carmilla pulled on her gloves and walked over to the other side of the remains, squatting down and looking at the body that lay out in front of her.

“This here,” Laf pointed to a shard of bone with their pinky finger, “right radius and ulna. It joins up here to the humerus, scapula and here is spinal column.”

 

They looked up at Carmilla who raised an eyebrow.

 

“Yes these are bones of the human body, LaF. Very common when you find, oh I don’t know, _human remains._ ”

 

LaF smiled and pointed at another section of bone. “This is also a radius, ulna and humerus.”

 

“So this person has two arms. Wonderful.”

 

“No.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“This here is also the _right_ radius, ulna and humerus.”

 

Carmilla frowned.

 

“They had two right arms?”

 

LaF shook their head and gently rolled the body towards themselves, and Carmilla’s eyes widened.

 

“There’s two bodies. Buried together on their left sides. Probably to save space. Either way, we’ve got two bodies. Both pubescent. I’d say about fourteen to sixteen years old.”

 

Carmilla rocked back on her heels and stood up, taking off the rubber gloves and throwing them at a random guy with a camera before she walked over to William and Baby Kirsch. William smiled at her, and she nodded in return, turning to face Baby Kirsch.

 

“Hey, Puppy.”

 

“Fangs.”

 

The two laughed and hugged briefly before stepping back, putting what was probably excessive distance between them before Carmilla cleared her throat and turned to her brother. “So two bodies?”

 

William nodded, pulling a pad of paper out of his bag and handing it to Carmilla. “We’re guessing they’re probably Nick Blackmore and Dayne Bowen. Ages fourteen and sixteen respectively, reported missing at the start of January this year.”

 

Carmilla nodded, flipping the pages of the notepad and skimming over the words before handing it back to her brother. Glancing over her shoulder to LaF, who was watching as a team began removing the bodies from the ground, she laughed to herself before turning back to face Baby Kirsch.

“What brings you into the woods. Don’t you have a woman or two to shower in gifts and chocolate?”

 

John Kirsch laughed, throwing his head back as he did so.

 

“No.” He said, shaking his head slightly, “I don’t shower gifts on the ladies. I’m a one-time thing, ya know?”

 

William groaned to himself and Carmilla laughed.

 

“Never change, Kirsch. Never change.”

 

* * *

 

The trio arrive at Perry’s and are ushered into their usual booth at the back of the shop. It’s fairly quiet, most couples clearly having opted to save their social appearances for that night, and Perry didn’t complain about their caffeine intake as much as usual. It made Carmilla think that maybe the woman had finally realised that arguing with them about it did absolutely nothing. Of course, by the time they’ve consumed their fifth pot of coffee, Perry took a minor stand and insisted that they eat something of nutritional value.

 

“But Perry,” William chided with a smirk, “two out of the three of us _are_ consuming food of nutritional value. You did mix out pot with blood, after all.”

 

Perry blushed and turned to Baby Kirsch, who shrugged before admitting he could do with some food. The red head appeared thankful and relaxed slightly, stating she would go and cook him a steak.

 

“Has she always been like this?” Baby Kirsch asked when Perry had disappeared into the kitchen.

 

“Definitely.” William replied, leaning back in his seat. “I remember when we were all in College back at Silas, Perry would insist on cooking us all at least one meal a week for fear that we would waste away.”

 

Carmilla laughed, nodding in agreement.

 

“When she found out Laura only stocked sweets in the dorm fridge she nearly had a heart attack.” She picked up her mug and swirled the contents, smiling into the dark liquid, “Perry made us all go grocery shopping while she educated us on the “ _proper nutritional needs of the average college student_ ”. Of course, it did nothing. So she started organising for our little group to meet in her dorm for weekly dinners.”

 

“They weren’t half bad though,” William mused, “I only went to a few, mind you. But they weren’t bad.”

 

Carmilla shrugged, another smile playing on her lips. “Perry does know how to whip up a decent meal. Never tell her I said that though.”

 

“Sounds like you lot had fun in college,” Baby Kirsch states, the corners of his mouth turning up in that trademark puppy-smile that seemed to have been genetically carried through the generations. “How many of you were there?”

 

“Me, obviously.” Carmilla started, “Laura, the ginger twins, Original Puppy, Xena and Mr. Morbid over here. Although he went and got himself half-killed early on so he doesn’t count.”

 

Baby Kirsch raised an eyebrow but didn’t question any further, and the silence that envelops them is disrupted only when Perry shuffled out of the kitchen, a large plate of food for Kirsch and pitcher of blood for the siblings. She took a seat with them then, and LaF joined them later, mumbling something about explosions and people needing the mind their own business.

 

Nobody even bothered to question why their hair was half charred.

 

* * *

 

Somewhere along the way, someone began to add alcohol to the coffee, and then the coffee disappeared altogether. Carmilla knew was drunk, and she knew she should have stopped because she always seemed to end up doing stupid things she’d had too much. But she didn't stop and nobody tried to stop her either. So she continued, feeling the tingling feeling of alcohol floating through her undead body, and enjoying it entirely too much. It wouldn’t have been much of a problem either, had the door to the shop not swung open, setting off the little bell and causing Carmilla to fall off her seat from the unexpected noise.

 

“Sorry! The light was still on and I thought you guys must still be open. I’ll just…”

 

Lauren turns to leave, but Perry stands up quickly, swaying slightly from the alcohol in her system, shushing the woman standing in the open doorway of the shop.

 

“Nonsense! Come in. Do you want anything to eat? You look cold. Sit down over there next to Carmilla and I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”

 

Perry walked to the kitchen on uncertain feet, and Lauren walked over the booth, looking down at Carmilla who was still on the floor, one hand outstretched towards the table as if she were about to grab hold of it and pull herself up. She smiled coyly at Lauren, who continued to look down at her with a mixture of curiosity and fear written over her face, and instead of saying anything she took Carmilla’s outstretched hand pulled the brunette to her feet.

 

“Hey, L.” Carmilla slurred, bowing awkwardly which caused the journalist to laugh quietly. “Take a seat and join the party!”

 

“Don’t mind if I do.” Lauren replied, and slid herself into the booth, nodding at LaF before glancing at Kirsch, frowning.

 

“Sorry, I don’t think we’ve met?”

Kirsch shook his head.

 

“I daresay we have not yet made acquaintances.”  He reached over and grabbed Lauren’s hand, shaking it a few times. “John Kirsch. But these guys usually just call me Kirsch. Or Puppy. Or meathead. Or Baby Kirsch. It really depends on the mood.”

 

“Mostly Puppy,” Carmilla stated, sliding into the booth and landing herself entirely too close to Lauren. The vampire didn’t seem to mind though, and continued talking despite Lauren trying to push herself as far away from Carmilla as was possible. “Because he does that thing with his face where one could be excused from confusing him with an oversized hound.”

 

LaFontaine burst out laughing, and Lauren chuckled quietly, looking down at the table feeling rather awkward. She felt Carmilla’s leg pressed against her own under the table and the way her heart was beating in her chest was something she was not expecting. Her palms were sweaty, and she wiped them on her jeans, hoping no one was noticing her silent freak out. No one did though, everyone being far too consumed by the jokes being tossed around between them.

 

“Here is your drink, sweetie.”

 

Lauren’s head snapped up and she was met with a steaming mug of hot chocolate being pushed in front of her. She watched as Perry pushed herself in next to LaFontaine and smiled in thanks.

 

“So what brings you to our neck of the woods?” LaFontaine asked, leaning their head on Perry’s shoulder and ignoring the choking sound Kirsch made from the other side of them. Lauren shrugged, twisting the mug of hot chocolate on the plate Perry had brought it out with and avoiding eye contact.

 

“I was hoping I would find Carmilla here. We haven’t spoken in…a while and I was curious about any new, uh, _developments_.”

 

“Yeah because you totally walked in on her sucking blood out of a chick in the hallway and fled the premises immediately.”

 

Lauren blushed and looked fleetingly at Carmilla for a second before lowering her gaze to the hot chocolate in front of her. There were three marshmallows; Perry had clearly picked up on her habit of stealing an extra one, and even in her inebriated state she seemed to be able to make it the way Lauren liked it.

 

“I’m sorry about that.” She mumbled, causing Carmilla to chuckle next to her.

 

“Not like it’s the first time someone walked in on that, Cutie. It was by bad, anyway. I forgot we were out in the open.”

 

Lauren looked at her, wide-eyed and slightly fearful. She was all too aware of the proximity of their bodies and the pace of her heart sped again. She gulped, looking at Carmilla’s pale face and suddenly the image of Carmilla, blood-covered face looking at her over the shoulder of the girl she was drinking from sped through her mind.

 

“Still…”

 

“You afraid, cutie?” The smirk that played at the corners of Carmilla’s mouth was alluring, and Lauren glanced away, looking from Perry to LaF and Kirsch, and William at the end of the table. She was hyperaware of their eyes on her and she quickly swallowed again, shaking her head and mumbling _no_ quietly.

 

Carmilla shrugged, pushing herself out of the booth and turning to face Lauren again, hand outstretched.

 

“So you’d be fine to take a walk with me, then?”

 

* * *

 

They’d been walking for twenty minutes before Carmilla spoke again. Lauren had been following the woman silently, wondering where on earth the detective was taking her, and only a small part of her was fearful for it. The other part was, well, curious. And just slightly turned on by the way Carmilla, even in her drunkenness, seemed to know exactly what she was doing.

 

When Carmilla stopped, she turned and Lauren realised they were in the park across from Carmilla’s apartment.

 

“Do you remember when we first met?”

 

The question took Lauren off-guard. Of all the things she expected Carmilla to say, it wasn’t that.

 

She nodded slowly.

 

“You were trying to get your story. To get your promotion. And you got it, right?”

 

Again, Lauren nodded.

 

“I was a detective for a good fifteen years, and in the police for at least ten. Before that I was a teacher, a college professor, historian, a medical technician, a waitress, a barista, a barkeeper…I’ve done many things.” She looked at Lauren, straight in the eye and Lauren found that she couldn’t look away, no matter how much she wanted to. “I’ve done many things in my life. Lived many lives. I’ve regretted many things, but helping you has not been one of them.”

 

Lauren swallowed, eyes still focused on Carmilla’s and she felt her breath hitch in her throat as Carmilla took a step closer.

 

“Do I scare you?”

 

Lauren shook her head, and Carmilla laughed.

 

“I should. I’ve scared you before.”

 

“What?”

Carmilla ignored the question. “Have you met vampire’s before?”

 

“I don’t think so. Not before you…”

 

Carmilla smirked again.

 

“Come upstairs and you can ask your questions then.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“How old are you?”

 

Carmilla chuckled, shaking her head as she gripped the coffee mug between her hands. After making their way to Carmilla’s apartment, the vampire had made the two of them coffee before they settled into her sofa and Lauren began to ask her questions.

 

“Bit of a cliché question isn’t it?” She shook her head again but sighed upon seeing nothing but seriousness in Lauren’s face. “One thousand, three hundred and thirty-five”

 

Lauren looked at her, frozen with her eyes widened as if she could not quite believe what had just come out of Carmilla’s mouth. To be fair, she couldn’t really; the thought of someone having lived that long was too far fetched for someone who had had a rather sheltered upbringing. Yet, Carmilla sat in front of her, having just admitted to living that long and Lauren couldn’t help but believe her.

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Seriously, L.” Carmilla smirked and sat back, observing the series of emotions that ran over Lauren’s face. It was funny, and Carmilla hadn’t had this sort of conversation for many, _many_ years so she was probably enjoying herself too much. She didn’t care though, and waited patiently for Lauren to gather her thoughts.

 

“Is, uh…” Lauren blushed and ducked her head, “Are um, are you, like…is um everyone else, like Perry and that…”

 

“William is my brother. Not biologically, but we were made by the same vampire and we’ve spent the better part of our undead lives together. Kirsch is human - the descendant of one of our good friend’s, actually.” Carmilla smiled again, “He knows about everything. His family has stayed in touch with everyone. We look out for each other, you could say. Perry and LaF aren’t vampires, but they aren’t exactly mortal.”

 

Lauren looked confused.

 

“We’ve been friends a while though.” Carmilla smiled, genuinely and Lauren briefly noted how gorgeous Carmilla was when she smiled. “A few centuries now. We met in college, or, when _they_ were in college…the first time.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“Vampirism isn’t the only way to immortality, sweetheart.”

 

Lauren frowned, but nodded her head before looking questioningly at Carmilla who shook her head, pursing her lips before she replied to the unasked question.

 

“It’s not my story to tell.”

 

They sat in silence as Lauren let her thoughts settle. It was a lot to take in, but it all made sense, really. In a really fucked up kind of way. The friendship she had seen existed between Perry, LaFontaine and Carmilla was strong. The kind that existed after many, many years of being close to each other. And now that she thought about it, having processed the new information, they must have seen many friends and close-one’s grow old and die as they remained unchanged As though the rest of the picture faded while they only grew brighter.

 

She toyed briefly with the idea of asking Carmilla about her own story. About how she dealt with the constant losses and heartbreak, about how she came to be a vampire in the first place. But as she glanced up at Carmilla and saw the shadow that always seemed to be hanging over her growing darker she thought better. Perhaps this wasn’t the time to question the woman about all tragic backstory, and so she instead posed a different question.

 

“I bet you’ve dated a hell of a lot then!”

 

The surprise was evident as Carmilla was caught off-guard, and she frowned before answering more seriously than Lauren was prepared for.

 

“Not really.”

 

Lauren looked at her, a look of disbelief on her face. “You’re kidding.”

 

“No,” Carmilla shook her head, glancing down at the floor before back up at Lauren. “I have been in love. Once. A long time ago. And no one since then has really lived up to that.”

 

She sighed and smiled sadly at Lauren. “I’ve dated, since then. But it’s never really been the same.”

 

“What was their name?”

 

Carmilla looked straight into Lauren’s eyes when she answered.

 

“Laura.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello yes i'd just like to point out that when i looked at my page count for this fic yesterday i had hit 110 pages what the shit
> 
> let me know what you think


	10. 6A: the less i see the more i know

She had gotten used to the silence from Lauren, it had happened so often. It was funny, actually, considering that the journalist was the one who had asked her to do this and yet the amount of times Carmilla had actually consulted with the woman about the case was minimal. She wasn’t going to push though; if Lauren needed space to do whatever that was her issue.

 

Carmilla worked better on her own anyway.

 

Time was meaningless to her at the moment. She’d locked herself in her apartment after the debacle that was February. Two boys, Nick Blackmore and Dayne Bowen, had been found in the same grave. Then another had disappeared, only to be found a mere two days after Blackmore and Bowen. Shortly after Lewis Scott was found strangled in a park one Sunday morning and that same afternoon another body was found.

 

Kurtis James. Almost a year after he had disappeared his body had been found, but LaFontaine couldn’t for the life of them figure out how he had died.

 

That seemed to be a reoccurring theme with these murders.

 

Now it was March, and Carmilla had had enough. She was pissed and she was lonely and she really just wanted to nail this bastard and move the hell on with her un-dead life. And the fact that the FBI and Police Force combined couldn’t seem to nail the bastard made her even more angry because it was _literally their job and they were failing_. Hell, she wasn’t even getting paid to do this and she was getting further than them.

 

Or so told her the families she was talking to. She really wished she could get them some answers because talking to them every other day and seeing that same, defeated look on their faces when she told them she still wasn’t any closer was starting to kill her.

 

Damn, she was getting soft.

 

So she went to the store and bought a jump pack of coloured thumb tacks and go William to print out a giant map of the city which she blu-tacked to the wall. She then proceeded to lock herself in her apartment and strategically place two markers on the map for each kid that had gone missing.

 

Green for where they were last seen.

Red for where their bodies had been found.

 

And then she sat. She sat and she stared and she wrote down observations but _goddmanit nothing was making sense._

Carmilla had really thought that this would help. That this would somehow force her brain into making the connections but all she had was several small holes in her wall and a page full of information she had already known.

 

It was painful and stressful and she was incredibly angry at herself.

 

She was better than this.

 

* * *

 

Three days into Carmilla’s voluntary self imprisonment, Perry decided that someone should go and find out if Carmilla was at least semi-functional. She convinced LaFontaine to go, and despite the doctor’s best arguments, it was with many eye rolls and promises that _“next time you tell me not to do an experiment in the kitchen, I will do several experiments in the kitchen!!!”_ they strolled up to Carmilla’s apartment and buzzed repeatedly until Carmilla’s very frustrated voice came through the microphone.

 

“Unless you’re the pizza guy, fuck off.”

 

“I’m not the pizza guy, but I can go and get pizza if you would like?”

 

“LaF, I would love you forever.”

 

“You already do.”

 

 ///

 

So it took an extra half-hour before LaFontaine actually made it up to Carmilla’s apartment. But armed with five pizza boxes (because you can never stop with just one), they eventually found themselves sitting on Carmilla’s sofa, watching with amusement as Carmilla inhaled six slices without so much as a glance in LaFontaine’s direction.

 

“It’s like a new wonder of the world,” LaF mused, watching as Carmilla sat looking at the open pizza boxes, hand hovering over one slice before moving to hover over another. There was a crease in her forehead and LaF realised that the vampire was trying to decide which slice to eat. So they did what any good friend would do - they picked up the slice Carmilla was currently hovering over, causing their friend to glare at them before picking up another slice and inhaling it. “you eat so quickly.”

 

“Well I don’t exactly need to breathe.” Carmilla reminded them through a mouthful of pizza. “I do it more out of habit than necessity.”

 

LaF couldn’t help but laugh at that, and raised their slice of pizza in toast to the comment. “Touché.”

 

Carmilla grinned, quirking her eyebrow before her expression turned serious, and she looked at her friend, frowning.

 

“Seriously though, you can tell Perry that I’m fine and she can stop preparing for the worst.”

 

“How’d you know I didn’t come on my own accord? I could have been very concerned for your wellbeing!”

 

Carmilla stared at LaF with a blank expression before pointing to the backpack they had been carrying.

 

“I’ll bet you thirty bucks that in that bag there is a tupperware container containing various items of Perry’s cooking and probably some vitamins as well.”

 

The reddening of LaF’s cheeks was all the confirmation Carmilla needed, and she burst out laughing before poking LaF’s shoulder playfully and nodding in the direction of the map on her wall. “So like I said, you can tell Perry I’m fine. I’m just working.”

 

LaF glanced over their shoulder at the map on Carmilla’s wall before narrowing their eyes at the vampire. Carmilla just stared back, blank-faced, until eventually LaF sighed and nodded towards the map.

 

“Wanna explain that to me?”

 

Glad for the change of subject, Carmilla stood and gave LaF her hand, helping them to their feet before leading them around the sofa and towards the giant map on the wall.

 

It was fairly simple, several A3 sheets of paper taped together, each depicting a different part of the city and fitted together so that it was depicted in it’s entirety. The coloured thumb-tacks stood out against the grayscale colouring of the pages, and as LaF study their placement, they began to piece it all together.

 

“It’s the murders.”

 

Carmilla nodded.

 

“Green is for where they were last reported seen. Red for where their bodies were found.” She ran her hand over the map, fingers dancing along the thumb-tacks. “I’m trying to work out if there are any correlations between them. So far though, I haven't found anything.”

 

She turned to face LaF who was looking at the map with a fierce gaze. They had to hand it to Carmilla, it was a great idea, and to see the case _literally_ mapped out was an eye-opener. Simply reading through the case files and medical reports did nothing to show the sheer size of this. The amount of kids that had gone missing in the last year was astounding, and the amount that had links to this one killer made it all the worse.

 

They didn’t want to think about the amount that _hadn’t_ been linked back.

 

“Have you shown this to Will? It’s right up in his area of expertise, right? Maybe he could find something in it?”

 

Carmilla nodded. “Yeah, he and Puppy are coming over next week with the FBI files. We’re going to camp out until we find something.”

 

“John’s coming?” The surprise was evident in LaFontaine’s voice, and Carmilla smiled coyly.

 

“Yeah. Seems like he’s finally removed the stick from his ass. That, or William has finally stuck his dick up there. Either way he’s relaxed lately and he’s been photocopying the FBI files on the case for me.”

 

“About time.” LaF laughed. “Those two have more sexual tension than fucking Angie and Peggy Carter.”

 

“Nice 21st Century reference, LaF. I applaud you.”

 

Carmilla rolled her eyes when LaFontaine beamed.

 

“I’ve have had a lot of free time on my hands so I’ve been re-watching shows I wish still ran on TV.”

 

“You’re ridiculous.” Carmilla said it playfully and LaF grinned in response.

 

“No but really, I was watching it when Lauren barged into my office and I had to explain what Agent Carter was. That was not fun.”

 

The smile dropped from Carmilla’s face and she took a step back. LaF’s face fell when they realised what they had said, and their eyes widened as they began trying to calm Carmilla down and explain themselves.

 

“No, no, no, no, no! She came to me out of the blue, I swear!”

 

“You talked to Lauren? As in, reincarnated love of my life, Lauren? The one that has been ignoring me for _weeks_ , _Lauren_?”

 

LaF inhaled sharply as the bite behind Carmilla’s words hit them full force. They hadn’t seen Carmilla this worked up in a while and they had forgotten just how inhuman she could look when she tried. With the dark eyes and fangs beginning to protrude, Carmilla looked just as vampirish as she technically was, and LaF would be lying if they said it didn’t scare them a little.

 

“Yes but it wasn’t about you. Not really. Or even this case! She wanted to know about the immortality thing. I promise we didn’t talk about you….directly.”

 

Carmilla surveyed the person in front of her for a few moments while LaF struggled to remain upright and remember to breathe. Eventually, Carmilla relaxed and nodded once, allowing LaFontaine to relax also. They took a deep breath and looked at Carmilla who still appeared a little unnerved.

 

“She came in last week and asked about who Perr and I are immortal. I answered a few and then I got called to the Kurtis James site.” LaF frowned, “thank god because I think she was edging towards Laura-territory and I really didn’t want to discuss that.”

 

“She was asking about Laura?”

 

The question was asked with such a small, hesitant voice LaF almost didn’t believe it came from the same person who, mere moments ago, was so huge and threatening. Carmilla was looking at them, wide-eyed and so _innocent_ and so _broken_ they had to physical hold themselves back from just enveloping the woman in a huge and protecting them from the world.

 

“It felt like she was going to.” LaF shrugged sheepishly, “She was asking about how we met and whether you had ever been married and why you’re so shut-off now. She never actually said the words but I know she was trying to get me to drop Laura’s name.”

 

Carmilla nodded slowly, chewing on her bottom lip. “Okay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Good.”

 

“I promise that was it.”

 

Carmilla nodded again, smile weakly.

 

“So, how’s the morgue these days?”

 

* * *

 

There were many things about Lauren Harvey that intrigued Carmilla, and most of them pertained the way that she resembled Laura.

 

She didn’t like to admit it, but she knew she was starting to fall for the women, and try as she might to remind herself of all the ways in which this was a terrible idea, she always came back to the same conclusion: _all the could see was Laura_.

 

And it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to her and it won’t fair to Lauren. Lauren who was amazing in her own right. Lauren who was stubborn and gorgeous and independent and _so much like Laura._

 

It wasn’t fair.

 

Carmilla really missed Laura.

 

She missed the way Laura made her feel; like she wasn’t a centuries-old monster, floating through time but rather a person. A woman. An individual who loves and hurts like any other individual. Laura made her feel like a person. Laura made her better.

 

Laura made her feel loved and cared for, and despite the time that had elapsed since Laura’s death, Carmilla still felt like she would wake up to Laura leaning over her, smiling like a goofball and leaning down the leave feather-like kisses all over Carmilla’s face. She still felt like, if she turned around, Laura would be skipping after her, giving herself a run up before she launched herself at Carmilla’s back in anticipation for a piggy-back ride.

 

It all felt like a dream, and Carmilla was waiting to wake up.

 

No.

 

Not a dream. A nightmare.

 

This was a nightmare, and she wanted it to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im really sorry about the wait for this, but long story short my computer crashed and i lost everything. had to do a quick rewrite based off of early versions of the chapters that had been sitting (thankfully) in my beta's emails
> 
> also i went down the coast for the weekend 
> 
> let me know what you think!


	11. 6B: Snow, Hey Oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be taking another week off posting for exams (but after that you will have an extra long chapter!!) 
> 
> Also this goes out to Kit for boosting my ego and reading all my fics at once

It was always hard when they didn’t remember.

 

Sure, two times out of eight wasn’t exactly bad, but seeing this person she knows so well and them not having a clue about who she is kills Carmilla inside a little bit more each day.

 

She found Naomi at the pet shop.

 

It was awkward at first, because Carmilla had to remind herself that there as a small possibility that this woman didn’t know anything about her. She played it cool, laughing with her when the puppy licked her face and agreeing that yes, she should definitely buy the dog because _‘it’s clearly taken a liking to you!’_

Naomi though, as they found out later, had an allergy to dogs and Carmilla, being the progressively kind and caring individual that she was slowly becoming, agreed to take in the animal as long as Naomi came over regularly to see it.

 

(both of them knew it was a ploy but neither said anything about it until much later)

 

The irony surrounding Naomi’s death would never cease to amaze Carmilla, though. Having been a herbalist and dietician her entire life. A vegan that demanded that Carmilla only drink the blood from willing humans and never animals. That protested all the new-age shit that made Carmilla roll her eyes _because the human race was going around in circles and 2560 was the 1960’s all over again,_ literally died of liver disease due to an unbalanced diet.

 

Carmilla laughed when the coroner gave her the report.

 

(she would never admit this to anyone other than LaF, but Naomi was her least favourite of Laura’s reincarnations, and she was kind of glad when she died)

 

* * *

 

The map haunted her.

 

She kind of regretted putting it on her wall, because she literally could not walk anywhere in her apartment without seeing it out of the corner of her eye. The colourful pins stood out against her blank wall and even when she wanted to think of anything else, the answers that she was certain were hidden there but were just out of her reach, taunted her.

 

She spent days at a time, sitting on a chair facing the wall, staring at the streets spread out before her. Wondering. Thinking. Waiting.

 

What was she missing? She knew it was there, hidden somewhere between the sprawling streets and coloured pins.

She just needed to work out what it was.

 

She wouldn’t let it escape from her.

 

* * *

 

“You weren’t at the scene today.”

 

William walked into her apartment without knocking, making a beeline for the fridge and pouring himself a glass of blood like he was the one that went and got it from the blood bank. Her brother’s antics never ceased to amaze her, and Carmilla had to forcibly stop herself from rolling her eyes and throwing various hard objects at him. She did need him, after all, as unfortunate as that fact was.

 

“I was otherwise occupied.”

 

It was true, though. Carmilla had vowed to stay inside her apartment until she worked out the links she was missing, and she fully intended on following through. Attending a crime scene she wasn’t exactly welcome at, bar a select few attendees, was not going to assist her on her mission and so she didn’t exactly see why she needed to go. She would get all the reports, she would see the photographs and William would tell her everything she missed. Her attendance wasn’t compulsory.

 

She wasn’t missing anything.

 

William thrust a folder towards her and Carmilla smirked, flicking it open to see the photocopied sheets from what she assumed was the file for today’s find.

 

“Lucas Sawyer, 13.” William recited, taking a seat on Carmilla’s sofa and putting his feet up on her coffee table. “Found by canoeists early this morning. We pulled him from the river and LaF did an examination. They say asphyxiation but will-“

 

“Confirm after the autopsy. Yeah, I know the drill.”

 

Carmilla began flipping through the report. There wasn’t much to go on, but she walked to her map and placed the appropriate pins on their corresponding locations. Placing the file down on the coffee table next to William’s feet, Carmilla stood back and frowned.

 

The map still wasn’t telling her anything.

 

Sighing, she fell backwards onto the sofa next to her brother, and took the cup of blood from his grasp. He let out a small exclamation of protest, but rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

 

“We’re missing something,” he said after a while. “We’re missing something obvious and it’s pissing me the fuck off.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Carmilla sighed, “I’ve been staring at this wall for days on end.”

 

“We need to do something about it.”

 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, but William didn’t let her off.

 

“How about we tag the pins? Number them, in the order they went missing, or the order they were found? Maybe that can tell us something about the pattern.”

 

“It’s worth a shot.”

 

* * *

 

John Kirsch liked to think of himself as a law-abiding citizen of the nation. He followed the rules, was never one to get in trouble. A straight-A student. Valedictorian. Captain of several clubs and the head of his college frat-house. He worked his way to his position. He worked hard, and he earned it.

 

He didn’t want to think about how that could all go down the drain if he were caught doing what he was doing.

 

Sliding through the front doors of the building, John tightened his grip on his satchel and ducked his head. His heart was beating hard in his chest and avoided eye contact with the few people still out and about this late in the evening out of fear of them seeing the guilt in his eyes.

 

Stealing was a crime.

 

Stealing from the FBI was an even bigger crime.

 

(he wasn’t cut out for this)

 

 

The drive to Carmilla’s place was tense to say the least, and the repetitive checking of his rearview mirror didn’t do anything to calm his racing heart. Every car that past made him jump, and every time he stopped at a red light his eyes flickered to the bag on the passenger seat, as if in the time since he had last checked it could have somehow disappeared.

 

He didn’t do well under pressure, it seemed.

 

To say he was glad when he reached Carmilla’s place would be an understatement, and the way he carried the bag huddled to his chest made him feel like he was smuggling something bigger than a few folders of case notes. But the fact that said case notes were the property of the FBI and the fact that he had _stolen_ them made his blood pressure rise again, and he shoved the bag into Carmilla’s arms as soon as she opened the door.

 

“Wow Puppy. Tense?”

 

“I can’t believe you made me do that.”

 

“I didn’t make you do anything, Pups. You did it all on your own.”

John gladly accepted the glass of wine William offered him, and he sat down at Carmilla’s kitchen table.

 

(maybe soon his blood pressure would return to normal)

 

(with the friends he keeps, he doesn’t think it’s likely).

 

* * *

 

“So explain this map to me.”

 

Carmilla smirked at the obviously intoxicated Baby Kirsch, but stood up and walked over to the map.

 

“It’s fairly simple: each red pin indicates where a victim’s body was found, and the green is where that person was last seen. The numbers attached are the order that they were found.”

 

“So the numbers relate to the red pins?” John frowned and stood up, moving to stand in front of the map. He bent down to look closer. “That makes sense.”

 

“We haven’t really found much from it, though.”

 

John nodded, standing up straight and taking a few steps back. He looked deep in thought, but Carmilla wasn’t sure if he was legitimately thinking, or if he was simply trying to hide the fact that he was intoxicated. Either way, she laughed to herself before looking back at the map.

 

“What exactly are we looking for?”

 

William spoke from the sofa, a warm mug of blood in his hand and his feet propped up, once again, on Carmilla’s coffee table. His head was lain back and he was staring at the ceiling. _Lazy Ass_. Carmilla thought to herself.

 

“Anything really. Connections, patterns. Literally anything that can help us get ahead of this killer.”

 

“Right then.” John rubbed his hands together and moved towards the kitchen. He rummaged through the cupboards and drawers until he found Carmilla’s stash of alcohol and carried two bottles back to the siblings. “We’ve got a long night ahead of us, then.”

 

 

It was nearly 4am when Carmilla abruptly stood up.

 

She didn’t speak, instead she silently walked towards the map, frowning and tilting her head to the left. Stopping in front of it, she placed her hand at the bottom left corner and ghosted it upwards.

 

“They move to the North-East.”

 

“What?”

 

Carmilla turned to face her brother.

 

“The murders, they’re moving to the North-East.”

 

William frowned and stood up, tilting his head as she furrowed his brow and tried to work out what Carmilla had seen.

 

“I don’t get it.”

 

“Here.” Carmilla pulled him over and positioned him in front of the map. Taking his hand she ghosted it over the pins. “Focus on the green ones and ignore the others. Look at how they start here? Then they cluster before spreading again. There’s another cluster up further north.”

 

William nodded, stepping back and running his hand over his chin.

 

“He’s moving North.” He stated, and then his eyes widened. “But look. The red pins are where they’re last seen, right?”

 

“Yeah. But I don’t think there’s really a pattern there. There’s no cluster to work from.”

 

“But there is, it’s just spread out.”

 

“That literally makes no sense. How much have you had to drink?”

 

William ignored her, and traced his hand over the green pins. “Look, they travel along here, turn here and continue up.”

 

“Holy shit.” Carmilla turned to see John standing behind them, eyes wide as they followed William’s hand movements. “I get it!”

 

“Can you two please tell me what the frilly hell is going on?”

 

William grabbed Carmilla’s hand and traced it along the path he had been following moments ago. “They’re all in the same area. Look. All the kids go missing from streets that diverge off Somerset Drive. See? Even the ones up north of the river come off of State Street, which is really just the continuation of Somerset Drive. ”

 

“Oh my god.”

 

“And look,” John reached over Carmilla’s shoulder and followed his finger up State Street, “they’re still moving North-East. It’s not just his dumping ground, he’s actually moved his game up North completely.”

 

* * *

 

Carmilla actually really enjoyed dinner at LaF and Perry’s, not that she would ever tell the terrible twosome that.

It was relaxing, compared to her normal day-to-day life, and it was familiar. Much of it centred around reminiscing about the “good-old-days” when they attended Silas. They would sit around drinking coffee and talking about their friends and family, doing everything they could to keep the memories alive because their communal fear was forgetting those that meant to most to them.

 

Today was different, though. Something was different and Carmilla couldn’t quite put her finger on it. So she sat at the table as Perry walked around, placing dishes and cutlery on the table, and she watched the ginger twins suspiciously, trying to figure out what had changed since the last time she had been in their combined presence.

 

“I hope you’re hungry tonight, Carmilla.” Perry smiled across the table as she placed the last dish down. “Because there was quite a bit leftover from the cafe today so I brought it home. We have quite the feast.”

 

She sat down next to LaFontaine and sighed contentedly, looking between Carmilla and LaF before nodding but not moving to start serving herself.

 

Carmilla continued to eye them both skeptically, twirling her glass between her fingers. When Perry looked over at LaF and asked, _“what?”_ in the high-pitched voice she uses when she’s trying to hide something she’s not entirely comfortable hiding, Carmilla slammed the glass down and demanded they tell her what it was they were hiding.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Cut the bullshit.” Carmilla narrowed her eyes, “I’ve known you two for _literally_ one-thousand years. If you don’t think I can sense your bullshit, you’re more deluded than I had imagined.”

 

The two had the decency to blush, and Perry cleared her throat uncomfortably.

 

“Now. Tell me what you’re hiding from me.”

 

LaF sighed and looked down at their plate.

 

“Lauren came by again today.”

 

Carmilla raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, motioning with her hands for the doctor to continue.

 

“She asked some…questions.”

 

“Like….?”

 

“Like about, uh…” They shook their head. “About you, and your past. I think she’s done some real digging, Carm, and I just don't know how far she’s gone. What she’s found out.”

 

Carmilla nodded, picking up her glass again and swirling the contents. She shouldn’t really be surprised, because Lauren was a journalist after all. It was her job to get the story, and all the gritty details associated with it. That was one of the many traits that seemed to have carried from Laura to Lauren; both women were exceptionally good at getting to the gory details.

 

The gory details about _her_.

 

She finished off the remaining blood in the glass and nodded slowly.

 

“Okay then.”

 

Perry and LaFontaine exchanged a glance between themselves, and then both looked back at Carmilla with matching expressions of confusion.

 

“Can you pass the potatoes, please?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The neighbourhood surrounding Carmilla’s apartment was exceptionally quiet, and Carmilla took it as a chance to procrastinate going home.

 

Friday nights were usually associated with drunk college kids singing in the park, but lately she had noticed that most people avoided the area after 6pm, and she certainly wasn’t complaining. The park was empty, and Carmilla strolled through it without having to wonder how many of her well-meaning neighbours she would have to avoid conversations with or how many drunk students would try and hit on her.

 

It was a relaxing change.

 

She sat down on the grass and leant back on her hands, thanking whoever was listening for the clear sky that night. She didn’t get to do this often anymore; just sit and look at the stars. If she were asked why she would say that she missed the relaxing feeling it gave her, but really she just missed being alone.

 

It was sad to think that more often than not she would rather be alone than with someone who wasn’t Laura.

 

She felt the presence of another person before she saw them, and she senses who it was before she looked at them. The feeling of dread that came associated with the knowledge made her think twice before she acknowledged their presence, but when she did she was once again swept up in the hopeless feeling of attachment she had really thought had subsided.

 

“L”

 

The journalist pulled Carmilla up by her collar.

 

“We need to talk.” 


	12. 7: Leave something behind (Strip My Mind)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably my favourite chapter so far

She thinks that maybe buying an alarm clock was the worst thing she had ever done.

 

It buzzed repeatedly, waking Lauren from her slumber and not ceasing until she had gotten out of bed and physically turned it off. She never did figure out where that habit had originated, and despite the conversation that she had with herself every morning, she never moved it from it’s place on her bookshelf and so every morning she woke up and had to drag herself out of bed to shut it up.

 

The last of winters chill was finally leaving the early morning air, and Lauren was glad for the lack of freezing snow and wet mornings. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the cold, per say, but rather she enjoyed waking up and not having to question whether or not her feet were going to freeze off as she made a run across tiled floors towards the bathroom.

 

(she also thinks every morning that she should probably invest in carpet, but the paperwork involved is too high and she’s the worst procrastinator in existence, probably)

 

* * *

 

The regular updates she gets from the FBI help her to stay on top of the case. That was one of the  benefits of having been publishing the case progress since it’s beginnings. It was good for her career, too, to have made these connection with the law enforcement. And while crime reporting wasn’t what she had in mind when she decided to study journalism, she can admit that it certainly wasn’t a boring career choice.

 

It also meant she didn’t have to talk to Carmilla, if she didn’t want to.

 

That was more of a selfish benefit, though, and she new it. She didn’t care. Not really. Carmilla had lied to her, or at least withheld information. Surely Lauren had a right to know these things about the person she had been working closely with for the better part of a year? She could admit that she wasn’t that well versed on the supernatural; her father’s protective streak mean that she was homeschooled and so she barely had contact with fellow humans, let alone the supernatural creatures that roamed the country.

 

She knew they existed, she just never really expected to meet any.

 

It made sense though, she guessed. From what she saw, Carmilla was probably a vampire. The way she was chowing down on that chick’s neck supported that theory, anyway. That would explain why Carmilla looked so young and yet had so much experience. Why she was so well off despite not working for money all that often.

 

It made sense, and it wasn’t that big of a deal so…why was she so putt-off by it?

 

(she knew the answer, she just didn’t want to admit it)

 

* * *

 

Following the case merely on paper was difficult.

She got the files emailed to her, in nice, high-definition PDF form that allowed her to read all the handwritten additions that the investigative team put together. It was thorough, sort of, but it was tedious and more often than not Lauren would end up skimming the pages wondering why it all seemed to bland.

 

Then she would remember that the first few documents she read were written in Carmilla’s cursive print and filled with diagrammatic information and personal observations that made Lauren feel as though Carmilla legitimately _cared_ about the outcome. And it made all the difference, because now that it was so one-dimension and forced, Lauren found herself missing the broody detective that she had roped into this investigation and then tossed away.

 

That fact hit her hard; partly because it was true, and partly because she knew that if it weren’t for Carmilla having helped her on that first day, she wouldn’t even have the position that she did.

 

* * *

 

Jim was the one that pulled her out of her funk with a reality check that only he could provide.

 

“Get your head out of your ass, Harvey,” he had said, swinging around on his chair and avoiding work like always. “you’ll never see anything clearly with your head rammed up your ass.”

 

“Eloquent as always, Jim,” Lauren replied, “and I see you’re doing about as much work as you should be, considering our current workload?”

 

Jim smiled, his eyes twinkling as he stopped his swinging and focused solely on her. He waved a hand dismissively, “it’s nearly 6pm and thus nearly time for me to leave.”

 

She looked at the clock on her computer monitor, eyebrows shooting up when she saw that it was, indeed, almost 6pm. Sighing, she surveyed the amount of work she had yet to complete. The double grave and the missing boy who called the police only to be dismissed had really caused her workload to double. It would be a late night, she figured. All the notes were written, she just needed to actually type them up into the article.

 

Why did she insist on handwriting things?

 

“I’ll tell you what,” Jim started, looking down at the pile of pages that Lauren was pulling together. “I’ll stay by late and finish that article for you, so tomorrow all you need to do is proofread it and send it to the editor.”

 

“You’d do that?”

 

Jim held up a finger, “but you have to do something for me.”

 

Lauren rolled her eyes. _Of course there was a catch_. “And what’s that.”

 

“Go talk to that detective chick you’ve been pining over.”

 

* * *

 

She didn’t even know where she’d find Carmilla at this time of night.

 

Carmilla wasn’t at her apartment, or at least she wasn’t answering the buzzer, and she wasn’t in the park across from her apartment. It was too late for Lola’s Cafe to be open so Lauren was stuck as to where she should look for the vampiric detective, and it struck her how little she actually knew about her.

 

Where was she from? What was she like, outside of work? What did she do for fun? Who were her friends? Did she have a boyfriend? Girlfriend?

 

Lauren really didn’t know much about this person.

 

Not that Carmilla new much about her, either.

 

* * *

 

Walking past Lola’s Cafe was an accident, she just happened to find herself there.

 

The light was on, though, and so she decided to take her chances and see if the door was unlocked. When she saw the group of people turn to look at her, and the stench of alcohol infiltrated her senses, Lauren realised she had interrupted a private gathering.

 

“Sorry! The light was still on and I thought you guys must still be open. I’ll just…”

 

She turned to leave, but Lola stood up quickly, swaying slightly, Lauren found herself being shushed and pointed towards the gathering. “Nonsense! Come in. Do you want anything to eat? You look cold. Sit down over there next to Carmilla and I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”

 

Lola walked to the kitchen on uncertain feet, and Lauren walked uncertainly over the booth, looking down at Carmilla who was on the floor, one hand outstretched towards the table. She smiled coyly at Lauren, and Laurne couldn’t help but stare back. She was intrigued, and it was only after she realised that she was staring that she reached out and grasped Carmilla’s hand, helping to pull the woman back to her feet.

 

“Hey, L.” Carmilla slurred, bowing which caused Lairen to laugh despite her intention to not let the woman get the better of her. “Take a seat and join the party!”

 

“Don’t mind if I do.” Lauren replied. She was trying to get a hold of herself, and it wasn’t working but she wasn't abou tot admit that to the group (and by extension, Carmilla). So she slid into the booth, smiling in greeting at the other members of the table, but frowning as she made eye contact with the man in a suit.

 

“Sorry, I don’t think we’ve met?”

 

He shook his head.

 

“I daresay we have not yet made acquaintances.”  He reached over and grabbed Lauren’s hand, shaking it a few times. “John Kirsch. But these guys usually just call me Kirsch. Or Puppy. Or meathead. Or Baby Kirsch. It really depends on the mood.”

 

“Mostly Puppy,” Carmilla stated, sliding into the booth and landing herself entirely too close to Lauren who sucked in a breath and tried to push herself as far away from Carmilla as possible. The vampire didn’t seem to notice, though. “Because he does that thing with his face where one could be excused from confusing him with an oversized hound.”

 

LaFontaine burst out laughing, and Lauren chuckled quietly, looking down at the table feeling rather awkward. She felt Carmilla’s leg pressed against her own under the table and the way her heart was beating in her chest was something she was not expecting. Her palms were sweaty, and she wiped them on her jeans, hoping no one was noticing her silent freak out. No one did though, everyone being far too consumed by the jokes being tossed around between them.

 

“Here is your drink, sweetie.”

 

She was dragged out of her thoughts when a steaming mug of hot chocolate was pushed in front of her and she watched as Lola pushed herself in next to LaFontaine. She smiled in thanks.

 

“So what brings you to our neck of the woods?” LaFontaine asked, leaning their head on Perry’s shoulder and ignoring the choking sound Kirsch made from the other side of them. Lauren shrugged, twisting the mug of hot chocolate on the plate Perry had brought it out with and avoiding eye contact.

 

“I was hoping I would find Carmilla here. We haven’t spoken in…a while and I was curious about any new, uh, _developments_.”

 

“Yeah because you totally walked in on her sucking blood out of a chick in the hallway and fled the premises immediately.”

 

Apparently LaFontaine was very honest when intoxicated. But Lauren couldn’t protest because _it was true. S_ o she blushed blushed, swallowing hard and looking fleetingly at Carmilla before lowering her gaze to the hot chocolate in front of her. There were three marshmallows; Lola had clearly picked up on her habit of stealing an extra one, and even in her inebriated state she seemed to be able to make it the way Lauren liked it.

 

“I’m sorry about that.” She mumbled, causing Carmilla to chuckle next to her.

 

“Not like it’s the first time someone walked in on that, Cutie. It was by bad, anyway. I forgot we were out in the open.”

 

Lauren looked at her, wide-eyed and slightly fearful. She was all too aware of the proximity of their bodies and the pace of her heart sped again. She gulped, looking at Carmilla’s pale face and suddenly the image of Carmilla, blood-covered face looking at her over the shoulder of the girl she was drinking from sped through her mind.

 

“Still…”

 

“You afraid, cutie?” The smirk that played at the corners of Carmilla’s mouth was alluring, and Lauren glanced away, looking from Perry to LaF and Kirsch, and William at the end of the table. She was hyperaware of their eyes on her and she quickly swallowed again, shaking her head and mumbling _no_ quietly.

 

Carmilla shrugged, pushing herself out of the booth and turning to face Lauren again, hand outstretched.

 

“So you’d be fine to take a walk with me, then?”

 

* * *

 

They’d been walking for twenty minutes before Carmilla spoke again. Lauren had been following the woman silently, wondering where on earth the detective was taking her, and only a small part of her was fearful for it. The other part was, well, curious. And just slightly turned on by the way Carmilla, even in her drunkenness, seemed to know exactly what she was doing.

 

When Carmilla stopped, she turned and Lauren realised they were in the park across from Carmilla’s apartment.

 

“Do you remember when we first met?”

 

The question took Lauren off-guard. Of all the things she expected Carmilla to say, it wasn’t that.

 

She nodded slowly.

 

“You were trying to get your story. To get your promotion. And you got it, right?”

 

Again, Lauren nodded.

 

“I was a detective for a good fifteen years, and in the police for at least ten. Before that I was a teacher, a college professor, historian, a medical technician, a waitress, a barista, a barkeeper…I’ve done many things.” She looked at Lauren, straight in the eye and Lauren found that she couldn’t look away, no matter how much she wanted to. “I’ve done many things in my life. Lived many lives. I’ve regretted many things, but helping you has not been one of them.”

 

Lauren swallowed, eyes still focused on Carmilla’s and she felt her breath hitch in her throat as Carmilla took a step closer.

 

“Do I scare you?”

 

Lauren shook her head, and Carmilla laughed.

 

“I should. I’ve scared you before.”

 

“What?”

 

Carmilla ignored the question. “Have you met vampire’s before?”

 

“I don’t think so. Not before you…”

 

Carmilla smirked again.

 

“Come upstairs and you can ask your questions then.”

 

* * *

 

“How old are you?”

 

Carmilla chuckled, and Lauren blushed because it really wasn’t the best question she could have come up with, but she really was interested.

 

“Bit of a cliche question isn’t it?” She sighed, but Lauren didn’t say anything else and so eventually Carmilla answered. “One thousand, three hundred and thirty-five”

 

She didn’t know why she was so surprised, Carmilla was a vampire after all, but she realised that Carmilla had seen a time that Lauren could only imagine. She had experienced so much and it suddenly hit her that the people Carmilla had grown up with - her friends and family - were all dead.

 

Carmilla was, quite literally, from another time. And that thought scared her.

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Seriously, L.” Carmilla smirked and sat back, clearly waiting for Lauren to ask something else.

 

Another thought struck her, and she wondered whether there was some kind of etiquette when questioning someone’s humanity.  “Is, uh…” she blushed and ducked her head, “Are um, are you, like…is um everyone else, like Perry and that…”

 

“William is my brother. Not biologically, but we were made by the same vampire and we’ve spent the better part of our undead lives together. Kirsch is human - the descendant of one of our good friend’s, actually.” Carmilla smiled again, “He knows about everything. His family has stayed in touch with everyone. We look out for each other, you could say. Perry and LaF aren’t vampires, but they aren’t exactly mortal.”

 

Lauren didn’t buy it.

 

“We’ve been friends a while though.” Carmilla smiled, genuinely and Lauren briefly noted how gorgeous Carmilla was when she smiled. “A few centuries now. We met in college, or, when _they_ were in college…the first time.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“Vampirism isn’t the only way to immortality, sweetheart.”

 

Lauren frowned, but nodded her head before looking questioningly at Carmilla, silently trying to convey the question she didn’t know how to ask. Carmilla shook her head, pursing her lips before replying.

 

“It’s not my story to tell.”

 

They sat in silence as Lauren let her thoughts settle. It was a lot to take in, but it all made sense, really. The friendship she had seen existed between Perry, LaFontaine and Carmilla was strong. The kind that existed after many, many years of being close to each other. And now that she thought about it, having processed the new information, they must have seen many friends and close-one’s grow old and die as they remained unchanged As though the rest of the picture faded while they only grew brighter.

 

She toyed briefly with the idea of asking Carmilla about her own story. About how she dealt with the constant losses and heartbreak, about how she came to be a vampire in the first place. But as she glanced up at Carmilla and saw the shadow that always seemed to be hanging over her growing darker she thought better. Perhaps this wasn’t the time to question the woman about all tragic backstory, and so she instead posed a different question.

 

“I bet you’ve dated a hell of a lot then!”

 

The surprise was evident as Carmilla was caught off-guard, and she frowned before answering more seriously than Lauren was prepared for.

 

“Not really.”

 

Lauren looked at her, a look of disbelief on her face. “You’re kidding.”

 

“No,” Carmilla shook her head, glancing down at the floor before back up at Lauren. “I have been in love. Once. A long time ago. And no one since then has really lived up to that.”

 

She sighed and smiled sadly at Lauren, whose heart broke at the sight. “I’ve dated, since then. But it’s never really been the same.”

 

“What was their name?”

 

Carmilla looked straight into Lauren’s eyes when she answered.

 

“Laura.”

 

* * *

 

She went to the medical examiners office because she wanted to discuss the case.

 

That’s what she told herself, anyway, to make herself feel better for storming into LaF’s office. Lewis Scott was found strangled in a park on Sunday morning and that same afternoon another body was found. Kurtis James. Almost a year after he had disappeared his body had been found, and  she was yet to receive a report about how he had died.

 

So she went to the medical examiners office to talk to the medical examiner themselves.

 

It didn’t exactly go as planned.

 

* * *

 

“So…Carmilla’s a vampire.”

 

LaF smirks and Lauren realises exactly how juvenile that sounded. She blushed, and tried to backtrack, but LaF held up a hand and Lauren sunk further into her seat, trying desperately to disappear because _embarrassment_.

 

“Yes she is.”

 

“Right,” Lauren nodded to herself, “and you are…?”

 

“Human. Mostly.”

 

It was said so off-handedly that Lauren almost took it as the final answer, but then she realised that LaF hadn’t exactly given her any answers and she frowned.

 

“Mostly?”

 

LaF looked Lauren directly in the eye and said as flatly and bluntly as was humanly possible. “I’m a scientist. I do experiments. Sometimes I fuck up and little enzymes in my body alter and ageing isn’t a thing that happens to me anymore.” They paused and cocked their head to the side before adding almost offhandedly, “I’m just lucky that I was able to recreate it for Perry. I can’t imagine having lived this long without her.”

 

“Enzymes?”

 

“Specifically, a little enzyme called telomerase. Really, Lauren, science is a magical thing and it’s come a long way since 2026. So if you decided you want to live until the squid evolve to start swinging from trees, wait until the scientists of today figure out that the key to our ageing is telomerase.”

 

Lauren nodded as if it made perfect sense to her, deciding against asking why squid would swing from trees and instead moving to a different line of questioning.

 

“So…Kirsch?”

 

“Human. The descendant of our other friends and knows all about the supernatural stuff. Perry and I pretty much raised that family ourselves.”

 

“So it’s just Carmilla and Will that are vampires?”

 

“Just them. But they wont hurt you. Believe it or not, they’re actually very cuddly.”

 

* * *

 

She spent a lot of time moping after that, and Jim called her the “new broody”. She didn’t deny it, because she was brooding, but she’d just discovered that a bunch of people she knew are actually immortal beings from a thousand years ago and she should have a right to brood about it. For a while, at least anyway.

 

So she throws herself into the case, and when the FBI sends through the new notes about the body they’d pulled from the river she gets right into it; studying the file and linking it back to the other victims and wondering how the task force hasn’t come up with a list of possible perpetrators.

 

It was ridiculous, after all, the lack of progress being made, and she looked over the picture of the latest victim, a 13 year old boy with cropped, black hair and a smile that personified sunshine, she decided she was going to do something about it.

 

“Jim can you send me that photo you took today? From the river?”

 

“Which one?”

 

“The one with all the FBI agents.”

 

“Sure thing, Harvey.”

 

It had been going on for a year, and Lauren was about call out the people responsible.

 

* * *

 

There are some things on the internet that maybe Lauren shouldn’t have seen, but in her defence, it was on a public platform.

 

Curiosity led her there. She was doing a simple background check on some of the FBI agents involved when she saw William’s name. So she followed it, and one thing led to another and when she saw Carmilla’s name pop up under a blurry picture she couldn’t help but click on it.

 

She really wished she hadn’t.

 

Carmilla, it turns out, had dated in the past. Dated someone who looked creepily like Lauren. Dated someone who worked with disadvantaged children in the community and won awards for it.

 

_“Chloe Samuels receives award for excellence in social work. Pictured with her long-time girlfriend, Carmilla.”_

 

Well, at least that explains why Carmilla has so much interest in the case.

 

Lauren followed the trail, though, further than she probably should have, and suddenly she finds that Carmilla isn’t actually all that hidden from the world. She’s all over the internet, receiving awards and attending events. Sometimes with a woman on her arm, sometimes not.

 

_“I have been in love. Once. A long time ago. And no one since then has really lived up to that.”_

It isn’t hard to put the pieces together.

 

_“I’ve dated, since then. But it’s never really been the same.”_

 

The final piece falls into place when she finds a very old webvideo on an old blog. She tentatively clicks play and watches for almost two hours straight.

 

_“hello gentle viewers…”_

* * *

It isn’t hard to find Perry and LaFontaine’s address. Not when you know the right places to look. So they really shouldn’t have been so surprised when Lauren turns up on their doorstep, armed with questions and refusing to leave until they’re all answered.

 

Perry stutters through responses. LaFontaine shuts down.

 

They don’t give her verbal answers but Lauren knows all that she needs.

 

She knows they know about it all now, and that’s all that really matters.

 

* * *

 

“L”

 

She pulled Carmilla up by her collar.

 

“We need to talk.”

 


	13. 8A: the middle of the end is near

There was a time, many years ago, that Carmilla would have been fine with being alone. Now though, after so many years of not being alone, the idea of having no one she could trust felt almost _wrong._ It was a strange sensation, and it made her realise exactly how much she had changed since Maman. How much she had changed since she was the scared, eighteen-year old child on her family’s estate in 1698.

 

How long ago that seemed now. She could barley conjure up an image of her family’s faces; she could picture her father’s nose and her mother’s eyes. Sometimes if she concentrated she could hear her father’s gruff laugh as he swung her around in the gardens surrounding their home, or her mother’s soft voice, singing her to sleep. There wasn’t much else, though, and it hurt her a little to know exactly how distant it all was now, and it made her all the more sure that she should _never_ forget any small detail about Laura.

 

She wasn’t going to lose her, too.

 

The pictures lay on the floor surrounding her; a visual timeline of her years with Laura. The gradual greying of her love’s hair and the wrinkling of her skin much more prominent in the visual display of their lives. It was an all too obvious reminder of Laura’s humanity, her mortality; something that Carmilla had been lacking for many centuries even back then. It made the last decade or so of Laura’s life much more difficult, with many assuming that Carmilla was a daughter or grandchild, and it stung. What else were they to say, though? It wasn’t a time that the supernatural was greatly accepted, and Carmilla could admit that on more than one occasion she had wished that Laura had been born into a later century so that the two of them might have escaped those painful few years.

 

It was a silly thought, and it was selfish. She knew that, and she chastised herself for having it, but a part of her still _wished_ because maybe then Laura would have let her prevent all the heartache that followed. For the both of them. She knew deep down that Laura never would have let her do that, and she couldn’t blame her, but the selfish part of her liked to hang onto the feeling that if their circumstances were different then maybe Laura would have humoured the idea. Even if only slightly.

 

Although Carmilla knew was luckier than most. She had LaFontaine and Perry to keep her company through her immortality. And even if the Ginger Twins were ridiculously stupid to have gotten themselves mixed in with the immortal world, she still appreciated them sticking by her. After Laura’s death, they had every reason to ditch her; she wasn’t exactly their best of friend back then. But for some reason, they did stay, and they grew close and now, Carmilla really couldn’t picture her un-life without them.

 

 _God_ , she had changed.

 

Sighing, she picked up the last photo in her box and held it tenderly, almost afraid that she would break it somehow. Her smiling face, still unchanged stared back at her, her arm wrapped around Laura’s shoulders as they walked through the streets of New York together. It was snowing, then, and Laura was staring at the sky as if it were the most magical thing that could ever happen.

 

“That was not long after graduation, right?”

 

Carmilla’s head whipped around and saw LaF leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed over their chest as they looked at the photo in Carmilla’s hand.

 

“I think I remember that day. Was it New Years? Or Christmas? It was one of the two, because Perry was popping a blood vessel over the amount of people in the city and us getting separated.”

 

Carmilla laughed, “It was New Years. Laura wanted to go see the Ball drop. We never got there though, because it snowed to much the streets got cut off and we were stranded in Manhattan.”

 

“Oh right!” LaF nodded quickly, “Yeah I remember. That was when we found that little diner that Perry oh-so-unceremoniously “modeled” her coffee house off!”

 

“That’s the one.”

 

LaF grinned and Carmilla looked again at the photo. It had been a good year. Quiet, in comparison to their other ones, and none of them were too saddened at having missed the ball drop. They went back a few years later, anyway, and found it to be rather anti-climatic in comparison with their other more outlandish New Year celebrations.

 

She began packing away the photos, carefully placing them back in the box before pushing it under her bed and standing up. LaF still hadn’t moved from the doorway, and Carmilla rolled her eyes at the knowing look that was shot her way.

 

“Why are you here?”

 

“I think you know why.”

 

“Yes, but I’d still like for you to share with me what you know so I can choose which bits to relive.”

 

LaF smirked as Carmilla pushed past them, making her way to the kitchen. They both knew Carmilla would end up telling LaF everything, but the latter didn’t mind waiting until Carmilla got the sarcasm out of her system. It always went like this, anyway.

 

“Lauren came to see you.”

 

“More like, harass me in my own apartment,” Carmilla snorted. She began making coffee and automatically pulled out two mugs. Pushing one towards LaF who grabbed it and walked around the counter to get the sugar out of the cupboard. “But yes, she did come and see me.”

 

“And?”

 

Carmilla sighed. “It wasn’t what I was expecting.”

 

LaF seemed surprised at this, and paused from their rummaging around Carmilla’s cupboards to turn and raise an eyebrow at the vampire. “No?”

 

“No.” Carmilla shook her head. “It wasn’t about me or Laura, or even you and Perry. She wanted to know why the case had been going so slowly.”

 

She picked up the coffee pot and poured some into her mug, gesturing for LaF to bring over theirs so she could fill it too.

 

“Like I said, it wasn’t what I expected.”

 

“Not what I expected, either. After all that questioning she did of Perry and I, I honestly thought she’d come over here interrogating you about Laura and…the rest of them.”

 

The two moved to the sofa, sitting down and placing their mugs on the coffee table. The map was still hanging on the wall across from where they sat and LaF studied it, noting the new pins placed somewhat randomly across the page.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“I said it was going as quickly as possible. That I had a few new leads that I was following, but that was as good as I could do considering that the feds have locked me out of the system.”

 

LaF nodded slowly.  “You okay?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

LaF didn’t miss the hesitation behind the word, but didn’t push it any further. And to be completely honest, Carmilla was grateful.

 

* * *

 

Lauren came over more often, now.

 

It wasn’t planned, but Carmilla wasn’t about to turn the woman away. Not when she came over, arms full of various sugary foods and face full of hope. Carmilla would put on a movie, and the two of them would sit in silence, eyes glued to the screen as they ate their way through the food Lauren had brought over.

 

Sometimes, when the movie was over and the credits were rolling, Lauren would ask questions about the case, or Carmilla would ask questions about Lauren’s work. It was going well, Carmilla discovered, Lauren was quickly working her way up the chain and soon she hoped she would have a real chance at getting a place at a big-name paper.

 

She wanted to move to New York, or even over seas. _“I’m sick of this town,”_ She had whispered into the darkness, _“I’m sick of it and the bad things that happen. There’s so many memories here, and hardly any of them are good.”_

__

_“You’ll get out,”_ Carmilla had assured her, reaching over and clasping their hands together. The touch seemed so much softer, so much more meaningful, in the darkness of the room, and Carmilla felt Lauren’s blood pumping under her skin. A steady rhythm. Constant, and in that moment, Carmilla had never felt so alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is shorter than normal so sorry for that


	14. 8B: torture me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is early because I'm flying to Israel early tomorrow morning. I'm there for 3 weeks and I'll try and post at least one chapter a week (days may vary) but don't kill me if it doesn't happen. I'm there for uni and the schedule is hectic (who decided 3am starts were a good idea????? RIP ME) 
> 
> also 
> 
> Happy Birthday None (noneqaf)

“We might as well start calling it _The Bodies in the River Case.”_

John Kirsch laughed at his own joke, but no one else did. William just stared at him, and Carmilla considered rolling her eyes, but decided that the joke didn’t warrant even that. They were gathered on the bank of the Fenton River, watching as the divers dragged the body back to shore. It was too early for this, in Carmilla’s opinion, but the dead didn’t wait for anyone and for some fucked up reason she could no longer remember, she had decided to dedicate herself to assisting the dead.

 

“Don’t be a prat.” William scowled, “some poor bastard’s been dumped in the river and you’re here cracking jokes.”

 

“Hey, bro. Just trying the lighten the mood.”

 

“You’re doing a goddam useless job of it.”

 

Carmilla rolled her eyes.

 

The body was placed on plastic sheeting and LaF swooped down, excited as ever while Carmilla took her time walking over. She had seen her fair share of dead corpses in various states of decay, sure, but there was something about bloated, water-logged bodies that made her stomach knot. together This one was no different, and the puffy face and swollen eyes that stared up at her forced her to look away and she swallowed roughly.

 

“Is it him?”

 

LaF nodded, glancing up at her with a sympathetic look on their face. “Yeah. It’s definitely him.”

 

Carmilla nodded, turning and walking back over to the two men still arguing by the river’s edge.

 

“Stop your flirting, would you. It’s disgusting to watch.”

 

William, at least, had the decency to blush. “We weren’t…that wasn’t…”

 

“Shut up and come on.”

 

* * *

 

Michael Davids had gone missing two weeks ago to the day, and when Carmilla had received the call from William that a body had been discovered in the Fenton River, she had hoped that it was him. As it were, her wishes were granted, and as she pulled off her shoe covers and released her hair from the cotton cap that LaF insisted everyone wear when witnessing an autopsy, she hated herself a little for being glad that Michael had been found.

 

 

“Does it fit with your profile?”

 

LaF walked out of the autopsy room, leaving their assistant to finish clearing up. They looked tired, but  everyone did now-a-days. The case had been dragging on, and everyone involved was up late reviewing notes and trying their damn well hardest to find something - _anything_ \- that would help them find their killer. No one even cared if they weren’t the one to crack the case, that didn’t matter anymore. Whatever silly little notions they had of receiving the fame and glory were gone, replaced with a dire need to _finish this._ Whatever this was.

 

It was a team game, now, and the good guys were losing.

 

“Unfortunately, yes.” Carmilla sighed and glanced back through the window, watching LaF’s assistant wheel the body back towards the storage units. Would she end up like that, one day? A simple body on a slab. Cold. Frozen. A shell being studied by scientists hoping to discover something about immortality, so as to further their own agenda to evade death. She hoped not, and she made a mental note to review her will with LaF and Perry. It had been a while since they had looked over them, and perhaps it was time to update them, despite the fact that the details would probably remain unchanged. “Seems like our guy’s tastes are changing.”

 

“It’s not that surprising, really.” LaF sighed and ran a hand through their hair. It had gotten longer, Carmilla noted, the ends curling around the doctor’s ears in the beginning stages of little ringlets. “At least there’s no more ten-year-olds on my table.”

 

Carmilla nodded, silently. Why was the killer’s taste in victims changing? It didn’t add up, but the evidence didn’t lie. Michael Davids was most certainly the victim of the same killer, but he was mere days away from his nineteenth birthday. An adult, for all intents and purposes. Not the child that the victims before him had been, and it didn’t make sense. Not on paper and not in Carmilla’s head.

 

“Have you talked about it with Will?”

 

“Not yet,” Carmilla shook her head. “He knows about it, but we haven’t discussed it yet. At least, not in any great detail. Last time I spoke to him he sounded just as confused as the rest of us, though. If our killer wanted to surprise us, he certainly did a good job.”

 

* * *

John Kirsch sat in his office, swinging himself around on his chair. The pile of paperwork on his desk was growing, and he was doing a pretty decent job of ignoring it. Partially because he hated paperwork, but mostly because as hard as he tried to get started on it, his mind was elsewhere and he couldn’t seem to drag it back to where it needed to be.

 

Sighing, he turned his body to face his desk and pulled himself closer to it. _Might as well tackle it head on_ , he thought. _It’s not like it’s going anywhere._

 

He ran a hand through his hair, looking around his office again for leaning over and picking up the first page on the stack. He hadn’t even read halfway down the page, though, before he was pushing himself away from the desk and running out the door.

 

“Shit!”

 

* * *

 

“I don’t get it.”

 

They were sitting in Carmilla’s living room, sitting crossed-legged on the floor surrounded by the case files. On the wall, Carmilla’s map was looming over them. Each new pin a reminder that the killer was still out there, and so were the kids.

 

  1. William reminded himself. They weren’t just kids anymore. Not technically.



 

“None of us get it, you numbnut.” Carmilla rolled her eyes, “that’s why we’re _here on a Saturday night_.”

 

“Right.”

 

He looked back at the files scattered across the floor, each one with a photo clipped onto the front. A smiling face; a snapshot in time, frozen forever. Like him. Like Carmilla. Like Perry and LaF and thousands of others. Except, unlike them, these people wouldn’t progress through life. They wouldn’t smile again. Never hear another voice, sing another song. These people were taken. Ripped out of their lives and left to decompose in an abandoned forest or river or somewhere they hadn’t been discovered yet and it made William sick.

 

He may be a monster but he wasn’t inhumane. Not anymore.

 

A photo caught his eyes and William tilted his head and frowned.

 

“Kitty?”

 

Carmilla hummed in response, not looking up from the file she was reading through. William didn’t care, though, and kept talking.

 

“How many girls we got on the list?”

 

“Two.” Now she did look up, brow furrowed. “Why?”

 

“How many guys?”

 

Carmilla raised her eyebrow before narrowing her gaze at her brother. “Significantly more. What’s your point?”

 

“The girls were left in public places, right? The guys weren’t. They were left in abandoned forests and in rivers.”

 

“So you’re saying there’s two killers?”

 

“Maybe, but that’s beside the point.” William nodded towards the map. “The killer’s moving. We know that. The last victims were also older.”

 

Carmilla frowned. “I’m not following you, Willy-boy.”

 

The man rose to his feet and pointed to the map. “The killer is moving, his area is changing, his victims are changing. You know who’s also probably changing? The killer. The dude has been killing for over a _year_ now. He’s getting-“

 

“bored.” Carmilla interrupted. “He’s getting bored, so he’s shaking it up a little.”

 

William nodded. “Think about it. The last victim was nineteen. That’s not much older than the other victims, really. But to the killer it’s something fresh. New. As sick as it is, our guy is changing it up.”

 

“And he’s moving…” Carmilla stood and looked at the map. “Or is he?”

 

She ran her finger along the lines of the map, stopping at the pins briefly before continuing onto the next one.

 

“North-East….”

 

* * *

 

The day that Carmilla met Mary was also the day that she decided she wasn’t going to go after Laura’s reincarnations again.

 

It was too painful, too time consuming. She was tired of holding out for something that was probably never going to happen. Tired of existing in a perpetual state of “maybe this time…” and “eventually it will happen…” Tired of waiting and waiting for years on end for the next reincarnation to grow up and then spending hours, days, years looking for them only to be disappointed when they _weren’t her Laura._

 

And Mary was as far from Laura and she could possibly be and Carmilla was tired, disappointed and angry at herself for hoping.

 

She was done.

 

* * *

John Kirsch ran into the morgue with such a whirlwind of fear that nobody even questioned it when he demanded to be taken to Doctor LaFontaine _“right now!”_

 

The morgue wasn’t usually a place in which exciting things happened. Considering that the only visitors that really happened upon the place were long since deceased, the people who worked there were not particularly prepared for a 6 foot 3 bundle of muscle, armed with a badge and an air of superiority barging through their doors and demanding to see their boss. So they complied, and LaFontaine found themselves standing as Kirsch slammed their door shut and whispered with a look of fear on his face that “Carmilla is a suspect and she’s going to be arrested tomorrow.”

 

“What?”

 

“I was looking through my paperwork. Carm is going to be arrested for the child murders and…” he trailed off, face pale and as he wiped his hands on his shirt and licked his lips, he glanced upwards to make eye contact with LaF. Swallowing he said, “Lauren was the one to tell the bureau.”


	15. 9A: My sunny side has up and died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Israel was cool. 
> 
> sorry for the wait???? im back though. Hi.

The ceiling was white, but to the man looking up at it, it was a mixture of colours, swirling together the same was waves crashed together in the ocean. Swirls of red and blue and green spun together, mixing and moulding, and as the man looked up at them he saw far more than the mere blank ceiling he knew everyone else saw.

 

It was inspiring and relaxing and the sole cause of so many ideas. The man grinned to himself, watching as colours flitted across the ceiling. The blue crashing into the red while the green mixed with the yellow; one colour meeting another and creating a whole new one. It was almost magic. 

 

And then he blinked, and it was gone. The plain, white coat of paint that covered the inside of the house returned, but the imagery lingered in the forefront of his mind for far longer than he cared to admit.

 

Jimmy sighed and rose from the bed, slipping on a jumper before padding out of the room and into the kitchen. He fumbled against the wall, feeling for the light-switch before flicking it on. He squinted, however, when the harsh and unnatural light flooded the room.

 

(He’d spent so much time in dark rooms his eyes had forgotten what things looked like in daylight)

 

The fridge was empty and all he found in his cupboards were half-finished chip packets and that tub of beans his mother bought him last time she came to visit. He should probably go grocery shopping at some point in the near future, but he really couldn’t be bothered. Plus, he could just order take out and then he wouldn’t need to actually, you know, _cook_.

 

He was about to dial the pizza store when Lauren’s name appeared on his screen. Answering, he barely had time to get two words out before Lauren was talking frantically in his ear.

 

“Wait, hold up. _What?_ ”

 

“Just get down here! Now!”

 

///

 

The crowd that had gathered outside Carmilla’s apartment complex had thickened in the half hour it took for him to get there, and Jimmy had to push his way through. Everyone was doing the exact same thing, though, and it proved to be a problem because when everyone else wanted the same thing you did, they weren’t very forgiving or lenient in letting you get ahead.

 

Good thing Lauren was there. When the small woman saw him, she mercilessly pushed everyone out of the way and pulled him through. She didn’t even apologise.

 

Jimmy respected that.

 

“Hey, little nugget. What’s happening?”

 

“Carmilla’s getting arrested for the crimes we’ve been investigating. Get your camera out this is a good chance for an exclusive.”

 

Jimmy paused. “Carmilla’s getting arrested?”

 

Lauren nodded and pointed at Jimmy’s camera bag. “Yes, that’s what I said. Hurry up they’ll be bringing her out soon.”

 

She looked away, trying to peer over the heads of the few people in front of them while Jimmy set about setting up his camera. When the flashes and yelling started, he didn’t need to look up to know that the ex detective had been brought out, and he was almost prepared for the force in which Lauren pulled him forward to get a better shot of the woman as she was walked to the police car.

 

Lauren wasn’t yelling questions at Carmilla; Jimmy supposed she knew enough already considering the two women had been working together. He didn’t care though, and filmed the scene anyway. It wasn’t his job to question Lauren and her methods.

 

“Did you get it?” Lauren leant up to whisper in his ear.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Great.”

 

She walked away, head held high and Jimmy frowned.

 

It was a weird day.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla sat alone in a room that held only a small desk bolted to the floor, and the rickety chair on which she was perched. She stared at the mirror that she knew was a window, simply because she was normally on the other side. They were watching her, she knew that, and so she sat staring at them despite not being able to see them. Her arms were crossed and she tried her hardest to make her demeanor as apathetic as possible.

 

She slouched in her chair, debating about whether putting her boots up on the table would help her get her mood across to the group standing on the other side of the mirror observing her like a zoo animal.

 

She wasn’t going to let them win.

 

When the door opened and her old boss came in, she followed him with her eyes. He looked at her, a crease in his forehead as he frowned, before he took a seat across from her at the table.

 

They stared at each other. Carmilla hadn’t moved; her arms were still folded across her chest and her gaze was still firm and apathetic. She was still slouched in the chair and she knew that the man across from her was nervous. She had worked for him long enough so know when he was pretending to be bigger than he was.

 

“So,” he began, clearing his throat as he shuffled the papers in his hands, “this is new.”

 

There was no way for Carmilla to stop the laugh that escaped her.

 

* * *

 

When Lafontaine entered the building, they were met with a very rumpled looking John Kirsch. The two didn’t talk as Kirsch took them up to the floor where Carmilla was being held for questioning. Both were too anxious, and LaF knew that if they were to open their mouth they would just end up saying something ridiculous and they didn’t need that kind of embarrassment at the moment.

 

Besides, they weren’t sure if Kirsch was able to string three words together, let alone have a conversation.

 

Now was one of those times in which simply standing together in an elevator, knowing you were both on the same page about the shitty situation they found themselves in was enough, and strained conversation vocalising the shittiness of the situation was not needed.

 

LaF was glad they both understood that.

 

* * *

 

“How about you start by telling us what you know.”

 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, but sat up straight in her chair and fixed the man in front of her with a hard stare.

 

“You know everything that I do.” She said, folding her hands on the table. “There’s nothing left to tell.”

 

The man pursed his lips, staring at Carmilla who didn’t let her own stare waver. Eventually he looked down at the folder of papers on the desk in front of him and sighed before opening it.

  
Taking a piece of paper out, she flipped it to face Carmilla and slid it across the table. “Do you know who this is?”

 

Carmilla nodded. “Faith Simmons.”

 

“The victim that got you involved in this whole case, if I’m not mistaken?”

“You aren’t.”

 

Their gazes met again, and Carmilla tilted her head, folding her arms across her body again. The man shook his head and took out another piece of paper, sliding it across to Carmilla. Her eyes flickered down to it, fixating on the photo that was clipped to it.

 

“Kurtis James.”

 

Another piece of paper.

 

“Daniel Payne.”

 

And another.

 

“Jayden Bell. Carter Jones.”

 

Another.

 

“Earl Duncan. Mohammad Wilson. Timothy Rogers. Tenneil Glass. Charlie Porter. Samuel Code. Hunter Keyes. Eddie Phillips. Ki Ki Wilson. Eric Morrisey. Stephen Pierce. Will Harrington. Michael Davis. Louis Brown. These names sound familiar to you, Karnstein?”

 

Carmilla looked up from the photos spread out before her, face stony as she glared at the man in front of her. He had risen from his chair, leaning over the table, face level with Carmilla’s.

 

“Of course they sound familiar. I’ve been working on finding them.”

 

The man shook his head. “I don’t think you’ve really been searching for them, Karnstein. I think that you’ve been leading everyone off track, trying to cover your own ass.”

****

* * *

 

Lafontaine wasn’t allowed in the room to watch the interrogation.

 

They stood outside, waiting for Perry to arrive or for Kirsch to walk out and tell them what was happening.

 

It was stressful, and they were entirely unprepared for the situation.

 

* * *

 

“What makes you think I’m the perp?”

 

Wallace sat down again, crossing his legs and looking at Carmilla for a second before speaking.

 

“You know an awful lot about where these bodies are being hidden. It’s a bit suspicious, don’t you think?”

 

Carmilla shook her head. “Or a matter of logic.”

 

Wallace frowned and Carmilla shook her head.

 

“You think it’s all random, where the perps been dropping his bodies? Or picking them up, for that matter?”

 

Wallace nodded.

 

“It’s not. I mapped it out, you can see it in my apartment. Will, Kirsch and I – hell, even Laf helped! We sat, working out where the perp would strike next, hoping we’d eventually be able to stop him in the act.” She paused and shook her head, “we thought he was changing patterns. Mixing things up. But the streets didn't change, we only had to extend the streets on the map. Not add new ones. Even those river findings would occur near bridges carrying one of the streets."

 

When she looked up, Wallace was looking at her perplexed, and she smiled slightly, shrugging.

 

“Therefore, the parameters basically remained the same despite the ages of the victims. I could start predicting where the next one would occur, based on the perp’s past trends. He was picking up his victims close to the south, but was moving in a north-eastern directing to drop the bodies off.”

 

She sat up straight and looked Wallace in the eyes.

 

“It’s not that hard.”

 

Wallace smiled. “I don’t believe you.”

 

* * *

 

Perry arrived in a hustle of determination and LaF had to physically hold her back and talk her out of barging into the room and demanding Carmilla get released.

 

* * *

 

“Boss, we have a problem.”

 

Wallace looked up at the young rookie that had stuck her head through the door.

 

“And that would be…”

 

“Ah well…we kinda just got another report of a missing kid…”

“That would be impossible, because we have our culprit right here.”

 

The rookie officer swallowed and took a deep breathe, eyes flickering toward Carmilla who shrugged before back to Hadrien Wallace.

 

“We have a witness that saw the victim being dragged into the backseat of a car.”

 

“It’s a separate case.”

 

Carmilla watched the exchange, slightly amused. She supressed her smile however, and studied the desk in front of her while the two argued. Eventually, though she got tired of listening to the two going around in circles with their argument. It was mildly exhausting, and they were wasting time.

 

“…how could another victim go missing, when we have our culprit contained here?” Wallace yelled. Carmilla rolled her eyes.

 

“Because I didn’t do it, dimwits.”

 

* * *

 

LaFontaine nearly cried when Kirsch walked out with a smile on his face.

 

(when Carmilla walked out a few minutes later, looking exhausted and mildly pissed off but otherwise fine, LaFontaine did cry. But if anyone asked, it never happened.)


	16. 9B: wet sand

She’d been staying with William for a little over two weeks since she’d been released. The FBI was still wary of her, not wholly believing that she was, in fact, innocent. William volunteered to let her stay with him, and Wallace agreed, on the condition that Wallace randomly come and make sure that Carmilla wasn’t causing a fuss, or carrying out any illegal activity. The last part went unsaid, but the implication was there, and the only reason Carmilla agreed was because baby Kirsch agreed to cc her into all the official case emails.

 

Plus, William’s apartment was a solid twenty steps up from hers in style and comfort. Carmilla wasn’t going to turn down the offer to sleep on a mattress that felt like a cloud with sheets with a thread count higher than all her bedding combined. And it got to the point where, 90% of the time, she wouldn’t even leave the bed.

 

William found her with blankets wrapped around her shoulders, Tchaikovsky playing softly in the background while she typed away at her computer.

 

“When was the last time you left this room?”

 

Carmilla glanced up from the computer, meeting her brother’s eyes briefly before she began typing again.

 

“The last time you made me.”

“That was nearly a week ago.” He walked over and pushed the screen of Carmilla’s computer down, ignoring his sisters’ protests. “At least come to Perry’s tonight.”

 

Carmilla shook her head, shaking William’s grip from her arm before he could pull her up from her spot on the bed. “I don’t think so.”

 

A frown eased it’s way onto William’s brow. “Why not?”

 

Carmilla glanced down.

 

“You know why” She whispered.

 

Understanding hit William and he sat down on the bed next to his sister. Wrapping an arm around her, he pulled her towards him and rested his cheek on the top of her head and was only slightly surprised when she snuggled into him.

 

“You can’t hide in here forever.”

 

“I can certainly try.”

 

He chucked lightly, kissing the top of her head as she let out a sigh.

 

“At least let me change the sheets. You may not sweat, but the food stains and god knows what else are gonna make them stink.”

 

She laughed, sitting up and pushing him away playfully. Shaking her head, William caught a small roll of Carmilla’s eyes and was glad he could at least make his sister smile.

 

It disappeared quickly, though, and the downcast expression returned as she whispered, “I just don’t want to run into her.”

 

“It was probably just a misunderstanding.”

 

“How is telling the FBI I’m a serial killer a misunderstanding?” Carmilla snapped and William held up his hands in defeat, “I just can’t believe she would do that.”

 

“Have you asked John about getting a copy of Lauren’s statement? Maybe that will help you understand.”

 

Carmilla stood up, throwing the blanket onto William’s lap before running a hand through her hair and beginning to pace the floor. “I have. He’s looking into it.”

 

William nodded, and the two lapsed into silence. When Carmilla stopped pacing and stood still, hands on her hips as she looked up at the ceiling before turning around and groaning in frustration, William swallowed before asking again if Carmilla would at least come to Perry’s for dinner.

 

“Would you make me socialise?”

 

“No more than usual.”

 

“So I can mope in the corner and drink champagne.”

 

“That’s what you normally do.”

 

Carmilla smirked. “Fine.”

 

“Good.”

 

William pushed himself off of the bed and threw the blanket at Carmilla. She caught it and threw the middle finger up as William walked out of the room.

 

“Oh!” William stuck his head back through the door and nodded at the bed, “strip the sheets. I wasn’t joking about you stinking up the place.”

 

“Fuck you, William.”

 

* * *

 

Jimmy watched as Lauren paced the office.

 

She was mumbling to herself, occasionally throwing her hands in the air and moving them around in a frustrated dance that was kind of funny to watch. Jimmy didn’t laugh though, knowing that if he did, the tiny journalist would be at his throat in an instant, and he kinda wished to live for a while longer at least.

 

_“I just cant believe it….they just let her out?....did I prove nothing?....my boss is going to kill me….”_

 

Jimmy reached for the bag of chips he had stashed in his desk drawer and continued watching Lauren pace. He’d known her long enough to know that interrupting her while she was this frustrated wasn’t the best of moves, so he simply observed, waiting for her to work through her emotions before he spoke up.

 

It took less time than expected.

 

She slumped down into her own chair a mere three minutes later, and glared at Jimmy when he offered her a chip.

 

“Alrighty. No chip sharing today.” He put the packet down and spun around to face Lauren completely. “Want to talk about it?”

 

Lauren shook her head before letting is fall to the desk. The _thump_ that her skull made when it collided with the wood make Jimmy flinch slightly, and he stared at the figure across from him before shrugging and reaching for his chip packet.

 

A few muffled but definitely agitated words caused Jimmy to roll his eyes.

 

“I can’t understand a word that’s coming out of your mouth right now, Harvey.”

Lauren raised her head and scowled.

 

“I can’t believe they let her go!”

 

“Maybe she’s not guilty? I mean, what did the department say in their publicity statement? New reports of disappearances came in while Carmilla was in their custody. That’s kinda hard to pin on Carmilla considering she was _in police custody_.”

 

Lauren shook her head. “So she has an accomplice.”

 

“Do you really believe that?”

 

There was silence as Lauren held Jimmy’s gaze. Eventually she slumped back and sighed, banging her head on the desk again.

 

“I was _so sure_ , Jim. So sure!”

 

“What was your evidence against the chick anyway? I thought you were into her.”

 

Lauren shook her head. “She was just using me.”

 

“And what was your evidence for that?” He raised an eyebrow and Lauren scowled.

 

“I’ll have you know that I have some very good reasons as to why I think these things.”

 

Jimmy swung around on his chair. Crossing his legs he raised his eyebrow again. “Explain away.”

 

* * *

 

Carmilla didn’t want to admit she was having fun, but after two cups of coffee and three rounds of Uno with the people she had come to call family, it was hard to deny the fact.

 

As she called uno, earning panicked looks from everyone in the circle, she couldn’t help the smug smile that grew into an excited grin. Baby Kirsch, LaF, and Will all took their turns, slapping down their cards in light of the eminent defeat that Carmilla would surely throw in their faces.

 

“Hah! Draw Four! And I know you’re harbouring a green card so let’s make it red!”

 

Carmilla frowned before looking towards Perry with a  bewildered expression.

 

“How long have you been harbouring that card, Perr?” she began picking up cards from the deck, “also, I’m hurt. I thought we were friends.”

 

“There’s no friends in Uno.”

 

Carmilla shook her head, turning to Baby Kirsch who was contemplating her cards.

“Since it’s red…” he threw down a draw two and Laf grinned as they threw down another one. Turning to Will, they gave an apologetic shrug but laughed when he too put down a draw two.

 

“Suck it, Perr. That’s payback!”

 

Perry didn’t say anything, looking at her cards before calmly placing another draw two on the pile. Carmilla gaped, frantically searching through her cards before groaning.

 

“I can’t believe you guys.”

 

“Suck it up, Karnstein. You just weren’t destined to be the Uno Champion.”

 

Carmilla threw her finger up at Kirsch as she picked up her cards from the deck.

 

“I thought this was supposed to be a bonding activity.” She mumbled. “Seems more like it’s a ‘ _let’s team up against Carmilla’_ activity to me.”

 

“You’re just bitter because you’re now losing.” William laughed. “It’s not our fault you suck.”

 

Carmilla threw a napkin at him as he threw down a green three. Perry smiled, placing yet another draw two on the deck.

 

“Uno”

 

“What? No! Perry where have you been hiding these cards? You’re cheating!” Carmilla turned to Lafontaine, pointing at Perry. “LaF! Your wife is cheating!”

 

LaF just shrugged and Carmilla scowled as she picked up yet more cards from the deck. It deepened when Kirsch, William and LaF each didn’t put anything down to stop Perry from winning.

 

Which she did. She won, and Carmilla was not happy.

 

“You’re all traitors.”

 

* * *

 

“So let me get this right. Carmilla’s a vampire, who way back in history dated some journalist chick who stopped an ancient vampire from sacrificing some students to a giant fish. Then when this chick died, Carmilla discovered that this chick was being reincarnated and you’re convinced that you’re one of these reincarnations and that Carmilla is killing off these kids as a way to make you fall in love with her.”

 

Jimmy frowned and Lauren nodded.

 

“You do realise how ridiculous that sounds, right?”

 

“But, she always knows what the killer is doing! She’s got some kind of insider knowledge and it’s because she’s the killer!”

 

“She’s a detective, Lauren! She’s best friends with an FBI agent and the medical examiner. Not to mention, her brother used to be the FBI’s profiler. She has connections.” He paused and shook his head, “plus she isn’t stupid. And she’s good at her job. Of course she’s going to understand the case. You hired her to figure out what the killer is doing and to catch him, but now that she’s actually making progress with that, you think she’s the killer? You’ve lost the plot, Lauren.”

 

The journalist was fuming, and Jimmy was frustrated. Standing up, he moved into his friend’s personal space and gave her a brief hug.

 

“I love you and all, you know I do. But you gotta think before you act. Take a step back from all this and go on that date you were talking about. Get away from it all for a few hours. Then, if you’re still convinced, sit down and get some actual evidence.” He smiled, “I’ve got an art show to get to. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

 

As Jimmy walked out of the room, he glanced back to see Lauren sit down at her desk and let her head drop to the table.

 

* * *

 

“Do you remember Justine?” Carmilla’s voice was quieter than usual, a mere whisper in the silence that had fallen over the group. Laf tilted their head, frowning at the way Carmilla was looking absentmindedly into her glass, a look on her face that seemed a thousand times more pained than seemed possible. Her eyes were sunken, cheeks hallow. A dark shadow hung over her face and her skin seemed to stretch over her bones.

 

Carmilla looked tired.

 

Carmilla looked _old_.

 

“I think that she was the only one that I really loved…after Laura. Which makes no sense really. She was the first one that didn’t remember, and yet…I loved her. And it makes no sense because I’d been waiting for _Laura_ and then I went and…and fell in love with someone who was _so much like Laura_ but _didn’t remember anything_.” Carmilla shook her head, “It’s so fucked up. This whole situation is so fucked up _._ ”

 

Laf frowned and glanced sideways at Perry who looked equally confused.

 

“It’s okay, Carm.” They eventually said, “its okay.”

 

Carmilla let out a hallow laugh. A scoff, rolling her eyes quickly and shaking her head. “No it’s not. Don’t you see? None of this is okay! I promised Laura that I’d never forget her, and then I went and fell in love with someone who didn’t even know who Laura was! I spent how long? Thirty years? Loving a woman who was so much like Laura and yet I never even uttered her name. I forgot about her, and…”

 

Carmilla trailed off, eyes downcast and sad as the rest of the group watched on.

 

“And the fucked up thing was that I was happy.” She looked up at Laf and met their eyes, and LaF saw a thousand years of turmoil burning under the surface and it occurred to them just how old Carmilla was. How much she had experience, endured.

 

“I was happy without Laura, and I don’t think I can ever forgive myself.”

 

And Lafontaine’s heart broke.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Barry O’Neil stood leaning against a wall, sipping on a coffee as he half-heartedly watched the bridge a few yards down the road.

 

It was late, and his partner had taken the car on a doughnut run, stating that the two of them needed a pick-me-up after they had somehow gotten stuck on monitoring duty. It wasn’t that they disliked the job, it was just that it seemed rather pointless. Everyone had heard about Karnstein’s little outburst in the interrogation room, and for some reason the boss had agreed that her theory deserved some attention.

 

None of the patrol officers really believed that anything would come of it, but they went along with it anyway. It wasn’t like they would be taken seriously if they denied the big boss’ orders.

 

Barry looked at his watch, rolling his eyes when he saw it had been nearly forty minutes since his partner had left him. Surely it didn’t take that long to get a doughnut did it? He shook his head.

 

The bastard was probably eating double the amount he was going to bring Barry. Little pig.

 

Sighing, he glanced at his watch again before throwing his empty coffee cup towards the bin on his left, not really caring if the cardboard mug made it into the can or not. Then he took off towards the bridge, deciding that another scout of the area would take up sufficient time before he could call his partner and yell at him for taking so long on his pick up.

 

Then he heard the splash.

 

Frowning, Barry inched his way closer, squinting against the artificial light from the street lights before his eyes widened and he stumbled back.

 

“Fuck.” He swore, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

 

Pulling his radio from his belt he radioed into HQ.

 

“This is Unit 181 reporting. Karnstein was right.”

 

* * *

 

Lauren nervously bounced on her feet, biting her lip as she debated her next move. Before she could decide, though, her thoughts were interrupted by a voice from above.

 

“Hey kid, didn’t think I’d be seein ya around these parts again.”

 

Lauren frowned and looked up, her face softening when she saw a familiar face staring down at her. She laughed nervously.

 

“Yeah, neither did I.” She frowned to herself, biting her lip again as she felt the man’s eyes on her. Shaking her head, she looked up at the man again. “Think you could buzz me up?”

 

The man’s face darkened.

 

“Aw kid, listen, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I know all about that stunt you pulled the other day. What with getting the good detective arrested and all. I feel for ya, kid, I really do but the good detective deserves more than that, ya know? I don’t think me letting ya in is a good move.”

 

Lauren sighed.

 

“But if ya really wanna see her, you can just ask her to let you in. If she wanna see ya she’ll buzz ya up.”

 

He waved again and disappeared, and Lauren stood staring at the numbers before her before reaching out and pressing the button.

 

///

 

Carmilla opened her apartment door and started at the figure before her with a blank face. Silently she moved aside, letting the woman in before closing the door behind her and locking the hatch. 

 

“Listen - ” Lauren said, but Carmilla cut her off, placing a finger on Lauren’s mouth and shaking her head. Lauren frowned, staring at Carmilla with confusion as the vampire moved closer.

 

“No talking.” Carmilla said.

 

Lauren nodded.

 

“I’m still mad.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Lauren didn’t fight it when Carmilla’s lips crashed against hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment on this one. i need to know what you think. it's a need. a physical need. please. 
> 
> also no i will not be writing the full sex scene. the asexual inside of me prevents me from doing that. but if you want to, message me on tumblr. 
> 
> k
> 
> bye


	17. 10A: drifting and floating and fading away

The first thing Carmilla was aware of was the ringing of her phone. The second thing was that she was not alone in her bed.

 

Reaching out her hand, she fumbled across the top of her bedside table until her fingers grasped the edges of her phone. Without opening her eyes she answered the call with a mumbled hello, not particularly caring to pay attention to the call until she heard William talking frantically down the line.

 

“Slow down. What are you going on about?”

 

“Kitty. Last night the patrol officers set to the Memorial Bridge reported seeing a man throwing something large into the river. I’ve been here all night with the scene techs. Carm. They found a body.”

 

Carmilla shot up, disturbing the figure next to her who groaned and sat up too, asking who Carmilla was speaking too. Carmilla waved a hand, motioning for Lauren to be silent as she spoke back and forth with her brother.

 

“Where are you now?”

 

“I’m heading to the morgue. LaF is going to examine the body more there.” She heard a car door slam shut and some rustling before William’s voice came back. “John is out with the patrol officers. They’ve been questioning people from the area about the guy they saw. Don’t have much though, a grainy photograph that doesn’t show much considering it was in bad light.”

 

Carmilla hummed a response, standing up and shooting a smile at Lauren who was looking at her with a small frown from her place on the bed.

 

“I’ll meet you at LaF’s. If I’m not there when you guys are ready to start just start without me. I’ll be about a half hour anyway.” She didn’t wait for William to reply, hanging up on him and tossing her phone onto the bed as she began picking up clothes from the floor and piecing together an outfit that didn’t entirely scream _yesterday’s clothes_ but probably wasn’t far off.

 

“What was that about?”

 

“Patrol officers saw a guy throw something into the river last night. This morning a body was found.” Carmilla looked up briefly, making eye contact with Lauren before going back to finding a shirt that wasn’t too creased. “I’m going to the morgue with LaF. Feel free to come.”

 

Lauren, of course, was out of bed before the sentence had been completed, the sheet slipping off her naked body as she manoeuvred around the bed. Carmilla couldn’t help but pause and stare, raking her eyes over the journalist’s body and admiring the way the muscles in her back flexed as she bent down to retrieve her clothes from the floor.

 

“Stop staring, perv. We have somewhere to be.”

 

* * *

 

The autopsy had begun by the time Carmilla and Lauren had found their way into the morgue, but that didn’t stop LaF from shooting them both a knowing glance their way. Accompanied by a smirk, they shot a “look who decided to join us!” at the pair before continuing on with the autopsy, occasionally stifling a laugh when they caught Carmilla’s eye.

 

Lauren, for the most part, remained quiet. She blushed when LaF looked at her, and it didn’t help that Carmilla didn’t say anything to stop them from shooting knowing glances or spitting out suggestive comments. She wasn’t accustomed to this sort of behaviour, and as such she wasn’t entirely sure how to handle the situation. Deciding it would be better she just not say anything, she gradually edged to the side of the room, remaining on the outskirts of the group of detectives that had gathered there as the autopsy progressed.

 

It was odd, seeing it happen live. Sure, she had read her fair share of autopsy reports, but seeing it happening was a whole new experience.

 

She didn’t throw up, which she was proud of, but it made her uneasy, and she found herself focusing on Carmilla’s expression during the whole procedure. How the woman managed to keep her face so neutral was beyond Lauren’s comprehension. Did she even blink?

 

Nevertheless, LaF announced fairly quickly that the body had been submerged for less than twelve hours and the cause of death was “probable asphyxiation”. As the room was starting to clear John Kirsch came in with a confirmation that the victim was indeed Jason Grady – the last man to go missing before that night on the bridge, and Lauren found herself being pulled out of the room by a cold hand and led rather quickly to a set of stairs that led to the roof.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“We need to talk about last night.”

 

* * *

 

As a general rule, John Kirsch was really, really good at detecting bullshit. It was passed down through his dad side of the family, apparently. An ancestor of his was some kind of warrior woman or something and she had a really good eye for knowing bullshit when it came in contact with her. He liked that it got passed down, because it made him really fucking good at interrogating people.

 

Which was why he was chosen to do this particular interrogation. The bastard was lying through his teeth, but Kirsch could see the bullshit and called him out on the fuckery.

 

The guy didn’t crack, but it made Kirsch all the more focused.

 

He didn’t like bullshit.

 

* * *

 

“What do you mean _‘we need to talk’_?” Lauren frowned. “What is there to talk about?”

 

“We were…intimate. Don’t you think that needs to be brought up? Discussed?” Carmilla’s voice rose a notch, cracking slightly as she continued, “ _At all?_ ”

 

Carmilla crossed her arms and stared at Lauren with the same blank expression she had worn during the autopsy. It was unnerving, and Lauren looked around, trying desperately to look anywhere except at Carmilla, whose eyes she could still feel on her despite not being able to see the woman’s face.

 

She sighed.

 

“Okay.”

 

* * *

 

“We can’t hold him much longer.” Kirsch sighed, “We need a confession or some tangible evidence or we’re going to have to let him go.”

 

William frowned, looking through the glass at Jimmy Johnson who was sitting rather formally in the chair, picking at his nails.

 

“We don’t have much.”

 

“Where’s the report from the patrol officers?”

 

William nodded towards the computer screen, “it’s all on there. There isn’t much, though.”

 

“Have we checked out his alibi?” John leant down to flick through the file, skimming the words before turning his head to see William nod.

 

“Someone was looking into it. I’ll see if they’ve found anything.”

 

John nodded, reading over the words written on the report again.

 

_“I was at a small, gallery café that was showing the work of an up-and-coming artist. Cheryl Williams is her name…”_

“I call bullshit.” He murmured to himself, looking again at Jimmy through the window.

 

* * *

 

“Did it mean anything to you?”

 

Carmilla’s question threw her off slightly. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was expecting but whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t that.

 

She _was_ expecting the way Carmilla’s defensive walls seemed to crumble, leaving the woman looking tired. Exhausted even, and suddenly Lauren could see toll that thousands of years of existence had taken on Carmilla who was looking at the floor.

 

Her heart broke, slightly, and she swallowed before replying.

 

“Yeah.” It was barely a whisper, but Carmilla heard it and her head shot up to meet Lauren’s eyes. “It did.”

 

* * *

 

William swooped into the break room waving a piece of paper above his head before slamming it down onto the table in front of John.

 

“Love me.”

 

Kirsch raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

 

The smirk William gave made Kirsch roll his eyes, but he looked down at the page anyway.

 

“What am I looking at?”

 

“The name and phone number that Johnson gave the patrol officers didn’t check out. I had some guys check the database and there’s no record of a Cheryl Williams living in a twenty-mile radius of the bridge for twenty years. The last Cheryl Williams that was here died four years ago.” He pointed to the paper, “We have to let him go, but we have a search warrant for his home and car.”

 

* * *

 

The silence that hung between the two women was thick, and Lauren found herself wishing more than anything that she could think of something to say.

 

It wasn’t exactly her turn to speak, but Carmilla seemed frozen; glued to the concrete floor of the rooftop, eyes wide and staring in shock as if she couldn’t quite believe the words that Lauren had just let slip off of her tongue.

 

When Carmilla finally spoke, it was simply to ask Lauren to repeat what she had said, and when she did Carmilla shook her head. Taking three steps back before stumbling and falling backwards, landing heavily on the ground. She didn’t seem to mind, though, and just hung her head, repeating over and over and over that, _“this can’t be happening.”_

 

Lauren knelt down next to her, reaching out and lifting Carmilla’s chin so that the vampire was looking at her. “What can’t be happening?”

 

“You.”

 

* * *

 

They ordered a polygraph, and Kirsch was not surprised when Johnson failed.

 

He sent William and a team of scene techs to Johnson’s apartment, telling them to search for hairs and fibres.

 

“Check his car, too.” He added as an afterthought. “Check everywhere.”

 

* * *

“It meant something to me, Carmilla.” Lauren said after a while. Carmilla didn’t look at her, but the journalist felt Carmilla tense slightly and she knew that she was listening. “It did, and I know it meant something to you too.”

 

“And how do you know that?” If her tone was patronising, Lauren didn’t react.

 

“Because,” Lauren stated, “I know about Laura.”

 

* * *

 

When the tech team came back from searching Johnson’s home, John Kirsch was finalising Johnson’s release. He’d purposely dawdled on the process, taking as long as was humanly possible to fill in the papers and process the detainee’s belongings. It was pushing the limits, but he didn’t care.

 

And neither did anyone else.

 

Johnson was notified of his imminent release, and he was doing a damn good job of taunting the officers that came to speak to him. He was patronising and sarcastic and he knew that it was starting to get to the officers with whom he came in contact with.

 

It was obvious he was enjoying it, too.

 

“What did you find?” Kirsch asked, signing the final bit of paperwork and handing it to an officer, thanking her and she took it and left the room. “Anything useful?”

 

William smiled. “We found a shit load of hair and fibres that have been sent to the lab for analysis. Our guy is fairly certain they come from different sources, though.”

 

“As in, different victims?” Kirsch raised an eyebrow. William nodded. “Well that’s useful.”

 

“Definitely. We also found this.” He handed an evidence bag to Kirsch who took it with a raised eyebrow before he looked down to examine the contents.

“What’s this?”

 

“A book. About how to beat a polygraph test. He knew we were going to question him so he obviously wanted to be prepared.”

 

Kirsch didn’t reply, and they stood in silence, watching through the window, as Johnson was un-handcuffed and led out of the room.

 

“We’ll get him, Kirsch. It’ll just take some time.”


	18. 10B: porcelain

It had been three weeks since Carmilla had any contact with the outside world. Three weeks since that day on the roof when she had run, leaving Lauren behind without so much as a backwards glance.

 

She felt bad, of course she did, but it was too much to comprehend in such a small amount of time. But she knew that Lauren was heartbroken, and she knew that she had missed her chance. There was a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach that made Carmilla think that she had missed her chance. That Lauren wouldn’t want her now that Carmilla had run.

 

It was an emotional war between wanting to run towards Lauren, saying she was sorry and that she wouldn’t run again, and wanting to run as fast and as far as she could in the opposite direction.

 

Of course, the two cancelled each other out and Carmilla was stuck in one place, hiding out in her apartment and refusing to talk to anyone.

 

She was keeping up, though, on the case. They had a major breakthrough, and it was all over the news. William’s face was sprawled over every news outlet, usually flanked by Baby Kirsch and occasionally LaF. They were heroes, according to the news, and they were so close to making an arrest it wasn’t like they needed her, right?

 

They had asked, though, if she wanted to help. She turned it down, not being one for publicity. The three of them could handle it, along with the back up from the county police and the FBI. Her presence and involvement was not crucial. Not anymore.

 

Johnson was being a pain in the neck, though. He was taunting them, trying to get the public’s sympathy saying he was being wrongly framed. Kirsch and William were dealing with it, though. They were coping alright.

 

When Lauren had found out that Johnson was being investigated, Carmilla’s phone blew up with text messages and phone calls all along the lines of _“but I know him. He’s my friend, you don’t really think he’s the guy, right? He can’t be. Carmilla, please…”_

Carmilla didn’t have the heart to call her back.

 

* * *

 

If their days were long before, now they were just never ending, and Lafontaine was thankful once again that Perry was as understanding as she was.

 

(after so many years of living together, it would be almost impossible to not understand Laf’s ways, though.)

 

LaF thought all this while eating the pie Perry had dropped off with her after closing the shop. She didn’t ask questions, just dropped the pie off with a kiss to their forehead and an “I’ll see you at home. Don’t work yourself too hard, please.” before leaving to meet with some of the staff from the café.

 

They _really_ loved their wife. Like, a _lot_.

 

When their computer buzzed, alerting them to a new set of results, they reluctantly set aside their pie in flavour of turning the screen towards them and skimming over the results. The first three pages weren’t particularly interesting, but a particular line caught their attention and without turning away, they reached over and pushed a button.

 

“Kirsch? Get over here.”

 

“Is everything alright, doc?”

 

Laf grinned. “Yeah. Just get over here. The results from the fibers are in and I think you’re gonna love it.”

 

* * *

 

The swarm of reporters that surrounded Jimmy Johnson’s residence paid little attention to William as he edged his way to the front of the crowd. He was off to the side, but no one gave him a second look; all eyes were on figure at the front, hair combed back and dressed in a rumpled T-shirt and jeans. Johnson was trying to give off a vibe of mistreatment. He was trying to win the sympathy of the public.

 

It took a good lot of self-control for William to stop himself from rolling his eyes as Johnson began to speak.

 

“I have called this conference to publically deny the allegations brought against me.” He began. “I have been held in police custody for a significant amount of time. I have been thoroughly questioned, tested, and questioned again. Yet I was released. Why?”

 

He paused, and the reporters all seemed to lean forward.

 

“I was released, because the detectives did not have anything to hold me on. They do not have that, because I am innocent! I am an artist. A photographer. I work with a small newspaper. I am not a serial killer.” Johnson scanned his audience, eyes falling on William in the front. His lip quirked, a small sneer playing on his lips before he declared loudly, not breaking eye contact with William, “I will be the first to admit that I failed a number of polygraph tests. Tests designed to catch when one is lying. How reliable are these tests, though? Not very, I am afraid, although the police department will try and convince you otherwise.”

 

William rolled his eyes at this, before turning and walking away. Missing the rest of Johnson’s little speech wouldn’t hurt too much, and William wasn’t sure he could stand to listen to anymore of it, anyway.

 

Johnson didn’t know what was coming for him.

 

* * *

 

“So what do we have?”

 

The door slammed shut behind him as Wallace swooped into the room. Gathered around the table were Kirsch, William, a few patrol officers and LaFontaine. _No Karnstein_ , he noted, _that’s interesting._

 

He raised an eyebrow at Kirsch, who stood up quickly and pushed a folder towards him. Wallace picked it up, flicking through it quickly and scanning the contents.

 

“Samples of fibers from Johnson’s carpet matches fibers found on two of the victims.” Kirsch started, “other fibers found around Johnson’s home, car and dog are matches on twenty of the victims.”

 

Wallace’s eyebrows shot up. “Well it’ll be hard to get out of that one.”

 

Kirsch nodded.

 

“Not only that, but the tech team found this.” He pushed an evidence bag towards Wallace who picked it up.

 

“What’s this?”

 

LaF smirked. “I ran a few fibers through the analysis program. I am 99.7% sure that _that_ ” they nodded at the bag, “is the material that the victims were bound with.”

 

“We’re waiting for the warrant.” Kirsch added. Wallace nodded and turned towards William.

 

“Let your sister make the arrest. She deserves that much.”

 

William nodded and Wallace left the room.

 

* * *

 

There were eight missed calls and several more text messages waiting for Carmilla when she woke up from her afternoon nap. She didn’t return them, opting instead heat herself up a mug of blood before sitting down to call her brother back.

 

“Carm!”

 

“Yes?”

 

“We got the arrest warrant. I’m on my way to yours. Wallace said you should make the arrest so get out of those clothes I know you’ve been wearing for too long and get your shit together.”

 

Carmilla raised and eyebrow, not sure if she should be offended or embarrassed by her brother’s words.

 

“Sure.”

 

“I’ll see you soon.”

 

//

 

She hears the knock on her door as she’s towel drying her hair.

 

“It’s open!”

 

Throwing the towel onto her bed, Carmilla hurries around her room, picking up her badge and wallet and a few bits of loose change before turning and walking back out into the kitchen.

 

“Honestly, William, I don’t know why you even knock anym-“

 

A hand clamps down over her mouth and the last thing she remembers before the shot rings out is the smell of old cigarettes and cold metal pressed to her right temple.

 

* * *

 

For the thousandth time of his existence, William curses Carmilla’s apartment building for the sheer number of stairs he is required to climb in order to reach it.

 

(he likes to think he’s fit but there are times like this when he questions it)

 

By the time he reaches Carmilla’s door he’s just about ready to stake himself, but he knocks on the door anyway and calls through to Carmilla to let him in and give him a blood martini before he throws himself off of the building. There’s no answer though, and William rolls his eyes because _of course Carmilla isn’t ready yet, the lazy asshole._

 

After a while he gets impatient, and shakes his head before banging on the door again.

 

“Carmilla! Open up!”

 

Silence.

 

“Fuck this.”

 

William takes a step back and contemplates his next move for a moment before leaning backwards and putting his foot through Carmilla’s door.

 

“Still got it. Still got it.”

 

The rest of the door is quickly dismantled, and William slides through the doorway and walks through his sister’s apartment.

 

“Carm?”

 

He stops, staring at the red puddle on the ground. Eyes wide he swears loudly and takes out his phone, dialing Kirsch. When it goes to voicemail he swears again and starts pacing the room, trying Kirsch again before dialing LaFontaine.

 

They pick up.

 

“Yeah Will?”

 

William opens his mouth to speak but trails off as he looks out the window.

 

“Will? You still there buddy?”

 

“LaF…” He swallows, stepping closer to window. “You need to get to the park across from Carm’s apartment right now.”

 

* * *

 

She’s tied to a tree. There’s electrical cord wrapped around her midsection and her head is tilted to one side. Dried blood is gathered around a hole in the side of her head.

 

LaFontaine takes charge, faltering only slightly when they see Carmilla.

 

The media has a field day.

 

//

 

Carmilla is taken to the morgue where LaF removes the bullet.

 

“This wont kill her, right?” Perry asks once the procedure is done. They’re all gathered in Perry’s café, drinks sitting untouched on the table. “I mean, she’ll be fine once she heals, right?”

 

William nods.

 

“She’ll be fine. It’ll just take a while for her body to kickstart again. She’ll need a lot of blood when she does wake up, though.”

 

LaF wraps their arm around Perry as they all sit in silence.

 

“What about Johnson?”

 

“Kirsch and Wallace took him in a few hours ago. He’s being held now, court date pending.”

 

“…and us?”

 

Perry whispers the question, but everyone hears it. It’s LaF that finally answers, though, with an equally quiet, “Carmilla can’t stay here. The country thinks she’s dead. We don’t want a re-do of that one chick…what was her name? The fourth one?”

 

“Alice.”

 

“Yeah her. Remember when Carm got shot in the chest by the biker gang and walked away? Alice nearly had a heart attack and tried to stake Carm when we tried to explain.”

 

William laughed. “I remember that. That one nearly killed Carm in more ways than one.”

 

“It was hard on Carmilla, though. Alice was the first one that didn’t remember being Laura.” LaF paused, frowning, “Are we going to tell Lauren? I mean she knows what Carm is so there’s no reason not to…right?”

 

William frowns. He hadn’t considered that.

 

“We should work out what we’re doing first. Where we’re going, and when. And we will need to talk to John because if he wants to follow he’ll need to sort out a job transfer. If you want to tell Lauren then you can, but we should work out what _we’re_ doing first.” Perry nods to herself and LaF stares at her in shock.

 

“You’re alright moving again? I know you like it here, I’m sure Carm will understand if you want to stay.”

 

“Of course we’re all going. We’re a family, LaFontaine.”

 

There’s no room for questions, and LaFontaine simply nods.


	19. 11A: take this moment to make you my family

When Carmilla woke up on the morgue table she wasn’t expecting to feel so dead.

 

There was pain and she was incredibly stiff and she’ll be the first to admit that her fall from the morgue table wasn’t her most graceful of moments.

 

“Shit.”

 

That was when LaF decided to make their entrance, laughing as they saw Carmilla laying face down on the floor.

 

“You okay there, dude?”

 

“Peachy.”

 

LaF nodded, smirking, but still offering Carmilla a hand and steadying her when her legs wobbled under her, helping her to sit back on the morgue table and making sure she didn’t topple off again. Carmilla glared back, but accepted the help, knowing from past experience that LaF wouldn’t let her refuse their help anyway.

 

“I suppose I should say ‘welcome back’ or something?” LaF said once Carmilla was situated on the table. They laughed when Carmilla shot them another glare, but they ignored it, handing Carmilla a bag of blood, which Carmilla took with the enthusiasm of a small child that had been given candy.

 

“If you say ‘welcome back to the land of the living’ I may have to shoot you.” Carmilla said when she had emptied the bag, accepting another one from LaFontaine which she consumed with a much more relaxed vigour.

 

LaFontaine laughed.  “I wasn’t going to, so if you could keep my brain in one piece that would be great.”

 

“I never said I was going to shoot you in the head.” Carmilla raised an eyebrow and smirked up at her friend, “I might wish to preserve that brain of yours. Maybe sell it on the black market. I’m almost certain that _someone_ out there has use for a thousand year old functioning brain.”

 

This earned a small laugh from LaF. “Glad to know that being shot in the head hasn’t changed you too much, Karnstein.”

 

The two lapsed into silence, and LaFontaine motioned for Carmilla to lay down on the table in order for them to inspect the vampires injuries. Carmilla tried to distract herself from the thousands of questions that sat perched on the edge of her tongue while LaF did their examination. She knew that she would have to ask them eventually, but she also knew LaFontaine wouldn’t tell her the answers until they were two hundred per cent sure that Carmilla was okay first.

 

It was endearing, if not slightly annoying.

 

Carmilla liked that LaF cared for her that much, though.

 

So she allowed LaF to do their thing, wincing only slightly as they cleaned the healing hole in her skull. Apparently she was healing nicely, and fairly quickly considering the circumstances. Carmilla didn’t know how she was supposed to take that information, so she just smiled and thanked LaF before starting to sit up.

 

“How long was I out?”

 

“Three days.” LaF smiled over at her, beginning to pack away their equipment. “Not too bad, considering. I was expecting you to be out at least a week.”

 

Carmilla nodded.  “What happened?”

 

LaF frowned, pausing in their movements to look at Carmilla. “Johnson came to your apartment and shot you.” They looked away, “Will found your apartment a mess. He was trying to call you, me, Kirsch, Perry…pretty much anyone. But then he looked out the window and…”

 

They trailed off, shaking their head.

 

“You were tied to a tree. I think Johnson got off on the idea of making a full circle.”

 

“Like Faith Simmons.”

 

LaF nodded. “Exactly. You ‘ended’ the way it all started, I guess.”

 

Carmilla ran a hand through her hair. There were so many thoughts rushing through her mind but she couldn’t seem to string two together to form a coherent sentence. LaF seemed to pick up on this and put a comforting hand on Carmilla’s shoulder.

 

“It’s alright; Perry’s in the process of orchestrating our move. Your ‘funeral’ is in a few days and then I’m going to step down. Perry is handing over the coffee shop to one of the girls. I think she’s a werewolf? I’m not sure. Anyway, William is going back into retirement and I think Kirsch said something about a transfer…” LaF trailed off before shaking their head and smiling at Carmilla. “Perr has been talking to J.P. and we’re going back to Silas!”

 

Carmilla smiled.

 

* * *

 

LaF and William sneak her out of the morgue in the middle of the night.

 

Carmilla does not appreciate the musical backing that LaFontaine provides.

 

* * *

 

She doesn’t mind the quiet that hiding out in William’s apartment provides. William had moved most of her belongings into his apartment so it wasn’t totally boring. Of course, she didn’t own too many things in the first place, but it was nice to have some sense of familiarity.

As much as she loves her brother, they are two incredibly different people.

 

Perry dotes on her endlessly, and Carmilla almost ( _almost)_ tells her where to stick it.

 

_(almost)_

(Perry’s vampire-inspired cooking skills have improved immensely and Carmilla finds that it’s more productive to request some culinary delight than to snap at the woman anyway)

 

* * *

Of course it was sunny the day of her “funeral”. Of course it was, because the universe seemed to get off on mocking her constantly throughout her existence.

 

There were more people in attendance than Carmilla had expected. It seemed that people from throughout the city wanted to come and pay their respects. William had said that several families had called the station and asked about it, because they wanted to thank her for catching Johnson. When she had heard that, she had thought that William had meant just one or two family members, not the entire fucking city.

 

Alas, the world was mocking her because the coffin that the people were crying over was empty. The hero that they thought they were burying was sitting in William’s apartment, watching the entire thing because apparently the media were covering her funeral.

 

Because that’s a thing that people enjoy, apparently. It’s a _thing_.

 

(Carmilla found it extremely morbid, and this is _her_ talking)

 

It was kind of nice, though, thinking that she made a difference in these people’s lives. That she had done some sort of _good_. Even if she found this whole ceremony completely unnecessary.

 

Perry had organised the ceremony. She always did. She seemed to get a kick out of organising their funerals every few decades. Carmilla didn’t question it, of course, because Perry always seemed so happy doing it. It’s her way of coping, Carmilla supposes, and she isn’t about to take that away from Perry.

 

Even if she found it super weird when Perry asks her about flower arrangements for her own funeral.

 

LaF gives a good speech. They always do. Carmilla nearly cries, because LaF is saying things like how they were proud of Carmilla and how she “really came into her own” and how “Carmilla was born to be a detective. It just worked, and it was the first time I’d really seen her happy. Like, genuinely happy, in a very, very long time.”

 

(okay so maybe she did cry but she isn’t going to tell anyone)

 

William said a few words, mostly reading from a book of poetry that Carmilla hadn’t even realised her brother had taken. It was nice, and it summed up their relationship fairly well.

 

All in all it was a fairly normal funeral, if you take away the crowds and media presence, and she was about to turn off the stream when Lauren stepped forward and started speaking.

 

“I met Carmilla by accident, when Faith Simmons was found. I was trying to break into journalism, and Carmilla helped. I didn’t know who she was, and I think she liked it that way. Being anonymous. Mysterious. She doesn’t like attention, and she would find all this..” Lauren waved her hands in a wide sweeping gesture to the crowds in the cemetery, and laughed a little to herself, “completely ridiculous and unnecessary.

 

“but I also think she’d be flattered. Carmilla wasn’t the type of person to ask for acknowledgement of the things she did. When I approached her about starting an undercover investigation into the disappearances of children, she pushed me away. But then she called me back. She wanted to do it, because she knew it was the right thing to do. She knew that the families deserved answers, and she knew the police department wasn’t going to get them on their own. No offence.” she looked sheepishly at Wallace who shook his head but there was a small blush on his and Carmilla smirked. Of course Wallace was embarrassed. He fucked up majorly.

 

Lauren smiled and turned back to the crowd.

 

“Carmilla started the snowball. She worked for months on this case, for free, and she brought her friends and colleagues into it. Even after the police department and FBI got involved, she still worked on the case herself because she wanted to see it through. She wanted to see justice served, and I’m heartbroken because she never saw Jimmy Johnson apprehended and she will never see the outcome of the trial.

 

“I guess, Carmilla and I had a rocky relationship. There were times when we didn’t speak at all. But she never gave up on the case. She never let whatever _tension_ that came between us interfere with her determination to solve the case. And I know she didn’t do it all for me. She did it because she was a good person, despite what she thought of herself. She was a good person, and an even better friend.”

 

The camera moved to where LaF and Perry sat in the crowd, hands clasped together between them. William and John sat next to LaF, and Carmilla smiled at the genuine sadness she saw on her friends’ faces.

 

It was almost like she _was_ dead.

 

The camera turned back to Lauren who took in a shaky breath and a short laugh before she spoke again.

 

“I don’t think Carmilla really saw how many people she touched. How many people she helped. She was constantly trying to prove to people that she wasn’t a bad person, but she couldn’t see that people already knew that, and the only person she was trying to convince was herself. And if she could see everyone here today, I’m not even sure if she would believe it.

 

“And Carmilla, if you’re out there somewhere listening to this…” Lauren bit her lip and looked down, and as the camera zoomed in on Lauren’s face, Carmilla leaned forward with a frown starting to form creases in her forehead.

 

“… _you know_.”

 

* * *

 

Carmilla does know.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i went to a family wedding this weekend and got drunk with my dad in the corner because we didn't know many people there apart from each other and my aunt who was getting married. so that's why this is late. 
> 
> the whole thing was rather scandalous (my great aunt owns a brothel??? a gay brothel?? that used to be illegal??? im so ??????)


	20. 11B: hard to concentrate

Christmas that year was a relatively quiet event. Carmilla was still healing, although she was adamant that she was perfectly fine and everyone was simply being overbearing because “ _I am perfectly capable of moving about William’s apartment by myself, thank you very much”_. Of course no one paid her any mind about it, and continued to insist that she sit back and let everyone else organise Christmas around her. It was something that, under other circumstances, Carmilla would be perfectly fine with.

 

But she was bored.

 

There’s only so many times one can read the same book before the mere thought of reading it again makes one wish to throw the book as far away as humanly possible. And Carmilla had reached that point several weeks prior. She was out of things to do, and with everyone around her insisting on she sit back and do nothing, Carmilla was set on going out and doing _something._

 

She can distinctly remember Christmases with Laura. They were the first Christmases since she had been turned that she could handle. The way Laura would insist on wearing those absurd sweaters, the smell of hot cocoa and gingerbread filling whatever house or apartment they were living in at the time. Laura would wake up before the sun, putting on a playlist of Christmas songs that never seemed to end, letting Carmilla sleep until 8am at the latest before her boundless energy drove her to jump enthusiastically onto the bed and pepper kisses along Carmilla’s cheeks until the vampire groaned and playfully pushed Laura off, some half-hearted protests about it being too early to be that cheerful being met with an eye roll and an equally half-hearted comment about a Grinch.

 

Sometimes Laura’s dad would join them, bringing presents for everyone and an enthusiastic attitude that could rival his daughters. It seemed that enthusiasm was genetic in the Hollis family line, and Carmilla would grudgingly admit several years later that maybe it was also acquired because, and she would only say this to Laura, she started looking forward to Christmas

 

(especially when Danny and Kirsch brought their twins along and Mr. Hollis would dress up as Santa Claus. It reminded Carmilla of her own father doing a similar thing when she was much younger, in a time when Christmas was spent in front of the fire place and everyone got a single present, wrapped in brown paper and Christmas dinner was the one time her family splurged on meat from the market.)

 

Even now, so many years after Laura’s death, Carmilla enjoys the atmosphere Christmas brings, if only for the fact that it reminds her of Laura.

 

///

 

She slips out without anyone noticing, at a point where Perry is yelling at LaF to get out of her kitchen, and William is trying to get Baby Kirsch drunk. They don’t notice when she slinks through the door, pulling her coat on and closing the door gently behind her.

  
///

She ends up at a park.

 

It’s empty, and there’s one swing set that looks like it’s about to fall apart should the wind blow too hard, but Carmilla finds herself sitting down on the seat anyway and lightly rocking herself back and forth. She trails the toe of her boot in the snow, parting the white to reveal the dead grass that lay underneath it.

 

She vaguely acknowledges that her phone rings, vibrating in her pocket, but she ignores it.

 

Carmilla doesn’t necessarily _feel_ the cold in the way that humans do, she has spent enough time on this earth to pick up on the mannerisms of human beings experiencing the chill of December. As she rocks herself back and forth on the swing she absentmindedly rubs her hands together, blowing softly on them as if by performing the actions her body would somehow warm up.

 

It doesn’t work, of course, but when she catches herself doing it she rolls her eyes at herself. Laura had once said that Christmas always brought out the human inside of her, and it’s times like this that Carmilla thinks that maybe the cupcake was right.

 

///

 

Suddenly it’s dark, and she has eleven missed calls and she thinks that maybe she should go back.

 

(she takes her time walking back, dragging her feet and stopping to look in windows because the sales would happen soon and William would _really_ like that suit…)

 

///

 

When she walks in the door no one really questions her, although Carmilla can see that they want to.

 

She supposes her sharp glare at LaF tells them enough for them to know not to question her, at least at that moment. Knowing Laf, Carmilla was sure she was in for a questioning at a later point, though.

 

///

 

Dinner happens, and while no one explicitly says it, it is silently acknowledged that this is their last Christmas in this city, at least for a while, and once the plates are cleared and everyone is sitting in the lounge with mugs of Perry’s hot cocoa, Carmilla feels a twinge of sadness.

 

“I’ve rather enjoyed living here,” she says to no one in particular, “it’ll be strange to leave.”

 

It’s been fun,” LaF hums in agreement, “but I think it’s time for us to move on. I think we’ve outgrown the place.”

 

Carmilla looks up and smiles, nodding her head slowly. “I think this is the longest we’ve lasted in one place. It must be a record.”

 

“Definitely one for the books.”

 

Perry swats at LaF’s arm, but the smile playing at her lips takes away from the scolding she mumbles out.

 

“Do we have a plan? For Silas?” William speaks up, looking at Carmilla with an unreadable expression. Carmilla glances at Perry, who nods quickly.

 

“I’ve spoken to J.P several times lately, and he’s agreed to have us at Silas, either as students or staff. He seemed rather thrilled at the idea of LaFontaine taking on a professorship, actually.”

 

“Is Mattie there?”

 

Perry nodded. “I think she’s chair of the board while J.P is the dean. Or the other way around, it wasn’t clear.”

 

Carmilla grinned, “That’s an odd combination.”

 

“It seems to work.”

 

They drift into silence again, before William speaks up.

 

“It’ll be weird being at Silas again. Do you think it’s changed much?”

 

Carmilla snorts, “with Mattie running the show? I’d be surprised if it hasn’t.”

 

“Your sister does have a flair for progress.” LaF laughs, “remember when she demolished the entire English building and had it rebuilt just so she could properly install elevators? The bio labs started housing the Shakespeare society.”

 

“My sister does not half-ass things.”

 

“That’s an understatement,” William snorts, “I remember when you were entombed by mother, I think it was in the early 1940’s? Anyway, fashion changed rather dramatically for women and she walked into a store and ordered an entire new wardrobe to be fitted for her. The poor man didn’t know what to do with himself.”

 

“That’s Mattie for you.” Carmilla swirls her cocoa around in her mug, watching the dark contents form a whirlpool of chocolate and blood. “But at least you always know what to expect.”

 

William hums in agreement, and is about to add something when Baby Kirsch clears his throat awkwardly and everyone turns to look at the man sitting on the floor near the coffee table.

 

“Sorry, but uh, for those of us who have never been to Silas… what are we talking about?”

 

Carmilla smiles softly, “I think LaF and Perry can answer that one for you, Baby Kirsch.”

 

He scowls at her, but refrains from retorting and turns to face Perry. “Well?”

 

“It’s a weird place, dude,” LaF begins, “but I guess you could say it’s the starting point. It’s like, the centre of everything that we are, you could say. Like, going to your grandma’s place. You know it’s stinky and gross and filled with things you don’t want to think about, but you always end up going back because, despite all the weird shit, it’s home.”

 

Perry nods, “It’s home, moreso than anywhere else.”

 

Kirsch nods. “So you’re going back? All of you?”

 

“Yes, Baby Kirsch, we’re going back.” Carmilla raises an eyebrow, “ _all_ of us.”

 

He frowns for a moment, before something seems to click in his mind and he breaks out in a large smile. “Oh! Me too?”

 

Carmilla rolls her eyes while Perry and Lafontaine laugh, and William claps the man on the back. “Welcome to the programme, buddy.”

 

“Did you seriously think we would leave you behind, dude? We literally _just_ said Silas is home, and you’re family. Why would we go without you?” LaFontaine shakes their head and Kirsch shrugs, not really having an explanation to his thought process.

 

Carmilla sits back then, watching the people interact around her, smiling softly as LaFontaine pulls out the Christmas crackers and proudly reads out the bad jokes enclosed inside of them. She watches as Perry refills everyone’s mugs of cocoa and how William and Kirsch challenge each other to see who can consume more eggnog.

 

It’s not where she imagined herself, when she was a child sitting by the fire with her brown paper present, stomach full of the best meat cuts her family could afford that particular year. It’s not where she pictured herself when Maman had changed her, taking her under her wing and moulding her into the daughter Mattie had proven not to be. It’s not where she imagined she would be, but now that she was here, Carmilla couldn’t picture herself anywhere else.

 

And soon, they would be going home.

 

* * *

A few days after Christmas, the trial of Jimmy Johnson began and Carmilla found herself watching the screen in William’s apartment, eyes searching for a familiar figure she hadn’t heard from since her ‘death’.

 

“You could just call her,” LaF had commented when they found Carmilla sprawled out on the lounge, “call her and put yourself out of this misery.”

 

“If she wanted to talk to me, she knows where to find me.” Carmilla had retorted, earning a sigh from LaF. “It’s not like I’m hiding from _her_.”

 

“Or maybe,” LaF began, “she’s doing the same thing as you and waiting for _you_ to call _her_.”

 

Carmilla didn’t have a reply to that, so she ignored it and went back to staring at the screen filled with reporters waiting to catch a glimpse of Jimmy Johnson.

 

* * *

 

New Years came and went and John, William, and Lafontaine all gave their testimonies to the court. By the end of the month, Perry had finalised the hand-over of her café and their travel details were sorted. J.P was due to pick them up, taking them to Silas where they were to stay in the apartment off campus that had once belonged to Maman.

 

Carmilla was getting a serious case of déjà vu.

 

Nevertheless, the day before they were due to leave, she found herself wandering the streets again, lost in thought and half-debating doing what LaF had been demanding she do since the trial began.

 

She couldn’t do it, though. It wasn’t without her trying; she had tried several times to call, to go over to Lauren’s apartment and talk to the woman. She had tried, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it because that would make it far too real.

 

So she wandered, and she ended up in the cemetery staring down at the engraved name in the stone.

 

**LAURA HOLLIS**

Carmilla came here often, as evidenced by the amount of wilted flowers that were scattered across the base of the gravestone. She knelt down and swept them off, replacing them with a fresh bunch before she began to speak.

 

“We’re leaving soon, cupcake, so I wont be visiting as often. But I’ll try to come back as often as I can.” She smiled, reaching out to trace the letters of the name, “It’s been a rough year, as I’m sure you’ve gathered. And it’s time for all of us to move on. I mean, technically I’m dead again, so it would be weird for me to be running around the city.

 

“I just…I just want you to know that I’m okay. I’m doing okay. We all are. And we’re going back to Silas tomorrow and we’ll be okay. And I’m done, Laura. I’m done with finding you again because I think I missed my chance but…I’m okay with that.

 

“It’s strange to say that, because I’ve spent so long trying to find you again and now that I think I have I’m okay with not having you, and I think it’s because I know that it will never really be you.”

 

She laughed, looking up at the trees surrounding the cemetery before back down at the gravestone.

 

“But I’m okay. I promise, and I’ll come back and see you when I can, okay? Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone…” She trailed off, smiling sadly as she traced the letters again. “I love you, and I miss you. I’ll be back soon.”

 

She stood, wiping her eyes before turning to leave the cemetery, but from her corner of her eye she saw another name she hadn’t visited nearly as often in the last few years and she stopped. Staring at it for a moment, she debated simply leaving, but she found herself crouching in front of it and tracing the name carved into the stone that was rather battered in comparison to Laura’s.

 

**JANE RUMMINGTON**

 

 _“The third one,”_ Carmilla remembered.

 

She hadn’t thought about Jane in a long time, simply because Jane was about as far from her Laura as she could get while still being close enough to draw Carmilla in.

 

It was a turbulent relationship, and one that ended with Mattie scaring Jane enough to make the woman run from Carmilla and not look back. The two hadn’t talked again, and Carmilla had simply tried to forget until LaF had walked into Carmilla’s apartment with the news that Jane had died from a heart attack and Carmilla was named in the will.

 

Jane, it had happened, had never removed Carmilla from her will and Carmilla had inherited everything.

 

(she had donated most of it, and used the money to organise a funeral)

 

After, she had never really looked back, not seeing any reason to.

 

“Sorry I couldn’t be who you needed,” she murmured before standing, and leaving the cemetery and everything it contained, behind.

 

* * *

 

From her car, Lauren watched Carmilla walk out of the cemetery. Her head was bowed but Lauren could tell the vampire was crying. As Carmilla turned the corner, Lauren started her car and began driving.

 

In the opposite direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate me more than u hate me right now
> 
> also fun fact: i wrote this on a train!


	21. close your eyes and I'll kiss you (scar tissue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry i havent replied to your reviews. uni got really busy. i'm on mid-semester break now though so once i get back to my parents house i'm gonna sit down and reply to you all. know that i do read them all though and all you little sweet peas are very nice and make me very happy with your words. keep doin you, munchkins. 
> 
> i dont know why i just said that

**Chapter XII: Close your eyes and I'll kiss you (Scar Tissue)**

_“…and it has just come in that the Honourable Judge Elizabeth Cooper has allowed the controversial fiber evidence presented to the court by the FBI to proceed, meaning that James Johnson can be tried for all twenty-eight victims. For those who are not familiar with the case, James Johnson was arrested last October for the murders of several African-American children and adolescents. His trial began on December 28 and is set to conclude in the following weeks…”_

Lauren turned off the screen, laying back into the couch and sighing heavily. Despite having relocated back to her father’s house, it seems as though she isn’t able to escape the case. She thinks that maybe she shouldn’t be all that surprised, seeing as she was the one to push the case to Carmilla and insisting on having it completed. It doesn’t change things, though. The nightmares still happen and she still feels like she’s being watched at every possible minute. Her father thinks that she needs to go talk to someone, but she knows it won’t help. There isn’t much she can do, except focus on moving on.

 

She hasn’t seen or heard from Carmilla since that time in the cemetery where she had watched Carmilla walk away. Part of her is still beating herself up over not at least saying goodbye to her. The other part, a much larger part, reminds her that she’s doing what is best for her. Staying around Carmilla and her friends would be bad for both of them. Whenever they are together it always ends in distress and tears, so she needs to stay away so they can both be happy, right?

 

So why is she still so miserable?

 

The sound of the front door opening announces her father’s rather hazardous entrance to the room, and Lauren smiles as she catches sight of the shopping bags her father is carrying. He grins at her; a large, toothy grin that makes Lauren shake her head before pushing herself into a standing position and following her father to the kitchen.

 

He pushes her attempts at help away, so she ends up sitting on the kitchen counter watching as he fumbles through the directions on the back of the box in an well-meaning attempt to bake cupcakes. He babbles away, telling her about his new hobby of the week and how Mr Elliot from down the road is trying out fishing and should he join him? Does she think fishing is a good fit for him?

 

Lauren doesn’t know, but she encourages him nonetheless because he might as well try everything now that he’s retired and has the time.

 

(he nods at this, and Lauren smiles encouragingly before reminding him he needs to add the eggs to the mix)

 

“So how are you going?” He’s putting the tray in the oven now, and Lauren watches to make sure he doesn’t end up burning himself. “and none of that ‘I’m fine’ business because I know you’re not.”

 

She chuckles slightly, and her dad stands up and leans backwards on the cupboards across from her and she knows that she isn’t getting out of this conversation no matter how hard she tries.

 

“I’m okay. I mean, I’m doing better, ya know?” She nods, and she isn’t sure if the action is to convince her father or herself. “It’s better like this, right? I mean I’m doing the right thing?”

 

Her father studies her for a second, and she watches as his eyes dart over her face, reading every emotion that flickers across it. It’s something he’s done for as long as she can remember, and she doesn’t think she can remember a time in which her father hadn’t uncovered something from reading her facial expressions. She’s never been able to hide anything from her dad, and she doesn’t think she will be able to any time soon.

 

“I think that if you truly believe you’re doing the right thing, then your heart is in the right place.” He smiles softly at her. “But I also think that you need to ask yourself if what your doing is truly right, or if you _want_ it to be.”

 

She frowns, and he checks the time before setting the timer leaving her alone in the kitchen.

 

It isn’t until the timer goes off half an hour later that she realizes she hasn’t moved.

 

+++

 

She spends her days wandering through the town she grew up in, getting lost in the streets and relearning everything about it. The way North Avenue curves slightly to the left because the government tried to widen the road but messed it up and then added a slightly askew sidewalk to make up for it. That one tree on Central Road that has a badly carved out love heart in it with “R.V Loves Cheesesticks” written in it. The wall of graffiti behind the mall that no one can be bothered to clean up so everyone just says that it’s supposed to be there.

 

It’s her childhood home and she hadn’t realized how much of it she has forgotten since she went away for college, and now she’s rediscovering it with fresh perspective. Or something along those lines. She’s sure that there’s a deep and meaningful way to describe it; like she’s rediscovering her new home after many years of being away and the years of experience will help her create a fresh start in her life and she’ll be a better person for it.

 

She laughs, thinking about it, and then she thinks that if Carmilla were here she would articulate it perfectly and roll her eyes at the dramatics of it all, but she would smirk and Lauren would know that Carmilla actually thought it was nice.

 

But Carmilla isn’t here, and Lauren stops in her tracks because isn’t the whole point of her coming back to _forget_ about Carmilla and move on from the whole thing?

 

It is, but she’s evidently doing a really bad job of it.

 

+++

 

At some point in late April she finds herself in a pet store, going in to buy new food for her dad’s aquarium inhabitants.

 

When she comes out with a puppy she doesn’t question it.

 

+++

 

(she names the puppy Danny, and there are times that Lauren thinks that the small animal is the only one who loves her)

 

+++

 

By the time spring rolls around, Lauren thinks that maybe she’s ready to go back home. To her home, that is, and when she brings it up with her dad he smiles at her and says that if she thinks she is then she should go.

 

“But know you can always come back, sweetpea”

 

“I know, dad.”

 

So she packs up her single suitcase, and a week later she’s loading it into the back of her dad’s truck. Danny sits on the backseat, head out the window, panting at the excitement happening around her. Lauren smiles at her, scratching behind the dog’s ear before turning back to her dad’s house, calling to let him know she’s ready.

 

He comes out the front door, locking it behind him.

 

“You sure you want to do this?”

 

She nods. “If I don’t go back now, I never will.”

 

+++

 

They pull up in front of Lauren’s apartment complex shortly after six pm.

 

It isn’t until she’s lying in bed, listening to the combined snores of her dad in the next room and Danny at her feet that realizes how much she actually missed the place.

 

+++

 

She doesn’t go back to work immediately. Her boss gave her paid leave before she went back to her dad’s house, saying that after the events of the last year or so she deserved it. Hell, they _all_ deserve it, she had said; every single person working in that office deserves time off. Having a serial killer as your workmate would be (and was) a shock to anyone, and isn’t something generally covered in the office manual.

 

Lauren took the leave, her boss told her to call when she was ready to return.

 

She thinks she’s probably ready to return, but she isn’t sure if she wants to. Not anymore.

 

(this is probably what is generally referred to as a mid life crisis, except she’s having it incredibly early and she places the blame for that solely on Jimmy Johnson’s shoulders)

 

So she spends a lot of time reading, and writing, and catching up on all her shows. She probably consumes too much sugar and definitely doesn’t get enough sleep. Danny forces her to leave her apartment for at least an hour a day, staring at her with those huge puppy-dog eyes until she relents and takes her for a walk. On particularly good days she might even run for a bit.

 

All in all, Lauren thinks she’s coping fairly well.

 

(she’s not, but she tries to convince herself that she is because if she does that, it might actually come true.)

 

+++

 

She’s been back at her apartment for nearly a month when she finally gets in her car and drives to the prison.

 

If anyone asked her before she did it if she would go and visit Jimmy Johnson in prison, she would have stared and told them they weren’t funny. Yet, here she is, sitting in her car in the prison car park, staring at the entrance and wondering where the boost of confidence from forty-five minutes ago had suddenly gone.

 

She almost leaves; she made up her mind to leave, but her body betrays her and she finds herself standing in front of the clear plastic window, stating that she’s here to see James Johnson.

 

“ID, please.”

 

She hands over her license, and the man behind the window notes down her details and then she’s being led through the security system.

 

Then she’s at a table and Jimmy is sitting across from her, hands cuffed together and looking incredibly tired and Lauren is questioning why she’s even there. What is she supposed to say? What does she _want_ to say? Of all the situations her father had prepared her for, visiting an ex-colleague – ex- _friend_ – in prison after discovering he is a serial killer was not one.

 

She’s entirely unprepared and he’s staring at her with such a sense of calm composure, she feels incredibly out of place. Out of control. So she settled for a simple, “Hey” and gives him a small smile she isn’t convinced he completely deserves, but then he smiles back and it’s like they’re back in the office, sharing cinnamon rolls and cookies and laughing about Carmilla Karnstein’s attitude.

 

“I’m glad you’re here.”

 

His sentence catches her off guard, and she blinks a few times.

“Why?”

 

He glances at the table, or maybe it’s his cuffed hands she isn’t sure, but when he looks up again and catches her eyes, Lauren is sure she see’s a shimmer in them that wasn’t there a minute ago.

 

“I want to apologise.” Jimmy smiles weakly and Lauren frowns back. “What happened  - what I _did_ – I just,” he shakes his head. “I just need you to know that none of it – _that_ – had anything to do with you. Our friendship was real. The person you knew me to be was real. _Is_ real. I’m still me, Lauren. I’m still Jimmy.”

 

Maybe she wasn’t certain what she was expecting when she came here, but it definitely wasn’t that.

 

“Okay.” The words slip off her tongue slowly and she isn’t sure what Jimmy wants her to say. “So the whole thing you had going with the killing and whatever. You’re saying that’s a separate… _thing_ … to whatever it was that I based our friendship on?” She laughs, “because that’s kinda hard to believe. I mean, what? You walk out of the office after a hard day of photography to go and get your kicks killing little kids?” She shakes her head and sits back in the tiny plastic chair. “I don’t know what to believe anymore, Jim.”

 

He has the decency to look ashamed, and for a split second Lauren almost feels sorry for him.

 

“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”   

 

He doesn’t say anything, and neither does Lauren, and she wonders briefly why she’s still here.

 

“Are you still working at the office?”

 

Lauren looks up to see Jimmy staring at her with that creepily calm expression, and she realises he’s trying to start a conversation. One like they used to hold when they were working late nights at the office. Where they would stock up on pastries and coffee and discuss their lack of love lives and bitch about their colleagues.

 

She softens. “Yeah. I’m on leave now, though.”

 

He nods, and then his expression brightens and he wiggles his eyebrows. “Got any hot dates.”

 

The laugh that escapes her catches her by surprise, and for a minute she forgets she’s in a prison. She forgets that Jimmy is a serial killer that is probably going to spend the rest of his life in a Maximum Security jail. When she starts talking it comes easily. Effortlessly. And it isn’t until the guard announces that there’s ten minutes left of their time that she’s drawn back out into the reality of the situation and she realises that she wishes she were anywhere else.

 

“Will you come back?” Jimmy asks.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

He nods.

 

“Well, I’m glad you came today, anyway.” He smiles at her, and she can’t help but smile back.

 

“Me too.”

 

A guard comes and begins to lead Jimmy away, but before he’s led through the door he turns back and calls after her. “Oh, and Lauren? Do me a favour and say yes to that dude that’s been asking you out. You deserve to be happy.”

 

+++

 

She never sees Jimmy Johnson again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're nearly at the end, are you ready bc i am not


	22. 13A: i could have lied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i havent edited this nearly as much as i should have but anyway
> 
> one more update. it might come early depending on how nice i'm feeling

**_2017_ **

****

“Carm! Hurry up, we’re going to be late!”

 

Laura knocked on the bathroom door again, stumbling backwards slightly when it opened to reveal a smirking Carmilla, fully dressed and seemingly relaxed despite the fact they were now running late.

 

“Calm yourself, cupcake. I’m ready.”

 

Laura huffed. “About time. Now come on, the cab is waiting and we’re already late.”

 

“Yes, dear.”

 

///

 

The park was decorated with a sea of white and black, and Laura pulled Carmilla by the hand down the aisle of wooden seats. She was buzzing with excitement, and Carmilla chuckled to herself as she allowed herself to be pulled towards what she now saw was a very well dressed Lafontaine.

 

“Laf!”

 

The redhead turned when they heard Laura’s shout, and a wide smile broke out across their face. “I was starting to think that you’d ditched me.”

 

Carmilla smirked, looking between Laura and Lafontaine. “I’m hurt you think I don’t take my best-man responsibilities seriously, doc.”

 

Laf only winked in response, before directing Carmilla towards the array of arriving guests.

 

///

 

“So,” Danny stated, slipping into the chair beside Carmilla with a huff, causing Carmilla to glance from the woman’s face down to her swollen stomach. “They really got hitched.”

 

“That is why we are here.” Carmilla smirked, raising the glass of wine to her lips and cocking an eyebrow at Danny, who scoffed in response.

 

“I mean,” she rolled her eyes, “I always had you and Laura pegged as the first to get married. You having second thoughts?”

 

Carmilla rolled her eyes.

 

“I could say the same to you and beefcake.”

 

“Touché.” Danny raised her glass of water and the two lapsed into silence. Across the room, LaF and Perry were dancing and Laura was talking animatedly with someone Carmilla vaguely recognized as a member of Perry’s extensive family.

 

“Speaking of,” Carmilla turned back towards Danny, “where is your baby daddy?”

 

Danny laughed. “He’s off with the Zetas.” She pointed towards the balcony and, sure enough, Kirsch was lifting Theo off his feet and spinning him around rather quickly. Carmilla winced at the sigh.

 

“I’m not going to ask.”

 

“I find that’s best.” Danny smirked and Carmilla found herself laughing quietly.

 

“Seriously though,” Danny continued, “are you going to ask her?”

 

She tilted her head towards Laura, and Carmilla turned to look. She smiled softly at her girlfriend, who was now dancing with Perry in an exaggerated tango. Laura was leading, and Laf was watching and the three were laughing, looking carefree and happy and it made Carmilla’s heart jump.

 

“Yes.” She replied, turning back to Danny. “Soon.” The pregnant woman smiled.

 

“Good. We didn’t buy that ring for you to lose your nerve.”

 

“Touché.”

 

///

 

Danny went into labour at exactly midnight, and Carmilla thought that it was a very Danny thing to do, what with interrupting Carmilla’s beauty sleep because she couldn’t hold in her over-sized child for a few more hours. Was it really that hard to refrain from birthing a human until a more reasonable time?

 

Apparently so, which is why Carmilla found herself driving towards the hospital with an overexcited Laura in the passenger seat babbling away about god knows what.

 

She deserves an award for this.

 

The hospital was busy, considering the time, but they eventually found the room and Carmilla was immediately engulfed in two strong arms which she eventually worked out belonged to Kirsch.

 

“Why are you hugging me?”

 

That sent Kirsch into hysterics and Carmilla frowned as she tried to disengage herself from Kirsch’s body so she could talk to him properly.

 

“Why are you crying?”

 

Kirsch swallowed. “I’m gonna be a dad.”

 

“Well yeah. You’ve known that for a while now.”

 

Kirsch shook his head. “No, you don’t understand. I’m gonna be a dad and I don’t know how to do that. There’s gonna be this tiny bro that is going to rely on me to not screw them up and they’re gonna need me to help them through life and…” he swallowed, looking at Carmilla with wide eyes. “I never had a dad, how am I going to be a good one for the kid?”

 

“Okay, look.” She took Kirsch’s hand and led him over to the plastic seats, sending a look at Laura to go check on Danny. Laura nodded, leaving Carmilla alone with Kirsch in the waiting area. “You may have daddy issues. That’s okay. Forget about them. They aren’t relevant here.”

 

Kirsch opened his mouth to interrupt, but shut it quickly at Carmilla’s glare. “They aren’t relevant. In that room is your girlfriend, who loves you despite everything, and she’s currently pushing what I’m sure is an oversized child that has both of your genetics out of her vagina. She needs you to not be having an existential crisis right now. So what you’re going to do is you’re going to pull yourself together, and you’re going to go in there and hold her hand and she’s going to birth your child. Then you’re going to hold the child and tell everyone how beautiful they are, and you’re going to go home with Danny and the child and you’re going to work together to make sure that child knows that they are loved and cared for. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re human. It happens. But it’ll be okay because you have Danny and LaF and Perry and Laura and everyone else in this weird family we’ve put together.”

 

She paused and studied Kirsch, who was quiet and looking at her with wide eyes but there was a general lack of tears and Carmilla took that as a good sign.

 

“You may have your daddy issues, but your child is not lacking in the family members so even if you screw up, you wont screw up the child because there are so many other people to fall back on, okay? You’ll be fine.”

 

Kirsch nodded, and then Carmilla was engulfed in his embrace again. “Thanks, Carm. You’re a real bro.”

 

When Laura came out of Danny’s room and sat down next to her, she sent Carmilla a knowing look and Carmilla rolled her eyes.

 

“Don’t even.”

 

“I didn’t say anything.”

 

“You didn’t have to.” She shook her head; failing at hiding the smile that worked it’s way onto her face. “I deserve an award for this shit.”

 

///

 

Danny and Kirsch had a girl. They named her Mircalla.

 

Carmilla never admitted to being flattered, but she most definitely was.

 

///

 

As the months passed, she weight in her jacket pocket seemed to grow heavier and heavier, and every time she saw LaF and Perry or Danny and Kirsch they sent her looks that seemed to say _‘get a move on’_ and it only served to make the weight get heavier.

 

It certainly didn’t help when they spent Christmas with Laura’s dad and even he seemed to know about the small box she had been carrying around for the better part of the year.

 

“You know you can ask her, right?” He said when he found her sitting in the backyard of Laura’s childhood home. “You don’t have to ask for my blessing or anything.”

 

“I know,” Carmilla replied. “Laura would probably kill me if I did that. Independent woman and all that.”

 

Laura’s dad laughed. “You’ve got that right.”

 

They sat in silence for a while, watching the snowfall softly around them.

 

“You know, Carmilla, I did have my issues with you when Laura first told me the two of you were together. I was worried. Uneducated, I guess you could say. I thought that maybe you would hurt her, or she would get put in dangerous situations I couldn’t protect her from. But having gotten to know you over the last few years, I can see how much you love her, and how much she loves you. And I know that you would never hurt her intentionally, and that, if anything, she’s the one that would put you in a dangerous situation, and more so that you would be there to protect her from it.”

 

He smiled.

 

“I can’t think of a better person for my Laura than you. And this isn’t be giving you my blessing, but I definitely think you should stop second guessing yourself.”

 

///

 

She proposed on Christmas Day.

 

* * *

 

**_2020_ **

****

“Carm. I need help.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“Well uhhhhhh.”

 

“LaF!”

 

“I fucked up.”

 

“I’m on my way.”

 

///

 

There were a great number of things Carmilla had learnt in her four hundred odd years on this earth. She was prepared for a lot of things, but telling someone’s wife that their partner had accidently made themselves immortal was not one of them.

****

“But you can fix it right? You can undo whatever it is?”

 

Carmilla shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

 

“So what does this mean?”

 

Perry was crying, and Carmilla didn’t know how to deal with this.

 

“Lafontaine won’t age, and they wont die.”

 

“So they’re a vampire.”

 

“No. Well kind of. They don’t need to drink blood, and they will still die from diseases and the like. But they won’t age and they wont die.”

 

Perry was silent, and Carmilla half thought that she was about to have an aneurysm.

 

“Can they replicate it?”

 

Carmilla frowned.

“Sorry?”

 

“Can they replicate it? Can they do whatever it is that made them like this again?”

 

“Well I uh…I don’t know. Why?”

 

“I want them to do it to me.” Perry nodded, and pulled herself up straighter.

 

“Are you sure?” Carmilla questioned. “You wont be able to reverse it.”

 

Perry nodded again. “I’ve know Lafontaine since we were five. If they are going to live forever, I want to live forever with them. I know it probably sounds ridiculous, but they are part of me. I can’t imagine living without them, and I don’t want them to live without me. So if they’re going to live forever, we’re going to do it together.”

 

Carmilla nodded. “I’ll see what they can do.”

 

* * *

 

**_2021_ **

****

“Have you thought about it?”

 

Laura looked over at Lafontaine and Perry, curled up on the couch, limbs entwined with each other. They looked happy. Together. Two people frozen in time.

 

She sighed.

 

“I have.”

 

She didn’t say anything else, and Carmilla felt her stomach flip into itself.

 

“And?”

 

Laura looked up at Carmilla, feeling the tears forming. “I can’t.”

 

Carmilla looked down, nodding slowly.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You don’t need to apologise, cupcake. I understand. It’s a big thing to ask, and it’s your life. Your decision. I can’t blame you for wanting this.”

 

“I feel guilty though, asking you to let me grow old. To watch me die. It’s such a selfish thing to ask you to do.”

 

Carmilla leant down and kissed Laura’s temple, smiling against the warm skin.

 

“It’s not selfish to want to be human, Laura. It’s who you are.”

 

“I just think that if I let you turn me, I’ll lose myself. Like I’ll lose who I am and I don’t want that to happen.”

 

“I don’t want that to happen either.”

 

* * *

 

**_2049_ **

****

Laura leant into Carmilla, burying her face into the crook of the vampire’s neck. Carmilla wrapped her arm around the small frame, kissing her forehead.

 

“I can’t believe he’s gone.” Laura whispered, pulling back to look at Carmilla.

 

“It’ll be okay,” Carmilla whispered back.

 

Laura shook her head, opening her mouth to say something else, but a man clearing his throat interrupted them.

 

“I’m sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to give you my condolences. Mark was a very good friend of my fathers. Am I right in believing you are his daughter?”

 

Laura nodded. “Laura Hollis. It’s nice to meet you.”

 

The man nodded and smiled at Carmilla. “Are you a friend of the family?”

 

Carmilla smiled sadly as Laura spoke. “This is my daughter. Carmilla.”

 

* * *

 

**_2084_ **

****

Carmilla sat next to the hospital bed; hands clasped tightly around the frail and wrinkled hand of her wife. Laura was sleeping, she always was these days, and the only thing keeping Carmilla sane was the constant sound of the heart monitor, letting her know that Laura was, indeed, still alive.

 

If only just.

 

A knock on the door caused her to lift her head, and she saw Laf and Perry standing in the doorway, Mircalla Kirsch beside them with her sons in tow.

 

Carmilla shook her head.

 

“I’m not ready.”

 

LaF’s face softened. “It’s what she wanted.”

 

Carmilla shook her head again, gripping tighter onto Laura’s hand.

 

“No.”

 

“It’s been three weeks and there’s been no change. It’s what she wanted, Carm. We have to.”

 

The muscles in Carmilla’s jaw tightened as she looked between the form of her wife and her friends standing in the doorway. After a moment she leant down, placing a soft kiss on Laura’s lips before leaning her forehead against Laura’s and squeezing her eyes shut.

 

“I love you, Cupcake. Forever.”

 

After a moment she stood up.

 

“Okay.”

 

She didn’t watch as each of her friends said their goodbyes, keeping her eyes trained on her hand still wrapped around Laura’s.

 

“Are you ready?”

 

Carmilla nodded, moving her gaze from her hand to Laura’s face. She studied it, committing every line, wrinkle and marking to memory.

 

She barely registered the sound of the heart monitor flat lining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i started a jp appreciation blog bc he's my child @jeepsquad u should 100% follow it bc it's just me screaming about jp


	23. she struck me but i'm fucked up now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE END ARE YOU READY BECAUSE I AM NOT

> _“…following nearly two months of trial, the defense rests on the James Johnson case. The jury has retired to discuss the evidence presented to them…”_

* * *

> _“Breaking News. Twelve hours after retiring, the Grand Jury has returned with a unanimous guilty verdict for notorious serial killer, James Johnson. Johnson was apprehended late last year and his trial began in January. A sentencing hearing has been set for next week.”_

* * *

> _“The Honourable Judge Elizabeth Cooper has sentenced serial killer James Johnson to two consecutive life sentences, with no chance of parole….”_

* * *

 

Graduating college was something Carmilla had done enough times in her existence that is wasn’t really as big of a deal as it was the first few times. Sure it was nice, getting the recognition of several years worth of work and dedication, but at the end of the day it wasn’t that big of a deal. She didn’t even get a piece of paper this time around, so there wasn’t any real tangible evidence of her having spent yet another four years at Silas University, studying one of the few fields she hadn’t already completed a bachelor degree in.

 

It was nice in a way, though; having a sort of routine that she could rely on. Classes were boring, but not tedious, and the student body wasn’t filled with complete morons for a change. She was living in the renovated apartment her mother used to live in, and the people she had come to call her family surrounded her.

 

It was nice.

 

So when J.P. called her name, announcing she had indeed graduated from Silas, and she smiled at him, shaking Mattie’s hand and looking out at the smiling faces of Perry and LaF, Kirsch and William, Carmilla thought that maybe she would be alright without Laura, that she wasn’t completely alone anymore.

 

And it was strange, that feeling of content that settled in the pit of her stomach. It was strange and different but all that unwelcome, and as she vaguely registered J.P. officially announcing the graduating class, Carmilla relaxed and let herself enjoy it. She threw her cap in the air and cheered with the few people she had allowed herself to become friendly with, and she let Perry and LaF hug her and punched William in the arm when he called her _Kitty_.

 

“Congrats,” Kirsch smiled, and she rolled her eyes.

 

“Come here you beefcake,” she pulled him in for a hug and flipped William off.

 

Yeah, she’d be okay.

 

* * *

 

A week after graduation she was sitting in the kitchen of the apartment reading when LaF burst through the door waving a piece of paper around.

 

“What on earth is your problem?” Carmilla frowned, “It’s barely ten in the morning.”

 

“It’s an invitation.” LaF shrugged, “I wanted to see if you were interested.”

 

Carmilla raised an eyebrow, but shut her book to give her whole attention to Lafontaine who had taken a seat across from her at the table. “It depends who it’s from.”’

 

LaF nodded. “I thought that would be the case. I don’t think you’ll be that interested.”

 

They looked at the invitation in their hand before handing it over for Carmilla to look at. Carmilla looked curiously at LaF who nodded down at the paper, indicating for Carmilla to open it.

 

Unfolding the cardboard, Carmilla glanced over the words. Her face remained stoic and LaF chewed on their lower lip, watching for any hint of reaction from Carmilla. When Carmilla had finished, she folded the invitation and placed it on the table. Without looking at LaF, she shook her head.

 

“She’s getting married.”

 

Laf nodded.

 

“Why was I invited?”

 

“You were close, despite everything.” LaF reasoned. Carmilla snorted in response.

 

“I don’t know about you, Lafontaine, but I wouldn’t want to invite a one night stand to my wedding.”

 

She stood and left, leaving LaF staring at the invitation on the table, wondering how this woman had gotten so far under Carmilla’s skin.

 

* * *

 

They RSVP’d to the wedding on the last possible day.

 

Lauren sent back a short response of “Great! Can’t wait to see you all again! I’ve missed you guys.” and it made Lafontaine wonder why the woman hadn’t gotten in touch sooner if she really had missed them all so much.

 

* * *

 

It was decided that Mattie would accompany Carmilla to the wedding, seeing as Kirsch and William were going together and Perry and LaF were always a pair. Carmilla didn’t so much invite Mattie, as Mattie announced that she was going and Carmilla sort of just went along with it.

 

It wasn’t that she wasn’t grateful because she was, she was very much grateful for Mattie’s presence at the ceremony; it was just strange to have someone making decisions for her again.

 

When they pulled up at the small property that the wedding was to be held, Lauren greeted them with a large smile and a quick hug before she introduced herself to Mattie with what Carmilla thought was a slight hint of jealousy.

 

“I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Lauren.”

 

“Matska Belmonde. It’s lovely to meet you.”

 

Lauren tensed her jaw and Carmilla smothered a laugh as Mattie didn’t give the human any more information. LaF broke the silence by asking if they could assist with anything, and Lauren directed the group towards a pile of lanterns that she announced needed to be hung from the deck.

 

Carmilla found it all rather amusing, and as she passed Lafontaine she whispered quickly that she didn’t regret coming, as it was looking to be a rather amusing weekend.

 

“Shut up and hang your lanterns, asshole.”

 

* * *

 

She could have questioned why it was that none of them met the elusive fiancé before the actual ceremony, but she didn’t.

 

She’s not that petty or bitter over the whole thing.

 

* * *

 

It was a fairly short wedding, all things considered, and Carmilla found herself sharing a table with Lauren’s dad and she cursed the gods for putting her in this position because he was so _nice_ Carmilla was really hoping that wouldn’t be the case.

 

She always got along with Laura’s dad – in every reincarnation - and it was hard to think that she wouldn’t get the chance to really spend time with this one. He was a nice fellow, and it seemed he had some bitter feelings over his daughter’s marriage too.

 

“I don’t think she really thought this through,” he said over a glass of champagne, “but that’s none of my business, really.”

 

“You can’t protect them forever,” Carmilla shrugged, and earned a questioning look from the man.

 

“You got kids?”

 

“I did.”

 

His face softened. “I’m so sorry.”

 

Carmilla shook her head, waving a hand in dismissal. “It’s fine. It was a while ago.”

 

The concerned look didn’t leave his face, but he let it go, and Carmilla gladly listened to him stories of Lauren as a child while wondering why it was she was still in the room.

 

With LaF and Perry were dancing, William and Kirsch talking to Lauren and Mattie off somewhere being the socialite that she was, Carmilla was left sitting with Lauren’s dad second-guessing her decision to come at all.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla and Lauren didn’t have a proper conversation until the latter tracked the vampire down much later in the night. Carmilla had escaped the reception, and was sitting outside staring at the night sky seemingly deep in thought.

 

Lauren sat down next to her, following the vampire’s gaze upwards, but didn’t find the same awe in the night sky as Carmilla did, although she had tried several times over the years to find something meaningful in it.

 

“I was wondering when my absence would be missed.”

  
Carmilla shot a smirk in Lauren’s direction, earning a playful slap in the arm in response.

 

“Full of yourself much?”

 

Carmilla laughed, and looked back up at the sky. “It’s been a while. Congratulations on the marriage. He’s a lucky guy.”

 

“Thanks.” Lauren murmured. “He’s a good guy.”

Carmilla raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. Lauren didn’t push, either, and instead turned her gaze upwards and once again tried to work out exactly what Carmilla saw when she looked up there.

 

* * *

 

“Have you seen Carmilla?”

 

William shook his head and looked at Kirsch who frowned. “No, sorry LaF.”

 

LaF cursed under their breath, turning around frantically in the crowd. Spying Mattie talking to someone, they headed in that direction, hoping the older vampire would have some clue as to where Carmilla had disappeared.

 

* * *

“Do you ever regret it?” Lauren turned to look at Carmilla. “The years you spent hoping for Laura to return in another body. Another soul. Do you regret it?”

 

Carmilla shook her head.

 

“I promised her I would spend my life loving her. How could I ever regret doing just that?”

 

* * *

 

Mattie liked to believe she had a sixth sense when it came to Carmilla. She called it her “sister sense” and claimed that her nose itched when Carmilla was doing something stupid. It was fairly accurate, too, so when her nose started itching and she turned away from the person she was discussing politics with to see Lafontaine walking rather purposefully in her direction, she excused herself and dragged the doctor out of the room.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I can’t find Carmilla, and Lauren’s gone too so I have a really bad feeling.”

 

Mattie frowned and stuck her head back through the door to quickly survey the crowd. Not finding a trace of her sister, she turned back to Laf.

 

“Have you checked outside at all?”

 

LaF shook their head.

 

“Alright. You go out of the front, and I’ll head down the back. Call me if you find her.”

 

“Likewise.”

 

Mattie nodded and watched as Lafontaine disappeared out the front door of the building before she turned and walked back into the room, heading for the back door.

 

* * *

 

“Have you ever thought about how it made them feel?”

 

Carmilla frowned. “What do you mean?”

 

“The women, that you claimed were Laura reincarnated. Did you ever wonder how it made them feel to know that you only loved them because they reminded you of your dead lover?”

 

“It wasn’t like that! I-“

 

Lauren shook her head.

 

“You were only with them because they reminded you of Laura.”

 

“That’s not-“

 

The glare that Lauren shot Carmilla made her stop. She looked away, glancing up at the night sky again before shaking her head.

 

“Lauren. It wasn’t like that. Every single person I’ve been with, I’ve loved in their own right. I wouldn’t use anyone like that. I didn’t use _you_ like that.”

 

Lauren scoffed, glancing over her shoulder at the party happening inside quickly before focusing again on Carmilla. “Why should I believe you?”

 

“Because it’s true! I wouldn’t use someone like that. You know me. You know I wouldn’t do something like that!”

 

“Do I really, though?” Lauren stood up and began pacing on the top step. “How much do I really know about you, Carmilla? Because I don’t think it’s very much at all!”

 

“You can ask me anything and I’ll tell you the truth. Just because I never voluntarily told you my tragic backstory doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have if you’d asked.”

 

Lauren stood, staring at her with a stony expression, and Carmilla stared back feeling incredibly helpless.

 

* * *

 

Walking outside, Mattie immediately heard Carmilla’s raised voice, desperately pleading with Lauren to listen.

 

She shrunk back into the shadows, inching closer to the pair. Carmilla glanced at her, and Mattie cocked her head in question, silently asking if she wanted her to intervene. A slight shake of the head told her no, and Mattie remained in the shadows, watching.

 

* * *

“I’m sorry, Carmilla.”

 

Lauren was crying now, and Carmilla felt slightly bad for causing the woman to cry on her wedding day.

 

“What for?”

 

“I don’t know,” Lauren shook her head, “Everything?”

 

“You don’t have to apologise,” Carmilla took a step forward, hesitating only slightly before closing the distance. “You have nothing to apologise for.”

 

Swallowing, Lauren sighed before meeting Carmilla’s gaze. “Then I guess I’m sorry for what I’m about to do.”

 

Carmilla frowned. “What?”

 

“I can’t let this go on, Carmilla.” She was sobbing now. “I can’t let you keep using innocent people for your own selfish gain.”

 

Carmilla’s eyes widened, and she opened her mouth defend herself. To call for Lafontaine. Anything. But there wasn’t any time before she felt the wood pierce her heart.

 

The last thing she saw was Mattie jumping towards her before everything faded away.

 

* * *

 

“LAFONTAINE!”

 

The deafening scream caused LaF to run through the reception hall and down the stairs. When they saw Mattie kneeling on the floor, cradling Carmilla’s head in her arms they turned and ran back into the hall, seeking Perry out in the crowd.

 

The scream had alerted the other people in the reception, too, and when LaF pulled their small group of friends outside, others followed, forming a circle around Mattie and Carmilla, whispering amongst themselves.

 

“She pulled a stake out of nowhere. I didn’t see it until it was too late.” Mattie held Carmilla’s head to her chest.

 

“Is there anything we can do?” Perry whispered to LaF, who shook their head in response.

 

“It’s too late,” they shook their head, glancing up at the sky to see the flicker of a shooting star. “There’s nothing we can do. Carm’s gone.”

 

* * *

 

She vaguely recognized the shimmering figures in front of her, but it wasn’t until two arms wrapped themselves around her from behind that she realized who they were.

 

“James!”

 

“Hey, Mama!”

 

She spun around, surveying the man in front of her before enveloping him in a hug.

 

“I’ve missed you.”

 

“I’ve missed you too.” He smiled at her, before grabbing her hand and leading her somewhere. “I’ve got something to show you.”

 

Carmilla frowned, but followed behind her son anyway, looking around at the shimmering gold of the place they found themselves. “Where are we, anyway?”

 

James smiled over his shoulder, stopping and pushing his mother in front of him and into the awaiting arms of Laura Hollis.

 

“You’re home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, that's it. i don't know what to do with myself anymore. 
> 
> I'm really happy with the way this fic turned out, considering i started it on new years eve with a conversation over text with my best friend about what would be worse, watching your lover die over and over again or having them live but we with someone else?
> 
> I'm about to post a happier one shot because my other friend Casper said I needed to soothe the feels somehow, so keep an eye out for that in the next few minutes. It's called "ipsa scientia potestas est" and it's somewhat high school AU and somewhat not that at all. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has commented! Some of you have commented on every chapter and I'm not going to name names because I know i'll forget some of you and that would be rude, but I have noticed and I love you all for it! 
> 
> So that's it from me, I'll be back soon though because i'm doing the Carmilla "big bang" and I have a very angsty story in the works so that will be posted soonish. 
> 
> MWAH


	24. A note about the ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been flooded with mixed messages about the way I ended this fic, and it seems like a lot of you are pissed so here's my final explanation about why I ended the fic the way I did. I'm not going to answer any more questions about it, because frankly it's exhausting.

okay look, i’ve had several messages along the same lines all about how disappointed you are or how much you didn't like the way I ended this fic.  Conversely, I’ve had a lot of people saying they loved the ending. So I guess it’s going to be one those things and everyone never agrees on. But for the sake of explanation (and me having repeated myself several times) I’m going sit down and explain exactly why I ended the fic the way I did. 

 

You’re all very vague about why exactly you didn’t like the last chapter, so I’m going to go ahead and put together that it’s for one of these reasons: 

 

\- you don’t understand why Lauren did it

\- you think it was rushed/random/out of pace with the rest of the fic

\- it was too cliche 

 

so let me break it down for you: 

 

* * *

 

 

**1\. you don’t understand why Lauren did it**

Ultimately she felt like she was being used, and she did it there because it’s a sense of closure, of sorts. Like she can finally move on because Carmilla is no longer in this world. She killed her because she felt like Carmilla was using the reincarnations and that it wasn’t a fair thing to do. In her head it was justified because it was for the “greater good” or whatever. The invitation was 100% so she could kill Carmilla, and previous to that she removed herself from Carmilla’s life because she felt as though she could never let herself love Carm because, in her head, Carm would never love her back. Not really. It would always be the “Laura” in her that Carm would love.

 

**2\. you think it was rushed/random/out of pace with the rest of the fic**

The fic always varied in pace, however all of the major plot points (Lauren turning Carmilla into the FBI, Carm getting shot by Jimmy, this ending) were all very much spontaneous/past paced. 

Was it rushed? Maybe. But it wasn’t random. This ending had been planned from the very start and I had been leading up to it right from the get-go. 

Yes, Lauren and Camilla grew close. They were meant to. But the moment Lauren found out about Carmilla going after the reincarnations, she started distancing herself. She had a one night stand to get it out of her system, but she couldn’t give herself to Carmilla completely. Maybe if Lauren hadn’t found out about the reincarnations it could have gone somewhere else. But Lauren couldn’t let herself love Carmilla because she felt that no matter what, Carm wouldn’t be 100% in love with HER. It would always be Laura. Which is why she drives away from Carm at the end of chapter 11B).

To Lauren, Carmilla was nothing but a selfish vampire who needed to be stopped. It was clear since the very beginning that she wouldn’t accept that. She didn’t trust Carmilla, and even though a part of her was drawn to Carm, she couldn’t give into that because she can’t let herself be second best. Plus, she ISN’T Laura. Not completely. There are parts of Laura in there, but Lauren is her own person. And tbh? Killing Carmilla was the closest thing to a “Laura-ism” she did. She did it to protect herself and all others that would come after her. Was she a bitch/asshole? Yeah. But very much in-character for Lauren.

Like I said before, I had always planned on having Lauren kill Carmilla at the wedding, it was one of the earliest things I had planned out for this fic. Lauren would kill Cam it at her wedding because it’s a sense of closure, of sorts. Like she can finally move on because Carmilla is no longer in this world. She killed her because she felt like Carmilla was using the reincarnations and that it wasn’t a fair thing to do. In her head it was justified because it was for the “greater good” or whatever.

Sure, Carm would have probably consented to being staked, but Lauren didn’t want to give her that option. In her head it wasn’t fair to have Carmilla choose to die, because then it wouldn’t have been “punishment” for the way Carm had used all of Laura’s reincarnations. And really, if Carmilla had known that by ending her life she would have been reunited with HER Laura, she would’ve commited suicide as soon as Laura died. But she didn’t know. She thought Laura would come back. She waited for her. She looked for her. She got her heart broken 12 times already before Lauren because she thought that waiting for each reincarnation to come around would be the only way that she would be with Laura again. 

 

**3\. it was too cliche**

Isn’t all fanfic rather cliche nowadays? Is there a 100% original plot out there? No. 

 

* * *

 

 

So I’m sorry you’re pissed about the ending, and thanks for your vague message about how much you disliked it, but to be honest if you don’t like it, don’t read it. I can’t change it now (not that I would because it was all planned before I even started posting), and if you’re really that cut up about it maybe you can write a different ending and tag me in it so I can see why exactly you disliked my ending for my fic. 

 

Finally, yes I will write a follow up about LaF + the gang, and I have a thing planned out about LaF and Carm being bros throughout the centuries before this fic takes place but they will come later because I'm tired of this plot for the moment and have a few other projects I want to finish first. But they will definitely come so watch this space.  

 

Thanks for reading this, 

 

Zac 

**Author's Note:**

> Aiming for once a week on Saturdays (AEST) 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
